Saint Paul College, Pasig - Davao

1. Saint Paul College, Pasig - Davao Parents’ Recollection

2. Introduction: Gen 3:1-13 (The Fall of Man) God asked them, “Where are you?”

3. Question: “Where are you?” – This does not mean that God does not know where he is but God wants Adam and Eve to articulate where they are. Where are you in your being parents? Who is controlling your life ( the serpent?) Why? …. (question on motivation) - “Paradise” is perfect but Adam and Eve still failed! - Perfect situation is not a guarantee of not failing… - Do not blame others. We are liable to our options.

4. Where are you in your being parents? Who is controlling your life ( the serpent?)Why? …. (question on motivation)- “Paradise” is perfect but Adam and Eve still failed!- Perfect situation is not a guarantee of not failing…- Do not blame others. We are liable to our options.

5. General over view on Parenting 1. Parenthood is one of the most solemn and far reaching privilege and responsibility granted to human beings.

6. General over view on Parenting 2. Influences to Children: - facing the issues of earthly life. for or against eternal life.

7. General over view on Parenting 3. Parenting :exalted privilege and a first class responsibility. This sacred trust demands parents highest responsibilities, their noblest attention, and their richest investment of time and effort

8. General over view on Parenting The greatest characteristic of a successful parent is love. The greatest challenge of parenting is Control. The interaction of Love and Limits is probably the keenest cause of tension in parenting today.

9. Styles of Parenting • - Low on love and low on limits. • - View their children as interferences in the course of their lives, a hindrance to the pursuit of career or an obstacle to their fun. • - Consequently, they distance themselves from their children and develop no positive relationship. • -Teach no standards of right or wrong because they are low on limits. • - Give correction only when they are irritated and this often results to abuse. I.The Neglectful Parent Traits of Parents

10. Styles of Parenting Resultant traits in children -Children feel unloved, unwanted, and un-welcomed. -They suffer from low self esteem because they don’t feel valued by their parents. -They also feel insecure because the absence of limits and standards breeds insecurity. -Often, they are low achievers for they lack motivation. -They tend to become rebellious, reactive against injustice which they have experienced. As such, they become prime candidates for criminal activity.

11. Traits of Parents • - High on Love but low on Limits. • - Very loving and very caring, they endeavor to satisfy the many needs of their children. • - So caring that they are often over protective, making decisions that their children should be taught to make. • - Obsessed with the development of the child’s self-concept. • - Low on limits and offer no clear guidelines of right and wrong. • - Create no laws and enforce no standards. Styles of Parenting II. The Permissive Parents:

12. - When confronted with the child’s negative behavior, they are quick to offer excuses with the hope that such behavior will correct itself in due course. • - At times, they may plead with the child for change, but they never insist on compliance. Styles of Parenting

13. Resultant Traits in Children: • -The child is in charge, and is allowed to have his/her own way. • -With no established boundaries of behavior, these children are insecure. • -With no required limits to their conduct, they tend to lack self-control. • -Conformity to authority is alien to them. • -They delight in manipulating parents recognizing that their love “has no limits.” • -Usually weak on making moral choices since they were not exposed to clear lines of right and wrong. Styles of Parenting

14. Traits of Parents • - Converse of the permissive. • - Low in Love, high in Limits. • - Utter no expressions of Love, and their children are sensitive to this absence. • - The relationship seems to be that of master and servant rather than being parents and children. • - There is little dialogue and the child’s opinion are neither solicited nor respected. • - Seldom offer their children opportunities for making choices. Styles of Parenting The Authoritarian Parents:

15. - Insensitive to the needs and feelings of their offspring and thus these needs remain unattended. • -They are proud of their limits. They focus on behavior, obedience, and conformity. They are very strict and tend to ensure that the limits are respected. • -They are over concerned about the family’s reputation and “what people will say.” • - Corporal punishment is frequently applied. Styles of Parenting

16. Resultant Traits in Children • Suffer from low self-esteem because they were denied affirmation. • -Some tend to withdraw from the society because they have not been conscious or their true potential/ • -Others go to the other extreme and develop a spirit of resistance to rules, rebelling against authority. • -In the field of values, two extremes emerge: • Blind, over-conformity to their parents’ values • Total rejection of parents’ value-system. • -Ill-equipped for making choices since they are given little opportunity to develop that skill. Styles of Parenting

17. The Authoritative Parents • Traits of Parents: • -The ideal parenting style. • -High on Love, High on Limits • -Their first concern is a loving relationship with their children. • -They express physical affection and ensure that their love is felt. • -They take time to talk and to listen to their children and are sensitive and supportive. • -They involve their kids in decision-making process and teach them to make choices even at the risk of making the wrong ones at times. • -Here, parents and children are friends. Styles of Parenting The Authoritative Parents The Authoritative Parents

18. The Authoritative Parents • Traits of Parents: Styles of Parenting • - Abundant in Love and set Limits to behavior. • - Establish clearly-defined rules of conduct, and they explain the reasons for those standards so that children can obey intelligently. • -They require conformity but also provide for flexibility. • - They are firm but loving. They do discipline in Love.-

19. The Authoritative Parents • Resultant Traits in Children • -The children have a high sense of self-worth for they know that they are loved and valued. • -Have learned to obey without tyrannical domination, they develop self-control. • -They have a sense of security for they have been given limits with clear reasons why. • -They have been taught and given the opportunity to make choices. • -Children here are least rebellious, most self-assured, and best equipped to face the issues of life successfully. Styles of Parenting

20. Lay Spirituality in PCP II • Christocentric (Trinitarian) • Begin with a personal encounter with Christ • Not just inherited/passed on but beyond family traditions • Ability to see God’s will in one’s secular duties performing with love…(cf PCP II no. 441) • Personal relationship with God through personal prayer and the Eucharist as the summit • Trinitarian – Father as Creator, we are co-creators Son as Redeemer, We are co-redeemers ; discipleship Spirit as Sanctifier, We are co-sanctifiers; deep sense of mission

21. Preferential • In favor for the Poor. God’s will is that none of his children should lack the necessities of decent living • Evangelical Spirit of poverty • Detachment • Trust in the Lord • Special love for the poor as first act of service for them • The poor does not remain as recipients but be communicators of love themselves

22. Ministerial • Service patterned in the heart of Jesus who came not to be served but to serve • Service for the Church and humanity • “Nobody is so poor as to have nothing to give, and nobody is so rich as to have nothing to receive” (PCP II no. 98) • “Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal 6:2)

23. Missionary • Looking beyond our native shores • Re-evangelization of fellow Christians by Word and Work (ora et labora) • Call to the apostolate (priestly, prophetic, kingly) in the secular affairs • Ministry of the Word (as parents, educators, catechists, benefactors etc) • Bringing contemporary problems for Christian interpretation and resolution • Through direct mandate “by the hierarchy to exercise church functions for a spiritual purpose (LG 33)

24. The Laity and the Church’s Mission • Call to the Apostolate of the Church • By virtue of baptism and confirmation • Not by special mandate of the hierarchy • Not derived from an emergencies of the moment. • Laity’s natural right to be part of the Church’s Apostolate. • Call to witness in the Society • Secular quality as proper to the laity (LG, 31) • Secular context, laity achieve their sanctification (AA, 7) • The Laity evangelize by the witness of their lives (LG, 12) • Call to Mission in the church and in the World • Participation on the ministry of the Word (as parents, educators, catechists (AA, 9) • Contribution of time and money for apostolic endeavors • Could have direct mandate by the hierarchy to exercise Church functions for a spiritual purpose. (LG 33)

25. Call to build Christian families • Major task of the Laity – Family life! Thus, contribute to the resolution of one of the most urgent problems facing humanity (AA, 11:1) • Family as schools of holiness (LG, 35), • social virtues, ministry (LG, 32), • and of the social defense of the family values (GS 52) • As domestic church (LG, 11) • Gather other families for mutual support (AA, 11)

26. God Bless you all!