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Under Siege – Sex Today

This series explores the challenges of sex in today's society, focusing on topics such as sexual desire and male sexuality. It also addresses the pervasive issue of pornography and offers strategies for change.

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Under Siege – Sex Today

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  1. Under Siege – Sex Today Sexual (Un)common Sense 2010

  2. The Series • Sexual (un)common sense • Strategy and Tactics for Change

  3. Talk Outline • The Challenge Today • Sexual Desire • Male sexuality

  4. The War We Are In • The triumph of promiscuous sexuality • Sex as for pleasure according to personal preference • Sex in public accepted • The new challenge: pornography triumphant

  5. Pornography Triumphant • Since WW2, it has become a mammoth industry. • A $8–12 billion business (US) • It affects Christians: 23% of Christian households subscribe to porn channels when they take cable TV (same as national average). • An American survey showed 50% of Christian men and 20% of Christian women were addicted to pornography, many saying they spent over 11 hours a week viewing cyber-sex. • It pervades the environment. • They want to sell it to us.

  6. Spiritual Warfare • “The miners and the sappers” • This is Satan’s strategy today. • It is much worse in the last 15 years. • It undermines Christian leaders, community members.

  7. A new challenge: internet porn • Porn is now freely available and can be done secretly. • It comes after you. • It grabs many people. • It grabs all ages — not just the young.

  8. Outline 1. The challenge today 2. Sexual desire 3. Male sexuality

  9. The principle • I will presuppose we are all committed to the same Christian moral teaching. • Good Christian sexual instruction is very helpful (FC2). • All sex is wrong (immoral, unrighteous) with anyone other than your wife. • This talk is for those who want to follow traditional Christian sexual morality.

  10. Matthew 5:27-28 • You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

  11. Desire • Sexual desire is natural; God-given, in fact. • Given to us for a good reason. • You can hope it will go away, but…

  12. Lust • Lust is sexual desire that is out of order. – Because it is out of control – Because it is desire for the wrong object • What I experience is not “just the way I am” — something else is behind many of our desires (the porn merchant, the evil spirit).

  13. Self-control and repression • When we control ourselves, we master our desires rather than let them master us. • We have a greater desire, the desire to follow the Lord, to live as sexual beings the best way. • Choosing to forego is not repressing our desires but choosing between desires.

  14. Dignity • Dignity is acting in a worthy way. • Lack of self-control is weakness. • Don’t behave like an animal (controlled by your desires). • The more sexual self-control we have, the more personal confidence we have.

  15. Outline 1. The challenge today 2. Sexual desire 3. Male sexuality

  16. When does sex begin? • Sex begins before penetration. • “Technically a virgin” — not a bad phrase • Foreplay is part of sex – it arouses us for sex. • A helpful test: what would you think if you found a man doing to your mother what you do with a girl. • For men, foreplay often is visual. • It starts us going.

  17. What is pornography? • It does not have to be explicit portrayal of the sex act in the nude. • The portrayal of sexual immorality, that is, sex that is immoral for you, is pornography (Christian definition).

  18. Can we help doing x? • The image of the boiler building up pressure that will burst if it does not release steam – Half true: you can release it and it will subside — for a short period. – False: it will handle itself – without bursting. • If not stimulated, it will usually quiet down. • “I’m hungry for sex” – but it does not work the same. – You do not need sexual release. • Sex is largely in the brain.

  19. Arousal • Arousal does not help control. It does not satisfy but creates desire. • Readiness for sexual response is quickest after sexual activity or input. • Indulgence does not reduce the problem. • Much of it also leaves a residue (the private cinema) and creates a disposition. • Don’t live in the swamp of low-level stimulation.

  20. The effect of porn • Straightforward: it arouses you. • Much of the effect is subliminal. • It de-sensitizes you, so you accept more and more bad stuff as OK. • It makes you lose your inhibitions. • Inhibition is a blessing. • It imprints itself on you and shapes the way you think sexual things should happen.

  21. Marriage the Cure-all • Regular sex helps • Marriage is not a cure-all • You need self-control in marriage. • The habit usually continues. • Work to get free now.

  22. Run for your life • Much of our response as males is semi-automatic. • The basic strategy is to avoid it. • The real key is to anticipate it and take steps.

  23. The Series — Next • Sexual (un)common sense • Strategy and Tactics for Change

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