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Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a method for conflict resolution and social change

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a method for conflict resolution and social change. International Fellowship of Reconciliation. German branch. Project experience: Constructive Conflict managment in Communes and Boroughs (CCC) 2001 - 2005.

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Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a method for conflict resolution and social change

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  1. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a method for conflict resolutionand social change International Fellowship of Reconciliation German branch

  2. Project experience: Constructive Conflict managment in Communes and Boroughs(CCC)2001 - 2005 supported by the Ministry of Integration and Family

  3. Nonviolent Communiation Words can be walls – or windows „What I want in life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on mutual giving from the heart. And on this ground acting for peace and social change“ Marshall Rosenberg

  4. NVC is ... • a language of compassion • a tool for social change and peace work • a way to connect with oneself and others • transforming conflicts • acting out of authonomy and free will • understanding on level of needs and feelings

  5. Wolf and Giraffe Words can be walls or windows

  6. Evaluation, Interpretation Devaluation Position Order Conflict = Danger War-tradition Feeling=sign of failing Win-loose – strategy Judge, Guilt, blame Analysis World of boundries Observation Appreciation Needs, Interestes Request, Free will Conflict = Chance Tradition of comprehension Feeling=signpost for understanding Win-Win – strategy, synergy Mediation Compassionate listening World of rich variety Communication Disconnecting Connecting

  7. Diconnecting Communication Impact on personal and interpersonal development Regarding oneself (self worth) and otheres: • Punish, demand, compare, analyze, criticize, praise, blame, evaluate • Reactivity, Defensiveness, Dependence, Fixation on outcome

  8. Connecting Communication Impact on personal and interpersonal development Regarding oneself (inherent self worth) and others: • Request, connect, understand, compassion, needs, feelings, protect, appreciate, listen • Concious responses, Autonomy, Focus on connection, Interdependence

  9. The four components of NVC • Observation • Feelings • Needs • Request Distinguishing them from judegments, interpretations and demands Fostering of understanding, connection and authonomy

  10. 1. Observation: Description of what is seen/heard. 2. Feelings: Our inner experience rather than reaction to what other people are doing. 3. Needs: The cause of our feelings. That what we need (universal). 4. Request: Doable, immediate and positive action. • Empathy: Listening to what is going on in me and the other person.

  11. Feelings we have when needs are not met: Afraid, concerned, nervous, over-whelmed, shocked frustrated, irritated bored, depressed, exhausted, hurt hopeless, sad, tired Feelings we have when needs are met: Amazed, alive, calm confident, encouraged, glad, grateful hopeful, loving, peaceful, relaxed touched, stimulated joyful, eager Feelings show weather needs are met or not met

  12. Needs • Subsistence Food / Rest / Shelter / Clear Air and Water / Intimity • Freedom Autonomy / Choice / To speak one`s mind • Celebrating / mourning Creativity / learning / inspiration • Security Openness / Order / Safety / Honesty / Trust • Participation Belonging / Community / Harmony / Recognition / Support / Respect / To enrich life / Learning • Understanding Consideration / Empathy / Peace of mind / Love / Peace / Beauty / Meaning

  13. Four Steps (expression) Observation • When I see/hear ... Feeling • I feel ... Need • Because I need ... Request • Would you be willing ...?

  14. Four Steps (empathy) Observation • When I you see/hear ... Feeling • Do you feel ...? Need • Because you need ... ? Request • Would you like ...?

  15. „The class is out of control. The teaching seems to be a mass...“ Observation: When I see, how unhappy my daughter is, when she comes home and tells what has happened at school... Feeling: I´m feeling alarmed and concerned... Need: ...because I need clarity about what`s going on for my daughter. I need to know that she is safe and supported. Request: Would you be willing to share with me what you see happening and the steps you`re taking to foster harmony among the children?

  16. Intercultural dialogue Administration NGO`s Local authority University Team, Networks School, Kinder garden Neighbourhood, Family Company Government, Politics Fields of applicating NVC

  17. Example: SCHOOL PROJECT Preperation and planing School conference Teacher training Parents training Project week Evaluation Request Need Feeling Supervision and Ongoing practice

  18. Exercise • Think of a non-NVC reaction/response you made: __________________________ Now transform into NVC: • What was your observation?____ • How did you feel?_____________ • What did you need?___________ • What could be a request?______

  19. Optionen im Konflikt Quelle: Schule für Mediation und Verständigung, Steyerberg

  20. Gefühle bei unerfüllten Bedürfnissen • angespannt, ängstlich, aggressiv, aufgeregt, bedrückt, beschämt, besorgt, • betroffen, deprimiert, einsam, elend, entsetzt, erschöpft, erschrocken, • frustriert, gehemmt, geladen, gelangweilt, gleichgültig, hilflos, müde, • nervös, sauer, skeptisch, traurig, ungeduldig, unzufrieden, unter Druck, • verspannt, verschlossen,wütend, verzweifelt, zornig

  21. Gefühle bei erfüllten Bedürfnissen • angeregt, ausgeglichen, beflügelt, befreit, begeistert, berührt, dankbar, energetisch, • engagiert, entschlossen, entspannt, erfüllt, ermutigt, frei, froh, geborgen, • gelassen, heiter, interessiert, kraftvoll, lebendig, liebevoll, offen, selbstsicher, • still, unternehmungslustig, verliebt, wachsam, zufrieden, zärtlich, • zuversichtlich

  22. Der Wolf • Meine Lieblingsbeschäftigung ist, mich ärgern • Wenn ich angegriffen werde, muß ich zurückbeißen • Ich mache oft Schuldzuweisungen • Ich stelle Forderungen statt Bittend • Ich denke „Mit Dir ist etwas nicht in Ordnung“ • Ich sehe besonders, was jemand nicht kann • Man kann anderen nicht trauen

  23. Die Giraffe • Ich habe das größte Herz aller Landtiere • Ich stehe für Austausch und Klarheit • Ich sage, was ich brauche • Ich kann Gefühle und Bedürfnisse anderer rausfinden • Ich bin fähig, um Hilfe zu bitten • Weil ich mich selbst wertschätze, kann ich auch andere wertschätzen • Mein Blick richtig sich auf Möglichkeiten, statt auf Defizite

  24. Giraffen-Detektiv werden • Was hat die Person gesagt oder getan? • Worauf hat die Person reagiert? • Was hat die Person gedacht? • Was hat die Person gefühlt? • Was hat die Person gewollt oder gebraucht?

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