Where are we? West Wing - TC Lamble building Book appointments on 6773-2897

1. Residential Leader Training 2014Wright CentreCounselling ServiceStudent Support UNE6773 2897http://www.une.edu.au/current-students/support/student-support

6. Where are we?West Wing - TC LamblebuildingBook appointments on 6773-2897 Student Support

7. Overview • Counselling Service • Looking after your own mental health • Styles of interpersonal behaviour • Dealing with sensitive issues • Mental health concerns

8. 1. Counselling?!?! • Why have counselling available at universities? • Myths about counselling?

9. Counselling Service • What does a counselling session actually involve? • Who sees (should see?) a counsellor and why?

10. Mission or Aims • Encourage “appropriate” help-seeking – for students to be active rather than passive in their learning • Strength/skill-building model • Not do for the student what they can do for themselves • Referral within and outside UNE – eg UNE Medical Centre, Student Administration (Student Central), Psychology Clinic, Services UNE (UNE Life), Unit coordinator, Centrelink

11. Challenges students face • Developmental • Financial • Life balance • Academic

12. Academic business cycle • Homesickness, social/relationships, finances, accommodation, engagement and retention • Time/self-management, stress, self-doubt, avoidance/procrastination • Depression, anxiety, mental health concerns • Over-due work, exam anxiety, extensions of time, “special” exams, study skills • Alcohol and other drugs, sexual harassment /assault • Retention issues – risk of failing, “Show Cause”

13. 2. Looking After Your Own Mental Health - Overview • Identify the skills and attributes you bring to the role • Be clear about your role as a Peer Leader • Self-care when helping others • Know when and how to seek help for yourself

14. Your skills and attributes? • Approachability • Empathy • Listening Skills • Assertiveness • Understanding of Boundary Issues (e.g. dual roles / relationships) • Responsibility • Leadership • Problem Solving / Organisational Skills • Ethics • Patience • Balance • Non judgement (of the person vs. behaviour)

15. Peers as Leaders • Mentors • Model ethical behaviour • Ethical bystanders are individuals whose behaviours intervene in ways that impact on ‘the event’ and its outcome positively. They take some action, but they are mindful of caring for themselves, as well as the impact on the other person. Carmody, (2009); Sex & Ethics: the sexual ethics education program for young people, Macmillan, Melbourne

16. Peer Leadership cont’ What does an RF who is proactive and preventative look like? • Put strategies in place early in the year For example, with alcohol and other drugs your role is to: • promote harm minimisation • model safe partying – Student Alcohol Policy • be an ethical bystander • promote only safe and ethical sex • refer to/ consult with Student Support

17. Peer Leadership cont’ • What is “buying into a crisis”? • What does an RL buying into a crisis look like?

18. The TA Drama Triangle

19. The TA Winner’s Triangle

21. What does burn-out look like? • Any under or over-reacting? Inconsistency? Favoritism? • Peer pressure? • Being all things to all people? What does self-care look like? • Notice what is going on for you • Vicarious trauma? → Debrief • Identify when you are “buying into crisis” • Set and know your limits/boundaries and role limits • Have healthy outlets – seek balance • Know what hat you are wearing – avoid conflicts of interest – Friend or RF? • Consultation and referral!!!!!!

22. 3. Styles of Interpersonal BehaviourOverview • Assertiveness model • Responding vs Reacting – TA ego states model

23. Styles of Interpersonal Behaviour • Passive Style • People are behaving passively when they let others push them around, when they don’t stand up for themselves, and when the do what they are told regardless of how they feel about it. • The advantage of being passive is that you rarely experience direct rejection • The disadvantage is that you are taken advantage of and you store up a heavy burden of resentment and anger. Think of a passive Simpsons character.

24. Scenario Since Julia became a resident fellow she has noticed some disturbing things. First of all she noticed that Pham, a shy 18 year old from Vietnam, was being victimised. She heard students holding their noses when they walked past Pham whilst telling him that he should go back to Vietnam. Pham retaliates and puts a virus on the college computers. Pham is sorry that he did this and goes to Julia for help. How would a passive Julia respond? The students are furious that their computer and files have been corrupted by the virus. They therefore start to both verbally and physically abuse other Vietnamese students on campus. Julia is very concerned about this escalating situation. What would a passive Julia do?

25. Styles of Interpersonal Behaviour • Aggressive Style • Typical examples of aggressive behaviour are fighting, accusing, threatening and generally stepping on people without regard for their feelings. • The advantage of this kind of behaviour is that people do not push you around. • The disadvantage is that people do not want to be around you. Think of an aggressive Simpsons character.

26. Scenario Since Julia became a resident fellow she has noticed some disturbing things. First of all she noticed that Pham, a shy 18 year old from Vietnam, was being victimised. She heard students holding their noses when they walked past Pham whilst telling him that he should go back to Vietnam. Pham retaliates and puts a virus on the college computers. Pham is sorry that he did this and goes to Julia for help. How would an aggressive Julia respond? The students are furious that their computer and files have been corrupted by the virus. They therefore start to both verbally and physically abuse other Vietnamese students on campus. Julia is very concerned about this escalating situation. What would an aggressive Julia do?

27. Styles of Interpersonal Behaviour • Passive-Aggressive Style • Sometimes I satisfy your concerns at the expense of my own. • Sometimes I satisfy my concerns at the expense of yours. • Example: being the ‘martyr’; sulking, complaining, aggressive indecision, selective forgetting, blocking • Advantage: they avoid confronting the issue and then take ‘revenge’ or ‘punish’ the other. • Disadvantage: they store up a heavy burden of resentment and anger. Think of a passive-aggressive Simpsons character.

28. Scenario Since Julia became a resident fellow she has noticed some disturbing things. First of all she noticed that Pham, a shy 18 year old from Vietnam, was being victimised. She heard students holding their noses when they walked past Pham whilst telling him that he should go back to Vietnam. Pham retaliates and puts a virus on the college computers. Pham is sorry that he did this and goes to Julia for help. How would a passive-aggressive Julia respond? The students are furious that their computer and files have been corrupted by the virus. They therefore start to both verbally and physically abuse other Vietnamese students on campus. Julia is very concerned about this escalating situation. What would a passive-aggressive Julia do?

29. Styles of Interpersonal Behaviour • Assertive Style • People are behaving assertively when they stand up for themselves, express their true feelings and do not let others take advantage of them. At the same time they are considerate of others feelings. Meekness and withdrawal, attack and blame are no longer needed with the mastery of assertive behaviour. • The advantage of being assertive is that you can get what you want, usually without making others angry. If you are assertive, you can act in your own best interest, and not feel guilty or wrong about it. Think of an assertive Simpsons Character.

30. Elements of Responsible Assertion • Respect for others and self • Respectful communication is a key concept of assertive behaviour. Treating others with respect is different to defence. When we respect someone we honour their basic human rights without accepting what they think and do unquestioningly. • Some people equate respect with agreement, and disrespect with lack of agreement. However, it is possible to show respect for someone at the same time as you express a different opinion or idea. • Responsible assertive behaviour often involves balancing respect for others with self respect i.e valuing your own thoughts, ideas, beliefs etc. as well as valuing others. • An example of this behaviour is asking for help if you need it, instead of assuming other people’s needs are more important than your own. At the same time, you can respect the other person’s right to refuse your request.

31. Elements of Responsible Assertion • Directness • Assertive behaviour communicates feelings, beliefs and needs directly and clearly while non-assertion and aggression are indirect forms of communication.

32. Elements of Responsible Assertion • Honesty • Assertive behaviour means expressing yourself in ways that accurately represent your feelings, opinions, preferences without putting down yourself or others in the process. Assertive honesty is always balanced by appropriateness.

33. Non-Assertive communication • Hinting • One of the best examples of indirectness is hinting e.g. yawning when friends stay longer than you want them to. • Expecting others to mind-read merely makes us frustrated and others confused.

34. Non-Assertive communication • Aggressive indecision • Many people think that aggressive messages are direct because the other person ‘gets the message’; however the message the receiver usually gets is that he is stupid or not OK in some other way. The receiver may then get stuck on this message and never work out what the aggressor wants.

35. Appropriateness When a statement is inappropriate in its content, it may appear aggressive or simply lower the effectiveness of the communication. • Location • Timing • Firmness • Our relationship with the other person • Using assertive ‘I want’ or ‘I feel’ statements too frequently can give the impression that you are only interested in what you want and that you are insensitive to others. Going overboard with any type of assertive communication may alienate others, so it is important to use these types of statements with discrimination.

36. WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE NON-ASSERTIVE? • Mistaken Traditional Assumptions • It is selfish to put your needs before others’ needs. • You should always try to accommodate others. If you don’t they won’t be there when you need them. • It’s always good policy to stay on people’s good side. • Things could get even worse, don’t rock the boat.

37. Your Legitimate Rights • I have a right to have and state own opinions and convictions in a respectful way. • I have a right to question unfair treatment or criticism. • I have a right to say “no” to requests if they are unreasonable or compromise my own needs and priorities. • I have a right to choose not to respond to a situation or to ask for time to consider.

38. Tips for Assertive Communication • Maintain eye contact – but not a fixed stare. • Watch your body posture – face the person, turn your body towards them, sit or stand up straight. • Make your facial expression match what you are saying. • Speak in a calm voice at medium volume. • Stay centered and remember the centering breath. • Think assertively. Be positive with yourself. • Show respect for the other person.

39. Be specific – focus on the person’s behaviour or on what you need them to do. • Be clear about your goals • Be honest in the expression of your thoughts and feelings. • Ask for time to think if necessary. • Make your message clear. Don’t confuse it by adding unnecessary ‘padding’ or apologies. • Use “I” statements . For example “I’m angry about what you said” rather than “you’re no good.”

40. Choose an appropriate time to communicate with the other person. If you are ready this may be when the situation occurs, but take time to go away and think if you need to. In some cases it may be appropriate to wait until the other person is alone. • Listen to the other person’s point of view and let them know you have heard. Reflect their thoughts, feelings, assumptions. Seek clarity. • Be prepared to compromise so that both parties can be accommodated. • Escalate your assertion when having to persist. Don’t start off in an escalated way. Repeat vs justifying

41. Scenario Since Julia became a resident fellow she has noticed some disturbing things. First of all she noticed that Pham, a shy 18 year old from Vietnam, was being victimised. She heard students holding their noses when they walked past Pham whilst telling him that he should go back to Vietnam. Pham retaliates and puts a virus on the college computers. Pham is sorry that he did this and goes to Julia for help. How would an assertive Julia respond? The students are furious that their computer and files have been corrupted by the virus. They therefore start to both verbally and physically abuse other Vietnamese students on campus. Julia is very concerned about this escalating situation. What would an assertive Julia do?

42. Responding or reacting? Ego State Behaviours How we think, feel and behave towards other people AND towards ourselves. NURTURING PARENT Caring, supportive, loving, gives permission to succeed. Affirms strengths. AFFIRMS HUMAN/SELF WORTH MARSHMALLOW PARENT Over protects, smothers, lets others or self off the hook. NEGATES HUMAN/SELF WORTH BY NOT ENCOURAGING CAPABILITY ADAPTED CHILD 1. Rebellious: Defensive, rebellious against Parental messages. Obstinate and self destructive. 2. Conforming: Pleases others and not self. Often feels scared, helpless and defeated. Unaware of own needs and won’t get them met. STRUCTURING PARENT Gives rules and firm guidelines. Tells what to do and how to do something well and successfully. AFIRMS HUMAN/SELF WORTH CRITICAL PARENT Ridicules, tears down, harsh rules, “You should”, “You ought”, “You never” NEGATES HUMAN /SELF WORTH ADULT The problem solving part of you that takes information from the outside world plus internal thoughts and feelings and works things out without interference from the Parent and Child FREE CHILD Spontaneous, fun loving, affectionate, creative, curious. Feels and expresses a range of emotions appropriate to here and now situations. + PARENT + PARENT - PARENT - PARENT ADULT ADULT CHILD CHILD

43. Scenario Karlee is a fresher on your block who is very outgoing and is partying more often than not in those first few weeks of term 1. She has started to miss some classes due to sleeping in – usually due to recovering from a night of drinking. Some nights Karlee’s friends manage to get her to bed with no major dramas, but on other nights Karlee is being very loud, is crying and tripping over herself, or is being argumentative. Karlee’s friends are often asking for your assistance, saying they’ve had enough. Karlee has also found you to be very approachable, such that when she stumbles into the college late in the evening, she is knocking on your door, being flirtatious, and/or falling onto your floor clearly intoxicated.

44. 4.Dealing With Sensitive/Difficult Issues What will be or are the “sensitive” issues? • Personal hygiene • Alcohol and other drugs • Poor interpersonal skills • Sexual harassment • Sexist, racist, homophobic behaviour • Reckless/risky behaviour • Abusive behaviour – in or out of relationships • Online behaviour • At risk of failing– poor attendance, late work, disruptive • Dress sense? • “Whingers”? “Complainers”? “Agitators”? • Risk of harm to self or other(s)

45. Continuum of issues • No statement of needs → Sense of entitlement • Alienate self → Are alienated (or are alienating!) • No help-seeking → Involvement of too many people

47. Useful Questions?? • How are you? • How are you finding college so far? • What’s been the hardest thing for you? • Has this ever happened before? • Would you agree with that? • What helps you to cope with this? • How did you cope with it before? • Can you think of anything that might help you manage this? • What can we do to help you fix this?

48. Scenario George is a new student at college. He is popular and has already built up a large network of friends within the college. George has placed a number of sexually provocative pictures of women on his wall and door. He also plays porn movies on his computer as a joke and has this running when other residents drop in to see him. He and his friends have now taken to mimicking some of the voices and dialogue from the movies in the dining room and at parties. As a joke, George has also cut up photographs and stuck the heads of female residents on the bodies of the provocative pictures. Some students have reported that the pictures make them uncomfortable. You also become aware that some students don’t share the same level of amusement that George and his friends do about the movies.

49. 5. Mental Health ProblemsOverview • How to detect and help with some common mental health issues • When and how to refer people to counselling • When confidentiality counts and when it must be broken – duty of care?

50. State of Student Mental Health? Recognition that symptoms of depression and anxiety (& other mental health issues) are genuine concerns for students • Of 1 in 5 Aust. with mental health disorder, 26% are 16-24 • Stallman (2008) found % of uni students reporting high or very high levels of distress was twice that of general population (26.6% vs 12.6%) with ? • Stallman and Shochet (2009) noted higher levels of distress in 2nd semester and more lost or “disability” days • This study also found more students reported very high levels of distress than the general population (8.9% vs 2.2%) • Stallman, H. M. (2008). Prevalence of mental health problems in a university health service sample. Australian Family Physician, 37, 673–677. • Stallman, Helen Margaret and Shochet, Ian (2009) 'Prevalence of mental health problems in Australian university health services', Australian Psychologist, 44: 2, 122 — 127