Golden Principles of Raising Children

1. Golden Principles of Raising Children By Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad Al-Ghazali From his 3 volume collection of short books: “Majmu’ah Rasail Imam Ghazali”

2. Childrens Initial Education • Allah says: “O ye who believe! save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.” (66:6) Surah Tahrim

3. Childrens Initial Education • “The child is Allah’s trust in the parent’s hands” • “A Childs heart is like a nice, clean, simple mirror, it is void of defects and can be inclined towards anything you like.” • Teach the child manners and good morale • Protect him/her from bad friends • Do not let them desire physical beautification, fine dresses, ornamentation, physical ease, The child will grow up desiring those lowly things

4. Necessity and Importance of Halal food • Nursing – The women should eat of halal. If not, then that evil will be permeated through every fiber (consciousness/psychology/inner being) of the baby’s body, and the child will be inclined towards evil.

5. Initial stages of discernment • Nurturing the child should begin when the ability for the child to distinguish between good and bad is prevalent • Indicated by signs of shyness – realize his/her honor, starts to leave doing certain acts out of shyness. • This is the result of light of intelligence emerging from him/her • This is a gift from Allah

6. Etiquettes of Eating • First bad desire – Greed to eat more, extremely necessary to teach etiquettes of eating • Eat with right hand, Bismillah, Eat from front of the plate • Wait for others to begin, don’t stare at the food, don’t stare at those who are eating, chew properly, not to constantly put morsels in mouth

7. Etiquettes of Eating • Sometimes – feed child only bread, so he/she doesn’t feel that curry is necessary with the bread • Excessive eating is like animals • Teach child to sacrifice their food for the sake of others, for their friends who are in need • Basically teach them to be content with simple food.

8. Etiquettes of Dressing • Love and desire for simple clothes should be developed in the child • Try to keep child away from his friends who dress extravagantly, and tell stories of indulgence in material things. • Continue here

9. Epidemic of Poetry • Protect the child from romantic poetry and writings – such things sow the seeds of corruption and evil in the minds of children • Relate this to television? Since poetry was a form of entertainment back then.

10. Method of Persuading towards Good and Stopping from Evil • When good – should be praised by the father, or given a gift, or praised in front of others • If does something opposite after this praise, parent should show unawareness and should not dishonor or humiliate the child • Revealing these mistakes will lead the child to become more daring gradually to commit more of them, and not even care.

11. Method of Persuading towards Good and Stopping from Evil • If the same bad action is done again – its ok to rebuke him/her in private. • Should be told something like : “Beware! Don’t ever do this bad thing again, God forbid if someone found out about it, you’ll get humiliated

12. Harms of Excessive Scolding • If rebuked excessively, it creates a habit in the child to listening to scolding, and increases his/her courage to do those wrongs • Should have awe from father

13. Etiquettes of Sleeping • Child should not sleep during the day- laziness • Stop from sleeping in soft bed, or else will get use to the comforts • Wudu before sleeping, dua. • Child should keep active physically so not to fall lazy

14. Prohibition of Arrogance and Pride • Should be prohibited from showing pride on anything, food, clothing, parents, school supplies. • The habit of dealing with his/her companions with respect, honor, and humbleness should be inculcated. • Should be made to fear the love of wealth – its worse than poison

15. Etiquettes of Gatherings • Taught the proper manner of sitting • Should not talk to much • Do not start the conversation first, only talk to answer a question • When someone is speaking, they should listen attentively • “And the real secret of proper training of children is embedded in protecting the children from bad companions”

16. Patience and Forbearance • When his/her teacher punishes him/her, should exercise forbearance and not scream back • “To Exercise patience is the way of the brave ones and to scream, shout, and cry are the works of those who lack dignity”

17. Importance of Physical Exercises • After studies, child should be permitted to play sports • Gets rid of tiredness from school • Should not be allowed to play too much that he/she gets tired from it.

18. Importance of Physical Exercises • Pressure of just studying -> dead heart -> make intelligence useless -> makes life miserable • So the child looks for excuses to get rid of studies

19. Etiquettes of Respecting the Elders Impermanence of the world • Impress upon the child that the world is not the purpose of our lives. Death is inevitable, and will end this material life. • Volume 2, Book 23, Number 467: Narrated Abu Huraira: • The Prophet said, "Every child is born with a true faith of Islam (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) and his parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity or Magianism, as an animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you find it mutilated?"