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This informative talk outlines the challenges of sexual self-control, particularly focusing on issues like masturbation and pornography among university students. It discusses strategies, such as pastoral care, teaching, and utilizing normal helps to guide young men towards overcoming such challenges effectively.
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Under Siege – Sex Today Pastoral Approach 1 2008
The Series • Sexual (Un)common Sense • Strategy and Tactics for Change 3. Pastoral Approach 1&2
Talk Outline • The purpose of the talk • The normal helps
Focus • Topic: sexual self-control • Focus: masturbation-pornography • Category: our university students + • Most do not have sexual self-control yet. • “Community kids” are like the others, except they usually have known these things are wrong.
Our young men • Why do I know anything about the situation? • Perhaps my sample is “biased”, but I do not think my conclusions are.
Our young men • Almost all of our young men have (had) a problem in this area. • At least in the past, they were under the domination of it. • Many of them have done things that were seriously wrong, sometimes things unheard of when I was young. • Internet pornography makes it more challenging. • Masturbation and pornography very often go together. • Pornography is more serious than masturbation in its consequences.
Our young men • Only some can get free by themselves — with good teaching. • I think I can get all of the converted ones free from it.
Talk Outline • The purpose of the talk • The normal helps
What can we do? • Teach about it. • From here on, I presuppose they accept these things as wrong. • Also about the purpose of sexuality. • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well. • Do not wait until they get married. • Work someone out of it.
Teaching • Most have gotten little apart from us. • Sexuality seminar (pre-formation) • FC 2: Course for single men (Year 2)
Pastoral care discussion When start to work on it? • When they bring it up wanting help • Entering formation: fornication • After FC 2: goal of basic sexual discipline
Normal Helps • Individual pastoral care discussions • Men’s group • Buddies • Internet protection • Special prayer
Normal Help: Pastoral Care • Only trained pastoral workers should do this, and under supervision.
Normal Help: Pastoral Care • Ask their permission. • Preferably each time at the start • This can be painful for them (although relief for others; or both at the same time). • Keep confidentiality. • Bring it up periodically, not each time. • Don’t make it the regular focus of normal pastoral care. – The goal is to keep an eye on the situation.
Normal Help: Pastoral Care • We want to encourage them they can do it and tell them to keep fighting.
The Value of Testimony • They need to know it can be done (some think it is impossible). • If you are over it… • If there is no reason you should not… • If not, speak about others.
Normal Help: Men’s Group • Confession in the men’s group you lead? • My criteria: • Only after you know where everyone is • Only if you are confident they are all willing • Only if you can check to see if they are being honest
Normal Help: Buddies • The buddy system – two guys confessing to each other • They do not necessarily give advice — mainly accountability. • Sacramental confession does not usually do the same thing. • They need to be committed to regular contact and direct speech.
Normal Help: Internet • A filter (blocking program) • Computer use in the open • Covenant Eyes for laptops
Normal Help: Prayer • Prayer for general help in area • Prayer for deliverance • Prayer for the past • No substitute for learning sexual discipline
What can we do? • Teach about it. • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well. • Work someone out of it. • This requires a special talk.