Dating, Boundaries, Harassment, Abuse & Sexual Assault

1. Dating, Boundaries, Harassment, Abuse & Sexual Assault What to know, How to stay safe, & Where to go for help EQ: What is harassment and and signs of abuse?

2. Boundaries & Respect While Dating DATING • What does that mean to you? • At what age do most people start dating? • How should / do people who are dating act towards each other? • What is a BOUNDARY? • How do you set them? • What areas of your relationship need boundaries? • How do you know what yours are?

3. Boundaries & Respect While Dating RESPECT • You need to have respect for your partner’s BOUNDARIES and for your own. • How would you let your partner know what your BOUNDARIES are? • How would you broach that CONVERSATION? How would you communicate how you feel?

4. Staying Safe While Dating • Know your limits and set clear boundaries • Only date those who share your same values • Group Date whenever possible • Plan out dates and stick to the plan • Let others know your plans (like parents)

5. Staying Safe While Dating • Avoid being alone at home • Sit next to each other… not on each other • Keep clothes on at all times • When you feel yourself getting out of control, back off or leave the situation • Avoid driving to dark secluded spots

6. Staying Safe While Dating • Don’t give in to added pressure on special occasions like birthdays, prom, or anniversaries • Always have someone to call for a ride, if you need to get away from your date • Avoid using drugs and alcohol

7. Unhealthy Relationships • Not talking and avoiding problems • Manipulation and mistreatment • Lack of trust and/or lying • Jealousy - unhealthy obsession • Lack of balance/inequality • Lack of respect

8. Unhealthy Relationships - Warning Light Does the other person…? • Put you down • Get extremely jealous or possessive • Constantly check up on you • Tell you how to dress

9. Unhealthy Relationships - Warning Light Does the other person…? • Try to control what you do and who you see • Have big mood swings • Make you feel nervous (like you are walking on eggshells) • Criticize you • Threaten to hurt you

10. Abusive and Unhealthy Behavior

12. Source: https://staradvocates.blog/tag/sexual-assault/

13. Teen Dating Violence Teen dating violence is defined by the CDC as "physical, psychological or sexual abuse; harassment; or stalking of any person ages 12-18 in the context of a consensual, romantic relationship." Source: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teen_dating_violence.html

14. Teen Dating Violence • 33% of adolescents in America are victim to sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional dating abuse. • 50% of young people who experience rape or physical or sexual abuse will attempt to commit suicide. • Only 1/3 of teens involved in an abusive relationship confide in someone about the violence. Source: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teen_dating_violence.html

15. Source: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teen_dating_violence.html

16. Dating Violence Cycle • Tension: Criticism, yelling, swearing, angry gestures, coercion or threats • Violence: Physical and sexual attacks or threats • Seduction: Apologies, promises to change or gifts • Jealousy and Possessiveness

17. What Should You Do? In an unhealthy relationship, you can: Increase communication End the relationship Tell someone about the abuse Helping your friend: Do not make them feel bad about their choices Offer to go with them to get help Remember you cannot “rescue” them

18. Breaking Boundaries & Harassment What is Harassment? • CA State regulations define sexual harassment as unwanted sexual advances, or visual, verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature. • This definition includes many forms of offensive behavior and includes gender-based harassment of a person of the same sex as the harasser. The following is a partial list of prohibited behavior:

19. Breaking Boundaries & Harassment What is Harassment? • Visual conduct: leering, making sexual gestures, displaying of sexually suggestive objects or pictures, cartoons or posters. • Verbal conduct: making or using derogatory comments, epithets, slurs and jokes. Verbal abuse of a sexual nature, graphic verbal commentaries about an individual’s body, sexually degrading words used to describe an individual.

20. Breaking Boundaries & Harassment What is Harassment? • Physical conduct: touching, assault, impeding or blocking movements. • Offering employment benefits in exchange for sexual favors. • Making or threatening retaliatory action after receiving a negative response to sexual advances.

21. Breaking Boundaries & Harassment If you're making unwanted comments toward, to, or about someone, of a sexual nature, that is considered harassment. These include: • Inappropriate comments made in person. • Inappropriate comments on a picture someone posts on social media. • Texts / Direct Messages. • Sending inappropriate pictures of a sexual nature via Text or Direct Message.

22. What to do if you ever experience harassment or threats… • First, COMMUNICATE. Express how you feel in a way that cannot be misunderstood by the other party. • If online, social media, or verbal harassment occurs let someone in authority know. Tell your parents, a school counselor, a teacher, an assistant principal, or the police. • Document the harassment. Screen capture the messages, save the pictures, and if possible record any in person confrontations.

23. Sexual Abuse • One in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old • 30% of women were between the ages of 11 and 17 at the time of their first completed rape • 27.8% of men were age 10 or younger at the time of their first completed rape victimization • More than one third of women who report being raped before age 18 also experience rape as an adult Source: https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics

24. Sexual Abuse • 96% of people who sexually abuse children are male, and 76.8% of people who sexually abuse children are adults • 34% of people who sexually abuse a child are family members of the child • It is estimated that 325,000 children per year are currently at risk of becoming victims of commercial child sexual exploitation • Only 12% of child sexual abuse is ever reported to the authorities Source: https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics

25. Physical / Sexual Assault, & Rape

26. Preventing / Avoiding Assault (Suggestions) • Never put yourself into a situation where you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. • Think ahead. • Safety in numbers. • Participate in group activities. • Hang out at houses with groups of people, not just a significant other while alone. • Make your feelings and boundaries clearly known to your partner. • Let people know where you are going. • Share your location (via text or your GPS) with your parents or trusted loved ones.

27. Physical / Sexual Assault, & Rape • #1…It is NOT your fault • Get to safety. Get to a place away from your attacker. • If you are a minor tell your parents, they will contact the authorities. • Call the police immediately and report the assault. Go to the hospital. • They have no power over you, disregard any threats made afterward to coerce you into silence. • Document, document, document. • People are there to help you (talk to a trusted adult).

28. QUESTIONS?