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Explore a collection of hilarious bloopers and accidental humor from various sources such as Yogi Berra quotes, Archie Bunker's mistakes, children's language blunders, Freudian slips, newspaper stories, funny signs, and more. Laugh out loud as you discover the unintentional comedy in everyday situations.
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BLOOPERS AND ACCIDENTAL HUMOR by Don L. F. Nilsen and Alleen Pace Nilsen
YOGI BERRA • Yogi Berra was the catcher for the New York Yankees baseball team. He said: • “I want to win 100 or 105 games this year—whichever comes first.” • “It’s déjà vu all over again.” • “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.” • Yogi Berra was the inspiration for the cartoon character on television named “Yogi Bear.”
ARCHIE BUNKER • In All in the Family, Archie Bunker’s mistakes showed that he was a xenophobic biggot: • Milton Berlin, Morgan David wine, Blackberry Finn, pushy imported ricans, and a regular Marco Polish showed he was racist. • Englebum Humperdunk and welfare incipients showed he was uneducated. • The immaculate connection, Dunn and Broadstreet, and groinocologist showed he was sexist.
CHILDREN’S BLOOPERS • Children are often faced with language that they are unfamiliar with. • That’s why children may change “chess” into “chest.” • Or they may change the church hymn “Gladly the Cross I’d Bear” into “Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear.”
From Richard Lederer’s Anguished English: • “Queen Elizabeth was the ‘Virgin Queen….’ When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.”
Also From Richard Lederer’s Anguished English: • “It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Frances Drake circumsised the world with a 100-foot clipper.”
CHILDREN’S EXCUSES FOR ABSENCE • Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins. • Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault. • Teacher, please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
SIGMUND FREUD • Sigmund Freud said that slips of the tongue often are evidence of people’s subconscious desires, as when the President of the Lower House of Parliament opened a meeting by saying: • “Gentlemen, I take notice that a full quorum of members is present and herewith declare the meeting closed.”
SAMUEL GOLDWIN • Samuel Goldwin of Metro Goldwin Meyer said: • A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. • Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is named William. • For your information, I would like to ask a question. • Now, gentlemen, listen slowly.
INTERNATIONAL ENGLISH • Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: • “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.” • Sign in an Acapulco hotel: • “The manager has personally passed all the water served here.”
Sign in a Japanese hotel: • “Cold and Heat. If you want to condition the warm in your room, please control yourself.” • Sign in a Hong Kong tailor shop: • “Ladies may have a fit upstairs.”
NEWSPAPER STORIES • The United Press International reported a story from Sheridan, California: • “A farm goose flying along suddenly exploded in mid-air. The sheriff’s deputy explained that the goose must have swallowed a blasting cap, which was somehow set off.”
An unoccupied car, parked near the Horseshoe Falls, turned its lights on. • then the lenses shattered, • the horn began to blow, • the engine started, • the car burst into flames, and • the windshield exploded. • Firemen blamed the car’s activity on a short circuit.
The Salt Lake Tribune: • “The Salt Lake City Track Club’s All-Women’s 10,000-meter race is scheduled Saturday at 8 a.m. at Sugarhouse Park. The entry fee is $4 with shirt or $1 without.”
NEWSPAPER HEADLINES • Dr. Ruth Talks about Sex with Newspaper Editors • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge • Defendant’s Speech Ends in Long Sentence • Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn’t Seen in Years
PUBLIC SIGNS • Sign on a ski slope in Northern Arizona: • “Out of control skiers yield right-of-way.” • Sign on a West Coast bridge during World War II: • “In case of bombing attack, drive directly off the bridge.”
WILLIAM A. SPOONER • British clergyman William A. Spooner was a professor at Oxford University who is reported to have said: • “Three cheers for our queer old dean” (referring to Queen Victoria) • “Is it kistomary to cuss the bride?” • “Stop hissing all my mystery lectures.”
CASEY STENGEL • Casey Stengel, the manager of the New York Yankees baseball team, said: • “I guess I’ll have to start from scraps.” • “Everybody line up alphabetically according to your height.”
TELEVISION BLOOPERS • On The World’s Funniest Videos you will find such things as: • a baseball player who loses his pants when he catches a fly ball, • a bridegroom in a wedding ceremony who sprays his mouth before kissing the bride • a child who searches for Easter Eggs in the baskets of other children
Accidental Humor Web Site: KETCHUP CAR CRASH: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQQD9bPrUPU MONDEGREENS: http://www.thelisttv.com/the-list/whats-trending/common-christmas-carol-fails
