Life’s Transitions

1. Life’s Transitions Handling our own and helping others

2. The Trajectory of Life • LIFE BEGINS WITH CONCEPTION!!! At that time we transit from non-being to being • We do not need coping mechanisms • We do need protection

3. The Trajectory of Life • As a physician and psychiatrist I was not taught that there was a trajectory to life • I was taught about some of the nodal points on the trajectory • The three nodal points that were emphasized were birth aging and death • There was little discussion of what was in between

4. The Trajectory of Life • Actually our trajectory begins with conception • At that time all that our body will be is determined • Our mind exists only in the nascent form it is to develop into during the rest of our life • We are, however, created in disjunction from a person of the opposite sex and from God

5. The Trajectory of life • Our life consists of three interdependent systems • Body • Soul • Spirit • These interact with one another. If anything is not functioning correctly it influences the other • They do not have the same trajectory

6. Nodal Points • There are points where positive and negative changes take place • The first is our birth • Prior to birth we have developed enough mind to begin to learn • We learn about the voices in the environment • We learn about music

7. Birth • We are traumatized by our birth, but our body is so designed that we can tolerate the physical trauma • Before birth we are nourished through the umbilical cord, but after birth we must take in food through our mouth • Before birth we did not have to worry about keeping warm. After birth we have to be kept warm and fed • We must also be loved because we have a radical need for it!!!!

8. Birth • Before birth we are in constant contact with our mother. After birth we have to be held and cuddled and stimulated verbally • We are still totally dependent on our mothers and other caregivers • Before birth we did not have to interact with the environment now we have to begin interacting and communicating with people in it

9. Infancy • As we grow we have to learn to walk, talk, relate to people, take in food and drink, maintain hygiene, and dress ourselves. • We remain dependent until we start to school. Now we have to take on responsibility for a part of our lives. This is a transition

10. Early Childhood • We remain in a dependent state until we are 9 or 10 years old. • Our sex hormones kick in and we suddenly begin to separate from our parents and individuate • This is the second nodal point in our lives. Here we have to assume increasing responsibility for our lives

11. Early Childhood • Parents who are used to a child being dependent have to adjust • They have to give the child more responsibility, but they give him/her only as much as they can effectively handle • As the child advances in age they will come to a point where they will want to be free and exercise adult responsibility, but they will for a while they will be ambivalent about it

12. Late Childhood • This is the beginning of puberty • Abstract thinking now begins to occur and the child wants to have more freedom • They begin to form girl-boy relationships • Sexual maturity begins and the child can associate sex with gender • Conflicts develop in and about relationships

13. Adolescence • This is one of the critical transitions of life • This time of life is filled with turmoil • Children are transiting from childhood to adulthood • They are trying to establish their own identity • They are setting goals and making plans for their future • They are also trying to establish relationships that will last for a lifetime

14. Adolescence • This period of life is very traumatic • It is especially so if they person comes from a dysfunctional family—a family with inadequate supplies of love and wisdom • The conflicts may seem insoluble and the young person despairs • This leads to a high incidence of suicide • Or major depression

15. Early Adulthood • Here the person is on their own at least partially • They may still for the most part be economically dependent • Here they have to live life—obtain housing, food, clothing, transportation, recreation, and find a support community • The latter will determine who their friends are • They also will have to find their life’s work

16. Early Adulthood • Establishing the latter is often conflict ridden • On major work that has to be done is to find a mate • A person needs to know that the selection of their mate must be in love. They must be born-again in love • There are practical considerations too • Finally, they have to establish economic independence

17. Adulthood • Having made the transition---finding a mate, establishing a career, and becoming economically independent they embark on the next phase of life • Then very soon there is a transition to living family life. This comes with children • We have a radical need to have children—when they come we are once more born-again • Some of us had to die when we married, and some of us has to die when children come • The major transition comes with the first child

18. Adulthood • The next nodal point comes when we reach middle age • Mid-life crises arise with differing degrees of severity • There are a number of factors that precipitate these • Children leave home • Careers have reached their highest levels of achievement

19. Midlife Crises • Physical vigor decreases • Career goals have been reached, and we suffer Alexander the Great’s syndrome • There are few new experiences to be had so boredom sets in • Excitement goes out of marriage • Parents become dependent or die • We despair • We may try to compensate

20. Midlife Crises • A crisis that occurs in many in over 50% of people today is divorce and remarriage • This is a major transition for both spouses • To transition from marriage to single again is most difficult and requires detaching oneself from a partner • Becoming a single parent is a major transition • Remarriage to another partner is difficult

21. Midlife • Many people develop ennui in midlife • This is a kind of meaninglessness or emptiness • We may try one of two courses to overcome the ennui that we feel in midlife • One is to get a new wife or husband • Or we try a new career • Or we can turn to alcohol and drugs • These things do not resolve the ennui. They only temporarily help

22. Early Old-age • At the present time most people look forward to retirement at age 62-65 • Until then they mark time by doing what they have always done • Then they retire. Most do not plan for it • They need to have some plans for their retirement years

23. Early Old-age • In their plans they should consider the environment they are going to live in • The people they are going to live among and with • The availability of good medical care • Their income • Available recreational facilities • Closeness to their extended family

24. Old age • I consider old age to have its onset when we no longer have the stamina to continue our usual productive work • Most of the causes will be physical disabilities • Mental disability is the most handicapping • We may, however, still have our mind being renewed and must have some outlets to continue limited productivity

25. Coping With Transitions • Living life and dealing with the stresses of the transitions is possible so that happiness is possible • One cannot do much about the stress of being conceived. • The same is true of being born • Once a child is born he/she must be loved unconditionally and taught the rules of life • They must be loved just because they are • But if you were not loved as an infant this will not be known to you but it is possible that you can be loved with inner healing

26. Coping cont. • Most persons cannot recall memories of the first five years of life, but God will reveal those memories to you, and since he is the Lord of time he will go back with you and heal any traumas • When we start to school we leave home for the first time and become responsible for gaining more knowledge to help us cope with life • Here we are developing skills to relate to the community of mankind

27. Coping cont. • At puberty we find ourselves interested in persons of the opposite sex and have to develop relationship skills • Our efforts to do this may be frustrated and result in the development of inadequate relational skills • Sooner or later we realize that there are positive and negative skills so we have to learn the positive • It is imperative that our parents and they church teach them to us

28. Coping • Since life is lived in relationships it is important that we know how relationships develop • 1. All relationships are established in love • 2. Love is an emotion that draws us to one another • 3. There are four kinds of love • A erotic love or love for a person of the opposite sex

29. Coping cont. • Filial love or love of a parent for a child or a child for a parent • Love for a friend • And the love of God for us and our love for him • All love results in the installation of the object of our love in us • The degree of installation is determined by the object

30. Coping cont. • Our mate and God are completely installed in us • Our children are installed completely early in life but as they become separated and individuated they will be released • Our installation of friends is only partial • In all instances they have to be emotionally released to end a relationship.

31. Coping cont. • Happiness in life comes about because of our love relationships • Our relationship with God • Our relationship with a mate • Our relationship with our children • Our relationship with our friends • And vocational creativity

32. Coping cont. • Since all transitions have to do with relationships let us see how we cope with them • After our birth and until we have separated and individuated from our parents we need a stable home where love and order are manifest • Loving parents will help us make the transition from infancy to childhood.

33. Infancy to Childhood • They will teach their children: • How to relate to the environment • How to love themselves • How to love others • Who they are in God’s eyes • Some preliminary goals for our life • A proper attitude about education • About work • About God

34. What do we teach them about God? • Who he is • What his attributes are • The nature of the Trinity • Who Jesus is • The work and person of the Holy Spirit • How we can relate to him • We can start this anytime in life

35. Childhood to Adolescence • This period of life requires much attention • Children need to be taught: • About sex • About values • About the elements of character • About relationships • About a worldview • About God

36. Adolescence to Adulthood • At this period of life our young people need to be taught: • How to select a vocation • About goals and plans for life, and how to achieve them • About courtship marriage and family • About God

37. Adulthood • The primary need of all young adults is to know about marriage and family • The nature and rules of courtship • Selecting a mate • Installing the beloveds in one another • How to communicate and its importance • Planning for living together

38. Midlife • The major work here is to be sure that boredom does not occur in • Our work • Our marriage • Our relationships • We need to keep excitement in our lives • We also need to keep on learning

39. Old age • The same rules apply for old age that apply to midlife • There are though general rules for advising people of any age • 1. A relationship with God gives us power to deal with transitions, to obtain guidance and • 2.Provides us with wisdom (James 1:5) • 3. He gives us knowledge • 4. He teaches us how to relate

40. Rules to live by • He has given us a handbook for living and will illuminate its rules when we have a specific need. • We do therefore need to cultivate our relationship with God and He will tell us that: • We are accepted (John 1:12) • We are secure (Romans 8:35-39) • We are significant (John15:16) • He will provide guidance • He will supply all of our needs • And nothing can separate us from his love

41. Conclusions • In the foregoing I have tried to tell you that there is a trajectory of life • It is not the same for our body soul and spirit • Our body develops decays and dies • Our soul develops and only decays if our brain is diseased. Even then it does not cease to exist • Our soul is immortal and it will exist in eternity either in heaven or hell

42. Conclusions • If we are in Christ and he in us we go to heaven • If we are not in Christ we will go to hell and be separated from God for eternity • Our charge is to help as many people manage their transitions as possible and introduce them to the Lord of life