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Helping your 6 to 9 year old develop skills for co-operation and self-management

Helping your 6 to 9 year old develop skills for co-operation and self-management. Dr. Virginia Bourget, psychologist CHEO CONNECTS, Nov 28/2011. Discipline: What? Why?. Education and practice Guidance Achievement of long-term goals. Setting the Stage: Attachment.

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Helping your 6 to 9 year old develop skills for co-operation and self-management

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  1. Helping your 6 to 9 year old develop skills for co-operation and self-management Dr. Virginia Bourget, psychologist CHEO CONNECTS, Nov 28/2011

  2. Discipline: What? Why? • Education and practice • Guidance • Achievement of long-term goals

  3. Setting the Stage: Attachment • Bond between the child and his/her adult attachment figures • Children seek attachment to fulfill basic survival needs • Caregiver sensitivity and responsiveness lead to secure attachment

  4. Setting the Stage: Attachment • Attachments can be created and strengthened throughout life • Children who are securely attached want to be like their attachment figures • They also want to please the adults to whom they are attached

  5. Setting the Stage: Routine • Children learn best in the context of predictable routines • Routines provide a road map for self-regulation • Eating • Sleeping • Screen time

  6. Setting the Stage: Clear Expectations • Begins with the understanding that children’s skills develop in a positive direction over time • Model behaviour that is expected in your family • Clearly define for your child what is expected and what is not acceptable

  7. Understanding the 6-9 year old • Adapting to the school environment is important developmental challenge • Peers and others outside the home become increasingly important • Physical and intellectual skills promote independence

  8. Executive Function Skills • Higher cognitive functions that allow us to regulate our behaviour • Work towards longer-term goals • Plan, organize • Problem-solve • Manage our emotions • Self-monitor • Developmental • Indications of executive skill in 6-9 year olds?

  9. Teaching Children Executive Skills (Plan-Do-Review) • Describe the problem behaviours • Set a goal • Establish steps towards goal • Supervise as the child follows the procedure • Evaluate the process and make changes if necessary • Fade the supervision

  10. Facilitating Skills for Co-operation • Use as few commands as possible • One clear, realistic command at a time • Polite and positive (start not stop) • Allow time for compliance, warnings • “When-then” • Provide options • Follow through

  11. Using Praise Effectively • Notice your child’s positive behaviours • Descriptive praise provides a ‘road map’ for desired behaviour • Don’t imply criticism for past mistakes

  12. Using Incentives Effectively • Work with your child to establish rewards that will enhance motivation • Rewards should not be expensive and they are most effective when they involve spending time together • Progress towards goals/rewards should be indicated clearly and acknowledged • The plan should include short-term goals

  13. It Takes Two to Argue Why do children seem to argue so much? Why is it hard for parents to disentangle themselves from this process? • Some parental decisions do not need to be explained • Children deserve to be heard • Listening and supporting does not mean giving up parental authority • Children can co-operate, even if they don’t agree

  14. Collaborative Problem Solving • Kids do well if they can • Difficulty with co-operation seen as a skills deficit • Designed to be simple • Empathy Step “What’s up?” 2. Define the Problem Step 3. The Invitation Step

  15. Natural and Logical Consequences • It’s always best to build positive behaviours, rather than try to eliminate negative behaviours (rewards more effective than punishments) • Be sure child has the skills required to meet expectations • Clear “If-then” statements…. “If you fight over the controller, then the game goes away” • Discuss possible consequences ahead of time and be sure they are non-punitive and brief • Try not to step in to ‘protect’ child from consequences, i.e. being late for school or not doing homework

  16. Resources • Executive Skills in Children and Adolescents, 2nd Edition Peg Dawson and Richard Guare • The Explosive child , Revised Ross W. Greene • How to Behave So Your Children Will Too! Sal Severe • The Incredible Years Carolyn Webster-Stratton • Skills Training for Children with Behavior Problems Michael L. Bloomquist • Stop Arguing with Your Kids Michael P. Nichols

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