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1. Feedback Tuesday 4th October 2011

2. Commas • Alan recites advertising jingles when Dysart asks him questions about himself, this behaviour suggests that he is trying to avoid answering the questions, which indicates that he is ashamed or embarrassed about the crime he has committed. • Alan recites advertising jingles when Dysart asks him questions about himself. This behaviour suggests that he is trying to avoid answering the questions, which indicates that he is ashamed or embarrassed about the crime he has committed.

3. When not to use Commas • Commas should not be used to connect or separate sentences as a casual substitute for the full stop: • A party has been arranged, it will not take place until next week. • This is weak writing. The statement should be made either as two separate sentences, or if they are brought together because of their natural connection, a conjunction is required: • A party has been arranged but it will not take place until next week. • A party has been arranged; it will not take place until next week. • A party has been arranged. It will not take place until next week.

4. What do commas do? • A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air."Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. • "I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up." • The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation. • "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

5. Apostrophes • Frank is an atheist who believe’s that all of Alans violent actions have been caused by being exposed to the religious stories which focus on Christs suffering. • Frank is an atheist who believesthat all of Alan’s violent actions have been caused by being exposed to the religious stories which focus on Christ’ssuffering.

6. Apostrophes of Possession • This apostrophe is used to show when something belongs to someone. • My brother’s room - The room belonging to my brother. • My parents’ wedding - The wedding of my parents. • The children’s shoes - The shoes belonging to the children. Notice : The bull lowered its head - its does not need an apostrophe here. You may use this apostrophe in all of your writing, both formal and informal.

7. Try some yourself… • The work belonging to the boys. • The dress belonging to the girl. • The poem written by Philip Larkin. • The intention of the author.

8. Semi-colons ; • The semi-colon has only one major use. It is used to join two complete sentences into a single written sentence when the following conditions are met: • The sentences are felt to be too closely related to be separated by a full stop; • There is no connecting word that would require a comma, such as and or but; • The special conditions requiring a colon are absent.

9. Semi-colons - some examples • It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. • Tolkien published The Hobbit in 1937; the first volume of The Lord of the Rings followed in 1954. • Women’s conversation is co-operative; men’s is competitive.

10. Semi-colons - try some yourself... • Michael was very tall; • David Beckham is a famous footballer; • GCSE examinations are stressful; • I don’t like him; • Lisa is upset; • I have the answer; Write your answers on your whiteboard

11. Writing precisely • Rewrite the following more precisely, retaining the meaning: • Larkin’s poem ’Faith Healing’ has a connection with Frank’s feelings at that specific moment. This is due to ‘Faith Healing’ being a poem about believing in something because they want to believe it, almost like a false hope. • ‘Faith Healing’ suggests that these healers present false hopes to their congregation but their healing ‘nothing cures’.

12. Similarly, Larkin uses the aspect of advertising within the poem ‘Essential Beauty’. Within the poem, he is trying to convey that advertisements are screening the realities of life. • Similarly, Larkin uses advertising in ‘Essential Beauty’ to convey how advertising ‘screens graves with custard’ or tries to cover up the realities of life.

13. In comparison, this is rather different to Dysart in ‘Equus’ where he is portrayed as a man who wants nothing more than to get rid of his work. • In comparison, in ‘Equus’ Dysart is portrayed as having doubts about the effectiveness of his profession.

14. In ‘Essential Beauty’, Larkin is advertising custard but at the end, he adds in ’covers slums with custard’. Larkin has done this to show that something is being covered up. As custard is a rich yellow, golden colour it represents richness. As it is covering slums, it is deceitful as people who live in slums are not able to afford it. • In ‘Essential Beauty’, Larkin is commenting on how advertising in the 1960s presented an unrealistic view of reality and it could be argued that it raises unrealistic expectations of what these products could do for you.

15. However, Larkin described the ‘treatment’ as ‘warm spring rain of loving each dwells some twenty seconds’ implying that by having twenty seconds of loving care that would be the time it takes for you to be heard, is that enough love? • Larkin’s cynical approach to religion is reinforced by measuring the treatment in ‘seconds’ which suggests that this is insufficient to have an effect on the congregation of ‘moustached’ and vulnerable women.