Staying In Control

1. Staying In Control Anger Management Training

2. Introduction • Most of the time we’re in control but occasionally we turn into MAD MAX. With practice we are able to learn to stay in control of our temper all the time. However, learning this skill takes lots of work and practice. This slide show will teach you how to control yourself and avoid being MAD MAX. You’ll learn to recognise situations where you might lose your temper. You’ll think of better solutions to your problems and select from a range of ideas, better ways to control yourself.

3. Teamwork • We all run into problems sometimes controlling our temper. It’s easier if we work as a team. Think of yourself as a player, and me as a coach. Think of each week as a sports game. We will try out new ideas each week. With the coach we’ll review successes and failures weekly, and practice new skills for the following week. After a term you will emerge a winner.

4. Getting to Know You • What is one thing you really like about yourself. • What do you enjoy doing the most for fun? • What other interests do you have? • What do you like the most about school? • What don’t you like about school? • If you could have a wish come true during the night, how would things be different for you the next day?

5. Game Rules • We call this game ‘Anger Management.’ Rules • –We both attend at a set time weekly. • -You will try 100% to practice new skills each week. • -You’ll be willing to report back how each week has gone. • The goal is to win the “Anger Management’ game.

6. Setting Goals • Things I wish to change about me are…? • Things that might get in the road and stop me from achieving my goal are…? • Ways that I can get around these roadblocks are…?

7. Anger • We all experience anger. This emotion is not bad, it gives us energy and makes us try harder. It is only when we feel it too often, too intensely or for too long a time that anger is troublesome. It may make us act without thinking or do something aggressive that hurts someone else. Then, because of anger, we get ourselves into trouble.

8. Ways Anger Helps Me • Anger can help me in these ways. • 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6

9. Ways Anger Has Caused Problems • Anger has caused me problems in these ways… • 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5

10. Describe times when you were angry but were not aggressive? • 1 • 2 • 3 • 4

11. Max’s Game 1 • Max loved to play Aussie rules footy. He was one of the best players on the school team. Sometimes, when he thought he had been fouled, he lost his temper and became MAD MAX. When he thought the referee had made a poor decision, he would turn red, begin to pant, and think ‘It’s unfair. I’ll kill that ref!’ Then he would become MAD MAX. He ran over and kicked and pushed another player. He was seen by the ref and ejected from the game. This made him even madder. His team lost, 3 to 2 probably because Max wasn’t playing. Max was furious. He went home and hit his little sister who wanted to play with him.

12. Max’s Game 2 • He swore at his mum when she told him to calm down. He went to his room and stayed there all evening, missing his evening meal. • The next day, at school, he shouted at his team mates when they tried to discuss the game. • Finally, he swore at a teacher who asked him to take off his hat in class. For this, he got a one day suspension.

13. Frequency How many times did Max get angry? Intensity –How intense was Max’s anger each time. Rate as a percentage from 0 to 100% Impulsivity When was Max impulsive? Consequences What was the outcome of each of Max’s actions? Max’s Game 3 Questions

14. Consequences of My Anger What have been the consequences of you losing your temper? • FREQUENCY Situations where you lost your temper too many times? • INTENSITY Situations when your anger was too strong for you. • IMPULSIVITY Situations where you acted without thinking. • DURATION Situations where your anger lasted too long. • CONSEQUENCES Situations where you experienced unpleasant consequences from losing your temper.

15. Who Own’s The Problem? • In managing anger, find out who owns the problem. • Your friend has a fight with mum, then comes to school and is rude to you. • A student swears at you and pushes you to impress his friends. • Your mum had a hard day at work and shouts at you. • Your girl friend refuses to go to a movie with you because she has an assignment due tomorrow. • Your younger sister is tired and begins crying. • Your teacher phones your parents because you failed to complete class work and you are grounded.

16. What to Do? • If the other person owns the problem, what should you do to help them? • If you own the problem, what should you do to get your needs met? • Why should you not get angry, if your friend owns the problem?

17. Understanding Feelings • List some of the common feelings that you experience? • How can you tell when other kids are experiencing each of these emotions? • Your personality is made up of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours or things you say or do.

18. SELF TALK • WE TALK TO OURSELVES, WHEN THINGS HAPPEN • THESE THOUGHTS ARE IN OUR HEADS, NOT SAID ALOUD • WE ALL DO IT, IT’S NORMAL • SELF TALK COMES FROM OUR BELIEFS ABOUT WHY THINGS HAPPEN • IT’S OFTEN AUTOMATIC

19. EXAMPLE OF SELF-TALK • MAX GOT A BAD HAIRCUT He thinks “what a bad haircut. He scalped me. I can’t go to school like this. Everyone will laugh. It’ll take months to grow, I feel so embarrassed.” • What does Max think? How does he feel? What will he say or do when he goes to school?

20. EXAMPLE OF SELF-TALK 2 • SUSAN SITS BY HERSELF THINKING “I can’t believe Julie didn’t pick me to be on her team. I always pick her. She picked Tammy. I think she doesn’t like me anymore.” • What does Susan think? How does he feel? What will she say or do when she sees Julie next?

21. GIVE EXAMPLES OF SELF-TALK • GREG DIDN’T GET INVITED TO JOHN’S PARTY. • He thinks… • He feels… • What will he say or do when he sees John next? • What are the consequences of this? • What will be Greg’s thoughts (self-talk)?

22. GIVE EXAMPLES OF SELF-TALK1 • GREG DIDN’T GET INVITED TO JOHN’S PARTY. • He thinks… • He feels… • What will he say or do when he sees John next? • What are the consequences of this? • What will be Greg’s thoughts (self-talk)?

23. Examples of Self-Talk 2 • Max loses his library book. • He thinks… • He feels… • What will he say or do? • What are the consequences of this? • What will be Max’s’s thoughts (self-talk)?

24. Examples of Self-Talk 3 • Susan thinks another girl has been saying bad things about her to boys in her classes. • She thinks… • She feels… • What will she say or do? • What will happen then? • What will she think/feel then?

25. WHICH THOUGHTS CAUSE THESE FEELINGS? • YOU GET INTO A FIGHT WITH A FRIEND • NOW I DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS • MY FRIEND WAS MEAN TO ME ON PURPOSE • WE’LL MAKE UP AND BE FRIENDS SOON • FEELINGS: MAD, OKAY, SAD

26. YOU GET A LOW MARK IN A SCHOOL TEST • I’M IN TROUBLE WHEN I GET HOME • I’VE GOOFED OFF INSTEAD OF WORKING • I CAN WORK HARDER AND DO BETTER NEXT TIME • OKAY SCARED GUILTY

27. ABC Cartoon 1

28. ABC CARTOON 2

29. ABC Cartoon 3

30. ABC Cartoon 4

31. ABC Cartoon 5

32. Distinguishing Situations, Moods, and Thoughts • Thought, Feeling, or Situation • 1. Nervous. 2. At home. 3. I'm not going to be able to do this. 5. Talking to a friend on the phone. 6. Irritated. 7. Driving in my car. 8. I'm always going to feel this way. 9. At work. 10. I'm going crazy. 11. Angry. 12. I'm no good. 13. 4:00 P.M. 14. Something terrible is going to happen. 15. Nothing ever goes right. 16. Discouraged 17. I'll never get over this. 18. Sitting in a restaurant. 19. I'm out-of-control. 20. I'm a failure. 21. Talking on the phone to my mom.

33. Thoughts Feelings Consequences

34. Negative Tracks

35. Causes of Anger

36. ABC Cartoon

37. ABC • OUR FEELINGS ARE DETERMINED BY WHAT WE SAY TO OURSELVES • THOUGHTS or BELIEFS CAUSE OUR ANGER OR SADNESS • WE CONTROL THE THOUGHTS WE THINK • ABC STANDS FOR ADVERSITY, BELIEFS, CONSEQUENCES

38. ABC Enhanced • Adversity, or a problem may trigger you off (A) almost like pulling a gun trigger. This affects you like powder exploding in a shell. • what you think (thoughts) • Your feelings, • What you say or do (behavior) • After you act, others react to you (consequences). • This, in turn, affects your thoughts, and feelings.

39. Identify Triggers, Thoughts, Feelings, Behaviours, Consequences 1. • You are giving a presentation in a school assembly. • You think ‘I’m going to look stupid.’ • Your stomach feels like lead. • You deliver your words smoothly. • Everyone thinks your presentation is good. • You think, “I’m good at this.’ • You’re proud.

40. Identify Triggers, Thoughts, Feelings, Behaviours, Consequences 2. • You are late for school. • “Mum will wake me up for school” • You are kept in for being late. • You are anxious about signing in late. • You sleep in. • You think, ‘I can’t stand it.’ • You skip the detention and go home. • You rush to school without breakfast.

41. Review ABC / Complete during the week. • Give two triggers that have or might upset you. • Describe your thoughts for each trigger. • Describe your feelings for each trigger. • What do you say or do for each trigger? • What are the consequences for your actions? • What thoughts and feelings occur after the consequence? • Next: Thoughts / situations that make you angry

42. Why Do I Get Angry? • What does ABC stand for? • Which is easiest to change? • Think about when you were last angry. How did you know you were angry? • What did you think? • What did you say or do? • What were the consequences? • Max came home from school and found his Play Station had been broken by his brother. (Trigger) • Describe your self-talk, feelings, behaviour, consequences and new thoughts and feelings.

43. Perspective • Our perspective determines how we see the world. It comes from our beliefs, our parents and how we were raised. • How do you feel if you support / oppose the Dockers and they win. Why might the Dockers be happy even if they lose? • What would you do if you believed an eye operation might improve your sight but knew they could cause blindness 10% of the time.

44. Perspective 1 • Whether we are angry or calm about an adversity depends on our thoughts. • If you believed other kids hated you and wanted to hurt you, how would you behave if you were pushed from behind. • If you believed everyone liked you and no-one would touch you, how would you behave if you were pushed from behind.

45. Perspective • The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus. Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

46. Honk • What was the perspective of the driver? How did he feel? • What was the perspective of the other drivers? How did they feel? • Would the other drivers feel differently if they shared or understood the perspective of the first driver? Why?

47. Perspectives 2 • Think of a situation where other people assume something will happen. Explain how this gets them in trouble. EG John assumes his teacher dislikes him. He… Susan thinks her walkman was stolen. She… Greg was not invited to John’s party. He… • Now change the person’s perspective, so that trouble does not occur.

48. Perspectives Homework • Think of a time when someone got angry with you. • Why do you think they were angry at you? • If you get angry over any issue, tell the situation using ABC. • Trigger, • Thoughts, • Feelings, • Behaviours, • Consequences, • New thoughts/feelings.

49. Anger Causing Situations/People • List three adversities that cause you to become angry. • Name three people on your permanent ‘hate’ list. • List three people on your temporary ‘hate’ list. You are disliking them today. • Now rate your anger for each situation from 0 to 100%. Outline your thoughts backing your feelings.

50. Who’s In Control? • Are you a puppet? Must you react to everything said or done to you? If you do, they control you. • By changing your self-talk, you become the puppeteer, manipulating the strings. You become in charge of what will happen. • Learn the ‘self-talk’ offensive to take control.