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Listening and Questioning in a Pastoral Setting

Listening and Questioning in a Pastoral Setting. Mary T. O’Neill, BCC, D.Min. Vice President for Spiritual Care and Pastoral Education Catholic Health Services of Long Island, N.Y. Objectives:.

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Listening and Questioning in a Pastoral Setting

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  1. Listening and Questioning in a Pastoral Setting Mary T. O’Neill, BCC, D.Min. Vice President for Spiritual Care and Pastoral Education Catholic Health Services of Long Island, N.Y.

  2. Objectives: • 1. To look at communication strategies with patients and ways to listen actively and helpfully to them. • 2. To underline the importance of both thoughts and feelings in good listening. • 3. To know how to listen and question in caring for the inner feelings and pain of the patient.

  3. Helpful communication • Requires learning new skills • And • Unlearning habitual and unhelpful ways of interacting.

  4. Emotions run high in times of illness • Feelings of vulnerability and fear are inevitable

  5. Communicating in ways that help the person feel heard, understood and respected contributes to the healing process

  6. Dr. Eric Cassell, in Talking with Patients, • Without effective communication we are unable to acquire objective and subjective information that help us move towards an appropriate assessment and care plan.

  7. “I love the way you listen intently to what I say, and wait until I’m finished before you respond.” As opposed to, • “I wish you’d hear me out instead of mentally practicing a quick response.”

  8. Unhelpful responses • Indifference Offering reassurance • Offering judgmental responses • Judging another’s behavior • Defensiveness

  9. Active Listening • Helps the person feel heard. • Hears spoken and non-spoken

  10. Active Listening: 3 Processes • Restatement of words of sender • Reflection of words and underlying feelings • Clarification summarizes and focuses the sender’s message.

  11. Communication is helpful when • We resist the need to impulsively respond, • Or to offer quick advice • Or a quick solution to a problem.

  12. Communication is helpful when • We try to clarify the problem, • And assist the person with the problem to solve it for himself or herself.

  13. Empathy • To feel the pain of another AS IF It were our own.

  14. Questions • 1. Curiosity questions are not helpful • 2. Use open-ended questions. • 3. Avoid leading questions. • 4. Use questions that encourage patient to speak more. • 5. Avoid question after question

  15. 6. Avoid questions that sound too clinical or sterile. • 7. There are some good questions.

  16. 8. Allow patients time to process feelings and to respond to the questions. • 9. Avoid WHY questions • 10. Use specific questions to clarify what the patient wants to say. • Ask questions to further elaborate what patient needs to say.

  17. RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO ANSWER THE PATIENT’S “WHY” QUESTIONS. You may have your answer to the questions, but not the patient’s. Explore their questions with them. Help them live with and voice their question until they find their answer in their own heart’s core..

  18. May you have respect for your individuality and difference. May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique, That you have a special destiny here, That behind the façade of your life There is something beautiful and eternal happening. May you learn to see your self With the same delight, Pride and expectation With which God sees you in every moment. Benedictus, by John O Donohue

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