“Promises I Can Keep” Reading Guide

1. “Promises I Can Keep” Reading Guide Roderick Graham

2. Promises I Can Keep Lecture Outline • Discussion of Chapter 2 • Discussion of Conclusion • Comparing Theories

3. Chapter 2 • Several women are profiled, and they discuss their mates’ reactions to their pregnancy Women’s Reactions • Women tended to become more mature after they become pregnant • Women demanded more from their boyfriends (moving from buddies and friends to provider and protector) Men’s Reactions • Men tended to deny paternity (or act with shock and fear) • Men continued to act irresponsibly (with some exceptions)

4. Chapter 2 The Naming of the Child • The day of childbirth can bring together man and woman (although this may be temporary) • The authors state that one of the barometers (measures) of the relationship between partners is the naming of the child • Men want their child to have their last name…if a woman chooses not to do it, it is a public slap in the face

5. Chapter 2 Key Quote “Even in poor communities where nonmarital childbearing is the statistical norm, most still view early pregnancy as something of a tragedy, and girls in this situation may face censure from teachers, preacher, neighbors, and kin. But a pregnancy also galvanizes those same adults to help and support her—if not for her sake, then for the unborn child’s.” p. 65

6. Chapter 2 Key Quote “Many of these young women believe that children, not jobs or relationships with men, are their life’s work, and they face pregnancy with the strong determination to “do the right thing”—to have the child and embrace the role of the mother—even if it means giving up other opportunities.” P. 68

7. Conclusion “For the poor and affluent alike, marriage is now much less about sex, coresidence, and raising children than it used to be. In a cultural context where everyone had to marry to achieve a minimal level of social acceptance – as well as to have sex, live openly together, and bear children – women’s and men’s expectations for marriage had to be limited to the actual pool of those partners available to them.” p. 200

8. Conclusion Because of the change in America’s cultural orientation to marriage, the institution of marriage is no longer practical, but is instead more symbolic. Marriage has become more a symbol of success because less people have successful marriages The bar for marriage is now very high Now, the point of marriage is not to start building a life…but is instead the prize one attempts to get after individual success (education, career, etc).

9. Conclusion • Both middle class and poor women hold the same contemporary values towards marriage • However, because the structural conditions that these two groups face are different, the reactions to the changes in society are different Middle Class • Delay marriage longer • Have “trial marriages” that don’t last • Ultimately middle class people are able to reach their “white picket fence” dream

10. Conclusion • Both middle class and poor women hold the same contemporary values towards marriage • However, because the structural conditions in which these two groups face are different, the reactions to the changes in society are different Working Class/Poor • Associate marrying with “making it” • Never give up on that dream because that would mean giving up on making it. • Lack of suitable partners for women, financial difficulties, etc. make is harder for these women to reach that dream

11. Conclusion Ironically, working class and poor people revere marriage so much, that they won’t get in one (make a promise they can’t keep) unless they are confident it will work!