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LSU Agricultural Center November 9, 2007. Self-Assessment Inventory. Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120 . Being Okay Just Isn’t Enough!.
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LSU Agricultural Center November 9, 2007 Self-Assessment Inventory 5253 Dijon Dr., Ste. D, Baton Rouge 70808 Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Being Okay Just Isn’t Enough! • Are you a Faultfinding or Critical Person? • How Jealous and Competitive Are You? • How Controlling Are You? • Is Your Thinking Positive or Negative? • Past, Present or Future Focused? Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
What’s Your Performance Style ?Take this quiz to become more aware of your own on-the-job style by using the key below: 1. ___ It bothers me when requests are made of me at work. 2. ___ I prefer to work my own way to get the job accomplished, even if it takes longer. 3. ___ I’d rather keep my feelings to myself. 4. ___ I’m comfortable with my job duties and don’t look to increase them. 5. ___ Most people seem to tolerate conflict better than I do. 6. ___ Criticism bothers me. 7. ___ When asked to do things I dislike, it’s not a big deal because the request may be forgotten. 8. ___ Appearing successful is what counts. 9. ___ I wish I could change things but can live with the way things are. 10. ___I shouldn’t make my frustration or anger obvious. 11. ___Talking things over creates more problems than solutions. 12. ___I’m skeptical of new assignments and plans unless I had a hand in creating them. 13. ___I’ve felt the same concerns/disappointments before in similar situations. 14. ___If I know I’ll be getting feedback I might not like, I’d rather be absent that day. 15. ___I can do the job better if allowed to do it myself. 16. ___People at work are not to be trusted. 17. ___I feel pretty good knowing things that others don’t and having an advantage over them. 18. ___When I disagree, sarcasm works better than being direct. 19. ___I wish I felt more confident about my skills, my talents, myself. 20. ___It’s tough to tell others about my decisions most of the time. 21. ___When something requires quick action, I feel uneasy and pressured. 22. ___When new supervisors are hired, I feel extra cautious. 23. ___If someone isn’t doing his job right, I’ll keep quiet; let them find out the hard way. 24. ___If I make a mistake, I definitely do not want to discuss it with my supervisor. 25. ___I’m uncomfortable when someone talks to me about how to do my job better. 1. Not Like Me 2. Only Slightly Like Me 3. Somewhat Like Me 4. Very Much Like Me Tally the total number of points and compare with the following key. ___________ Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Your Performance Score • A score of 25 - 43: Your style is fairly direct and open to self-expression, adaptability, and new challenges. It’s unlikely that you hide much, and are not afraid to deal productively with problems. • A score of 44 – 62:Your style is somewhatdirect, but in some cases, you might shy away from or feel uncomfortable with confrontation. Be aware of this because remaining open and willing to adapt yields great things. Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Your Performance Score continued: • A score of 63 – 81: Your style is indirect. Confrontation makes you uneasy. If this sounds like you, it might be wise to talk this over with someone you trust and who can offer you honest feedback. • A score of 82 – 100: Your style is prettymuch indirect. While it may work for you, it’s likely that you’ve hidden some frustrations along the way because you sidestep people, situations, even challenges that might actually benefit you. Be open to assistance to boost your assertiveness and self-confidence. Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Say the Right Words at the Right Time • The wrong words said at the wrong time… DISCOURAGE • The wrong words said at the right time… FRUSTRATE • The right words said at the wrong time… CONFUSE • The right words said at the right time… ENCOURAGE Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
When it is time to speak andsay the right things at the right time… • Be sensitive to Time and Place • Say it From the Heart • Recognize the Power of the Right Words at the Right Time Keep These Thoughts in Mind: Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Changing a Life One Person at a Time Change someone’s day --- or maybe even his entire life --- by saying the right words at the right time, from the heart. Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Listen with Your Heart • Focus on the Person • Unclog Your Ears • Listen Aggressively • Listen to Understand Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Focus on the Person: • Avoid being preoccupied • Avoid preparing your answers while the other person is still talking • Avoid jumping in when they take a breath Truly listening is exhausting! Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Focus on the Person • Herb Cohen, often called the world’s best negotiator, says, “Effective listening requires more than hearing the words transmitted. It demands that you find meaning and understanding in what is being said. After all, meanings are not in words, but in people.” Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Unclog Your Ears • Distractions – Phone calls, pagers, PDAs make good listening nearly impossible. • Defensiveness – If you view complaints or criticism as a personal attack, you become defensive. • Closed-mindedness – When you think you have all the answers, you close your mind. Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Also Avoid: • Projection– Automatically attributing your own thoughts and feelings to others prevents you from perceiving how they feel. • Assumptions – When you jump to conclusions, you take away your own incentive to listen. • Pride– Thinking we have little to learn from others is, perhaps, the most deadly of distractions to listening. Being full of yourself leaves little room for input from others. Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Listen aggressively: • Exhibit genuine understanding • Avoid “play listening” • Stay in the here and now • Focus on the other person’s point of view Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Ask yourself: How can I better understand what this person is feeling and thinking? Remember: The best way to persuade is with your ears. Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Appreciate theGood Intentions of Others To err is human; to forgive is not company policy. ---UNKNOWN Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Optimizing Beliefs inGood Intentions • Believe the Best About People • See Things from Their Perspective • Give People the Benefit of the Doubt • Remember Their Good Days, Not Their Bad Ones Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Forgiveness is not an occasional act, It is a permanent attitude. ---Martin Luther King, Jr. Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Practice the Golden Rule : By appreciating what others intend, not only by what they do— just as you would like for them to do with you. Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Types of Hidden Anger at Work • Backstabber • Avenger • Controller • Cynic • Eeyore • Blamer • Mute • Star Tim Murphy, Ph.D Loriann Hoff Oberlin Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Things a Leader Must Do: • Listen to what bugs you • Don’t let negative things just sit there • Listen to your symptoms • Do not allow negative things to take up space in your brain or life Get rid of Negative Energy Make Room for the Good Stuff Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Words of Wisdom: “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself” ---William King Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
Remember: If I fail to believe the best in others, I will receive what I expect --- The Worst! Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120
References: • Maxwell, J.C., and Parrott, L. (2005) 25 Ways to Win with People. Nelson Business. • Brinkman, R. and Kirschner, R. (2006) Dealing with Difficult People: 24 Lessons for Bringing Out the Best in Everyone. McGraw-Hill. • Cloud, Henry. (2006) 9 Things a Leader Must Do. Thomas Nelson • Murphy, T. and Hoff-Oberlin, Loriann. (2005) Overcoming Passive-Aggression, How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness. Marlowe & Company of New York • Helmering, D. W. (1996) Being Okay Just Isn’t Enough. National Press Publications • Sutton, R.I., (2007) The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t. Warner Business Books. • Maxwell. J.C. (2006) The Difference Maker: Making Your Attitude Your Greatest Asset • Johnson, R.R. (2006) Assertive Management: The Key to Effective Leadership. Wolfgang Press Lori LeBlanc, LPC, LMFT 5253 Dijon Dr. Suite D, Baton Rouge, LA 70808 (225)768-8120