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A Taxonomic Guide to the Pathology Kingdom

A Taxonomic Guide to the Pathology Kingdom. Kingdom Pathologia. Phylum Ratmedicina Phylum Populomedicina. Phylum Populomedicina . Class Academia Class Prostituta. Class Academia . Order Tenuria Order Atenuria. Order Tenuria. The variegated departmental chair ( Rex variabilis )

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A Taxonomic Guide to the Pathology Kingdom

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  1. A Taxonomic Guideto thePathology Kingdom

  2. KingdomPathologia • Phylum Ratmedicina • Phylum Populomedicina

  3. PhylumPopulomedicina • Class Academia • Class Prostituta

  4. Class Academia • Order Tenuria • Order Atenuria

  5. Order Tenuria The variegated departmental chair (Rex variabilis) • Chair hires and fires; not a democracy • Good chairs stick with their hirees • Chairpersons tend to move around the country

  6. Order Tenuria The promotions committee member (Cerberus cluelessicus) • Is responsible for your promotion • Knows nothing about what you do • Would not recognize you in the hallway

  7. Order Tenuria The emperor dean (Imperator omnipotens) • Hires and fires chairpersons, who serve at dean’s pleasure (no job security) • Probably will leave you alone unless you make the front page of the Metro section

  8. Order Tenuria Full professors, genus Professor, 2 species: • P. hydrambulans • P. akineticus

  9. Order Atenuria Genus Subprofessor, 3 species: • S. respectatus • S. manipulans • S. absentis Genus Protoprofessor, 2 species: • P. aureus • P. damnatus

  10. Academic CareerAdvantages • Work more self-designed than demand-driven • Be a part of new medical discoveries • Career ladder • Develop true expertise • Residents to extend productivity • Time off-service • Less tedium • Better benefits • Management decisions more fact-based

  11. Academic CareerDisadvantages • Fate in the hands of an ever-changing leadership • Move around to move up • Overspecialization risk • Less income than private practice (at upper levels) • Humiliating promotions/tenure procedure • Anatomic path a mature science; clin path research by more specialized PhDs

  12. Academic CareerKeys To Success • Thoroughly assess chair and senior faculty beforehand • Identify aims early and choose institution accordingly • First author of articles in peer-reviewed journals • Early involvement in national special interest groups • Get involved! • Do thankless jobs

  13. Academic CareerRisk Factors • Hired by acting chair or chair near retirement • Good teaching never goes unpunished • No time for research • Demographically homogeneous faculty • Decimated training program • Offending someone later important to you

  14. Class Prostituta The private practitioners and allied species 3 Orders: • Ipsinerdiales - pathologists • Allonerdiales - clinicians • Anerdiales - nonphysicians

  15. Order Ipsinerdiales The ruling pathologists - suborder Archopathologii • Genus Monarchopathologus, the sole proprietors, 4 species: • M. augustus • M. immortalis • M. avitae • M. akineticus

  16. Order Ipsinerdiales The ruling pathologists - suborder Archopathologii • Genus Communopathologus, the group owners, 3 species: • C. democraticus • C. sociopathicus • C. akineticus

  17. Order Ipsinerdiales The subordinate pathologists - suborder Asthenopathologii Genus Shlimazopathologus, the employed pathologists, 2 species: • Sh. servus - the permanent employee • Sh. oriens - the partnership-track associate

  18. Private Practice CareerAdvantages • More income at upper levels • Never need to have an original idea • No research requirement; teaching duties mostly informal • More comradeship with docs in other specialties • A more immediate view of the whole healthcare picture • Opportunities in other hospital departments

  19. Private Practice CareerDisadvantages • No insulation from liability claims • Few rungs on career ladder • Always on service • Deadening sameness broken only by exceedingly unpleasant surprises • Hospital can close or sell out • Poor self-marketability after 10 years post training • Management decisions may not be fact-based

  20. Private Practice CareerKeys to Success • Choose entry level job primarily for skill development • Closely evaluate personalities of boss(es) and employees at interview • Get along well with competitors • Always save money • Manage liability exposure • Don’t be scared of clinicians

  21. Private Practice CareerRisk Factors • Sell-out to practice management corp: sole proprietor up in years • Boss who seems to have no life outside of work • Boss who seems to have no life inside of work • Demographically homogeneous group • Hospital that seems to be struggling (no recent expansions, walking wounded med staff)

  22. “Of course, that’s just my opinion; I could be wrong.” — Dennis Miller

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