JUST Listening for Pro Bono Attorneys

1. JUST Listening for Pro Bono Attorneys Association of Pro Bono Counsel Academy October 15, 2009

2. Identify A Time in your life when you have either: • Been deeply listened to • Or Not Questions: • Identify one trait that characterized the listener/non-listener • What was the effect of this experience?

3. Part I: JUST Listening Skills

4. “Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life.” Brenda Ueland

5. Active Listening….one of many listening modalities • Encouraging • Restating • Reflecting • Summarizing

6. JusticeOne definition of Justice is “Right Relationship”

7. JUST Listening Premises • Being heard empowers the speaker • People hold the solutions to their own problems within • Skilled listening opens up new possibilities for all involved, and can be a powerful tool for personal and social transformation and change. • Although rarely consulted or listened to, people on the social margins are the best source of information and ideas about the issues facing them. • Skilled listening is possible only when one is actively cultivating self awareness and regular habits of reflection

8. “I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.” Rachel Naomi Remen

9. Part II: Listening To Others

10. Implications of Collaborative Approach: • Attorney-client relationship • Choice of strategy • Outcomes • Client satisfaction

11. Listening Filters • Culture and Custom • Non-verbals • Biases/Prejudices/ Assumptions See Project Implicit: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/ • Prior Experience, including Knowledge • For lawyers, this includes legal knowledge/skills/ expertise. Clients bring their own experience and skill.

12. Filters • The Lawyer Personality • Socio-Cultural Conversational Dynamics • Socio-Cultural Values

13. Internal Monologue: What goes on in your head? • Thinking of what to say in response • Thinking of a solution • Thinking of why the other person is wrong • Thinking about a similar thing that happened to you • Thinking about what you have to do next • Worrying about your problem child • Worrying about 3,000 things that might happen

14. The Lawyer PersonalityAdapted from Understanding and Leading Lawyers, by Dr. Larry Richard • Lawyers are not like other kids • On most personality traits, lawyers score dramatically differently from other people • On 6 of 18 traits, lawyers score two levels outside the standard deviation

15. Lawyers: • Are more skeptical Greatest deviation from norm of all indicators. • Are more autonomous • Have a greater sense of urgency • Have a higher level of empathy • Have a lower level of sociability (degree to which connect at cerebral or emotional level) Lawyers: 12% General Public: 50 % • Utilize abstract reasoning to a greater degree • Are less resilient • Are most effective in One on One communication Keep large group discussions to a minimum.

16. Socio-Cultural Conversational Dynamics adapted from the work of Ruby Payne, PhD • The Role of Language • Formal and casual speech • The Role of Story

17. Socio-Cultural Rules • Hidden Rules Among Classes • Assumptions about: • possessions • money • time • education • language • world view • personality • motivations

18. Possible Class and Culture-Based Differences Between Attorneys and Pro Bono Clients* *Based on the work of: • Nancy Boyd-Franklin, Nancy. Black Families in Therapy: Understanding the African American Experience. • MonicaMcGoldrick, Joe Giordano, and Nydia Garcia-Preto, editors. Ethnicity and Family Therapy, 3rd Edition. • Ruby K. Payne, PhD, A Framework For Understanding Poverty

19. Logistical obstacles to planning ahead and, e.g., keeping appointments • The degree of belief in own ability to control events

20. Willingness to share money with friends and relatives, even when financially strapped • Dependence on written communication vs. oral communication

21. The importance of work, achievement, and material security in decision-making • The importance of survival and relationships in decision-making

22. POVERTY http://www.usccb.org/cchd/povertyusa/tour.htm

23. Implications for Pro Bono Clients and Attorneys • Information Gathering and Sharing • Relationship • Communication • Choice of Strategy • Outcomes • Client Satisfaction • Attorney Satisfaction • The Pro Bono Enterprise • Access to Justice

24. ONE MORE FILTER… OUR EGOS

25. IMPEDIMENTS TO LISTENING:UNCONSCIOUS MANIFESTATIONS OF EGOConsiderations for JUST ListeningAdapted from Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

26. Desiring, seeking, or demanding recognition for something you did • Being angry, upset, disgruntled, or ‘holding on’ if you don’t get it • Trying to get attention by talking about your problems, the story of your life, your experiences, your issues, your illnesses etc., In extreme cases, making a scene. • Giving your opinion when nobody has asked for it and it makes no difference to the situation

27. Being more concerned with how the other person sees you than with the other person • Trying to make an impression on others through knowledge, status, physical strength, possessions, good looks, etc. For some, boasting of the OPPOSITE, e.g. a simple lifestyle, lack of possessions. • Bringing about temporary ego inflation through angry reaction against someone or something

28. Taking things personally, feeling offended • Making yourself right and others wrong through futile mental or verbal complaining, gymnastics, explaining. • Wanting to be seen, or appear important

29. REFLECT Which of these behaviors do I own? When have I/do I utilize them? How did they serve me in the past? Is it time to let them go?

30. Personal Conversational Dynamics Take the next 5 minutes to reflect on your own conversational dynamics. Which, if any, or these behaviors and interactions do you engage in? Are you aware of this in the conversational moment? Having you ever reflected on these dynamics following a conversation? Discuss with person sitting next to you.

31. TIPS • Once you have detected such a pattern, determine what it FEELS like to engage in it. Practice letting it go when it surfaces. See what happens. • Choose to de-emphasize yourself and all ego manifestations. Choose to be transparent, entering fully and consciously into every moment. • Practice Silence

32. Listening Tips: Preparation for Listening…adapted from Gene Knudson Hoffman and Leah Green • DO: • Self educate to avoid being rude or offensive • Be alert for nonverbal cues from speaker. Don’t assume that nods or eye contact are appreciated. They may be blocks and reveal more about you than about the person you are listening to. • Cultivate stillness • Be sincere • Be open and curious. • In group settings, note how speaker responds to all present. We all tend to respond to people giving us the cues that make us feel most comfortable. Pay attention • Focus on experience, not convictions

33. Listening Tips, continued Initially: in Interview/Meeting Avoid: Interruption……..at all. • Giving advice/ proposing solutions • Asking a judgmental question • Becoming distracted, even by your own thoughts • Filling silences Permission Pending

34. The Listening Process Before you begin: • Identification and AWARENESS of own biases, conversational dynamics and tendencies, unconscious ego involvement • Conscious intention to clear mind and heart of all of these • Receptivity and openness to the person in front of you • Genuine curiosity “I don’t know.”

35. The Third Way Find your own Third Way through JUST Listening: • Develop an interior process for ‘clearing’ to Listen Tip: Find a metaphor for what you do: • E.g. The Aikido Model: Pay attention, Align, Lead “Sweeping the Sand” Close one door, open another 2. Enter conversation with genuine curiosity, an unknowing There are exceptions to every rule. Including this one.

36. “Listening is the oldest and perhaps most powerful tool of healing” “Our listening creates sanctuary for the homeless parts within the other person.” Rachel Naomi Remen Listening alone does some of the work for you.

37. This slide will contain an image, poem, quote, or some other material to serve as a prompt for a short reflection Possibly William Stafford’s The Way It Is

38. Reflect on this (image, poem, quote) and all that you have just heard. What, if anything: • Inspires you • Surprises you • Challenges you, creates resistance in you • Makes you emotional, or evokes your compassion

39. Strategic Questioning: Is the legal solution the only or best one ?

40. Question Categories/FamiliesAdapted from:Strategic Questioning : An Experiment in Communication of the Second Kind, by Fran Peavey • 1. FOCUS QUESTIONS identify the situation and the key facts necessary to an understanding of the situation. • "What is your biggest worry? • What are you most concerned about in his situation?“ • 2. OBSERVATION QUESTIONS are concerned with what one sees and the information one has heard regarding the situation. Notice: do not refer to the situation as a "problem" for that would set a field which may work against creative thinking. • KEYWORDS: see, hear, know, find, etc.

41. 3. FEELING QUESTIONS are concerned with body sensations, emotions and health. “How does it feel when you think or talk about this situation?" • KEYWORDS: feel, suffer, tired, angry, sad, frustrated, needs, etc. • 4. VISIONING QUESTIONS are concerned with identifying one's ideals, dreams, and values. • KEYWORDS: hope, wish, like, love, better, justice, etc.

42. MOVING INTO STRATEGIC QUESTIONS • 5. CHANGE QUESTIONS are concerned with how to get from the present situation towards a more ideal situation. • (Here you are trying to find the individual's change view that will greatly impact the strategies for change she will believe in.) • KEYWORDS: what will it take..., how could. • 6. CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVES Try to imagine more than two alternatives (non dualistic). Be alert for other alternatives to pop up in other areas of questioning. Do not rule out any alternative. • KEYWORDS: alternative ways, imagine, and all the ways imaginable

43. 7. PERSONAL INVENTORY AND SUPPORT QUESTIONS are concerned with identifying one's interests, potential contribution and the support necessary to act. • KEYWORDS: what will it take, part of the change, your part, everyone has a role, etc. • 8. PERSONAL ACTION QUESTIONS are those which get down to the specifics of what to do, how and when to do it. The actual plan begins to emerge. • AVOID questions that suggest specific alternatives ("Have you considered..."), yes/no questions, and "why" questions.

44. Potential of Strategic Questioning in Attorney-Client Context • Enhanced Communication • Surfacing of Alternatives, Creative Solutions • Improved Outcomes

45. Part III: Listening to Ourselves

46. Hearts of Justice Predicate to JUST Listening: Creating and Sustaining Balance and Health for The Long Haul

47. INTEGRATION: Work/Life BalanceOur life and work are unifiedAre our values? “ One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important” Bertrand Russell

48. Obstacles to the Reflective Life

49. Causes of Burnout • Environmental • Organizational • Attitudes /Beliefs

50. Work Boundaries Personal Issues Office Cultural Expectations Stress and Your Body Rest and Leisure Time What is Essential vs. Merely Important Technology How the World Works: Scarcity or Abundance? Victimhood or Choice? Attitudes About: