Our names are Alleen and Don Nilsen. Our presentation is sponsored by the Arizona Humanities Council.

1. Our names are Alleen and Don Nilsen.Our presentation is sponsored by the Arizona Humanities Council. The Home of A.H.C is: Ellis Shackelford House 1917

2. What Folk Humor and Language have Taught the Nilsens about Growing Old 2

3. First, We Learned There Are Many Facets to What Really Is a Challenge, e.g. Growing old as a man is different from Growing old as a woman and Growing old in a primitive culture is different from Growing old in a capitalistic society 3

4. Alleen: Here is an Afghan proverb we heard when we were teaching for USAID between 1967 and 1969.“IF YOU SEE AN OLD MAN, SIT DOWN AND TAKE A LESSON. IF YOU SEE AN OLD WOMAN, THROW A STONE.” • I was horrified, but in my youthful naiveté, I dismissed it because as an American, I would never become “old” in the way of Afghan women—missing teeth, bent backs, walking sticks, and practically no health or grooming care. • Besides I vowed to get educated so that when I grew old I would still have something to contribute to my family and to society. 4

5. I thought about the Afghan phrase “Safid riche,” which is a term of respect for a “white beard,” i.e. someone able to give “grandfatherly advice.” Don: I was pleased at the male part of the proverb. 5

6. Alleen: I Came Home From Afghanistan a Confirmed Feminist • But when we returned to the University of Michigan, the “real” feminists in 1970s Ann Arbor frightened me so much that I decided to study sexism in the dictionary rather than in life. • I thought I could study language without having to get involved in social issues. • But one of my first dictionary discoveries was that the contrasting American terms of Grandfatherly advice and Old wives’talessend the same message as does the Afghan proverb. 6

7. After we moved to Arizona, Alleen began reading about the life of her paternal grand- mother, who lived her whole life in northern Arizona. She lived much the same life as did the Afghan women, e.g. Even in her wedding portrait she is not smiling because of a missing tooth. A Further Surprise 7

8. She …Gave birth to ten children. …In effect, was a single mother because her husband was out of town teaching school. …Never had running water or electricity. …Was a community leader, instrumental in founding the PTA in both Navajo and Apache Counties. …Made sure that four of her five daughters graduated from college and had successful teaching and family careers. Alleen: My father came to my 48th birthday party, and sadly observed that his mother died at age 48, “and she was an old woman.” 8

9. Don: It was a big surprise for Alleen to discover how closely language and social issues are connected. • Now that we both have lived with this idea for more than 40 years, we see linguistic evidence pointing to society’s differing attitudes toward growing old as a man and growing old as a woman. • Some of the revealed prejudices are against females of any age, but they are stronger when the target is old and so they are more obvious. 9

10. The main reason for negative feelings toward growing old, is our fear of death. Even popular books for young readers focus on the desire for an afterlife. Most religions promise an afterlife, a resurrection or re-incarnation. And think of all the stories we have about Heaven and Hell. And look at all the folk stories of the world that feature ghosts and communication with “the dead.”

11. Rick Riordan’s Percy and the Olympians books, are filled with mythical creatures all illustrating immortality. In the Harry Potter books, Lord Voldemort (whose name means something like “Running from Death”) is trying to gather up the seven parts of his soul planted as Horcruxes, in the hope that he can live forever. Alleen: I am depressed by the success of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight books where Bella repeatedly tortures herself—and readers—by obsessing on the awfulness of growing old while Edward (the vampire) will stay in his beautiful and perfect 17-year-old body. Don: The Twilight books depress me because Edward is so “perfect” that as a male I could never compete. 11

12. To Keep from Being Reminded of Death, We. . . • Illogically avoid calling someone old, and instead say they are older, elderly, or grandmotherly. • Refer to old people as seniorsor senior citizens, who are living their golden years—not in old folks’ homes, but in assistedlivingor retirement communities. • Give retirement communities such names as Sun City, Leisure World, Green Valley, Golden Hills and Friendship Village. • Instead of saying someone has died, we say the person has passed away, crossed over, or gone to join a loved one. 12

13. Although Alleen’s Father built his own coffin—and inlaid his cattle brands on the sides of it—we were still surprised to see a coffin at a yard sale.

14. We make jokes about growing old to console ourselves that we aren’t the only ones.

15. We like to, at least, try to keep up with our grandchildren.

16. Here are a couple of our favorite Morris Udall jokes about old age and death. • At a time of crisis during the Civil War, Abe Lincoln was awakened one night by an opportunist who reported that the head of customs had just died. • “Mr. President, would it be all right if I took his place?” • “Well,” said Lincoln, “If it’s all right with the undertaker, it’s all right with me. • Old politicians never forget. They are like the fellow bitten by a rabid dog. When the doctor entered his room and found the patient feverishly writing on a legal pad, he said he didn’t think there was a need for a will. • “Oh, this isn’t a will!” said the man. “It’s a list of the people I’m going to bite.”

17. Jokes based on Gen. Douglas MacArthur’s response to being fired by President Eisenhower: • Old soldiers never die, they just fade away. • Old teachers never die; they just lose their principles. • Old athletes never die; they just lose their supporters. • Old robbers never die; they just steal away. • Old editors never quit, they just write away. • Old blondes never fade; they just dye away. • Old deans never die; they just lose their faculties. 17

18. Attitudes toward aging are more negative when talking specifically about women. • Re: Women’s right to vote, Mark Twain said it was a moot point because women would never give their age. • When the legislature changed a law about drivers’ licenses, the Republic headline read, “No longer a felony for women to lie about their age.” • Years ago the media made a big deal about Gloria Steinem turning 40. She responded with “Yes, I’m forty and this is what 40 looks like….If all women would be honest about their ages, people wouldn’t be so surprised.” 18

19. Animal Metaphors Reveal Human Thinking • When comparing females to young animals, the allusions are positive, but when the same animals are old, the connotations are negative as in fillyvs. nag, and birdvs. old crow or old bat. • A young girl is called a chick, but later she goes to hen parties and cackleswith her friends. Once married, she feathers her nest, but soon feels cooped up and begins henpeckingher husband and turns into an old biddy. • An especially mean-spirited comparison of women to chickens appeared during the 2008 presidential campaign when pundits created an anti-Hillary Meal Deal mug: “Two fat thighs, two small breasts, and a bunch of left wings.” 19

20. Parents used to name little girls, Kitty, and encourage them to act kittenish. Older girls were more likely to become catty, and to engage in cat fights or live in cathouses. • Puss, an alternate name for cats (and vaginas), is cognate with pouchand purse. Its connection to sexuality was shown in one of the James Bond films about Pussy Galore and Her Flying Felines. • The most recent cat-related term to come into general use is the word cougarfor an older woman who goes “prowling for young men.” Whether cougar is a positive or a negative term differs depending on one’s point of view.

21. Males Aspire to Adulthood While Females Cling to Youth. • Boy Scout leaders address 12-year-olds as Men, while 50-year-old exercise instructors address their 50-year old participants as Girls. • Black male teenagers address each other as Man! while black teenage girls address each other as Girl! Women’s cosmetics are marketed under such names as Cover Girland Breck Girl. • Mother-daughter look-alikes are often featured in advertisements and illustrations. A mother is flattered to be mistaken for her daughter but a father does not want to be mistaken for his son. 21

22. THERE ARE FEWER NEGATIVE, ANIMAL METAPHORS REFERING TO OLD MEN Even the old-goat metaphor is more positive than negative, as it relates to ram metaphors. Consider the metaphors that could be used about a player on the Los Angeles Rams football team. He is so loved by LA fans, that they buy him a Dodge Ram truck, which he is careful not to use as a battering ram. He has inherited his grandfather’s Civil War ramrod muzzle and while he stands ramrodstraight on the football field, he tries not to ram his ideas down the throats of his friends. Nevertheless, he eventually turns into an old goat, otherwise known as a horny old man. 22

23. Changing Attitudes • We’ve recently been encouraged to see a few women proudly making associations between themselves and concepts related to being old. • In September of 2011, when Barbara Boxer was conducting a Senate inquiry into a military matter and kept being addressed as Ma’m,” she asked the speakers to address her as Senatorrather than as Ma’mbecause she “had worked very hard to become a senator.” Senatoris cognate with senior. • Sandra Day O’Connor in a recent interview said that she thinks that a decision made by “a wise old man or a wise old woman” will be the same, but still it’s nice for the public to know that women are being included in decision making.

24. How Healthy Is Our Present Emphasis on Body Image? • Certainly, we have made progress since the early 1900s when H. L. Mencken declared that “Woman’s body is the woman,” and when “respectable” women had to be laced into tight corsets and hobbled by long skirts and petticoats. • But today’s commercialization of beauty products and procedures makes us wonder if women—either young or old—are welcome in American society mainly because of how much money they will spend on non-basic items. • One of our doctoral students, Laura Walsh, just completed her dissertation in which she showed how the most popular teen magazines for girls, repeat the same body image as do the advertised products to help girls achieve this image. 24

25. In a capitalist society, concerns about body image are good for business. Doctors love cosmetic surgery because one procedure nearly always leads to another. • In the 110 years since the first face-lift was performed in Berlin, attitudes have changed dramatically. Acceptance of plastic surgery has soared so that 69% of Americans now have positive attitudes toward it. • At the 2011 Fab Over Fifty Beauty Bash in Manhattan, attendees could consult with “menopause makeover” specialists, and experts in “Great Breasts After 50,” “Lifts, Implants, and Reductions,” and “A Sexy Smile & Fresh Lips.” • Between 2009 and 2010, Americans spent considerably less on food, housing, clothes, and entertainment, but 8 % more on eyelid surgery and a whopping 24 % more on butt lifts.

26. BUT NOT EVERYONE IS PLEASED The Harvard Women’s Health Watch (Feb., 2012) newsletter made these points: • Half of Americans in their late 60s and early 70s say that they feel ten to twenty years younger than their actual age. • This is fine, except when we look in a mirror and discover that we do not LOOK ten or twenty years younger. • Between 1995 and 2005, the number of older women suffering from eating disorders (strict dieting, fasting, and purging) tripled—a bad sign for both emotional and physical health. 26

27. HOW MUCH DOES IT COST? Here is a sampling: • Breast Augmentation = $3,797 • Tummy Tuck = $5,332 • Butt Lift = $7,904 • Collagen Injection = $673 • Eyelid Surgery = $2,912 • Cosmetic surgery for seniors has increased 30% within the last 5 years and 1 out of 4 kids (11 to 16) has considered it.

28. The Fembot: Heidi MontagThe Wind Tunnel: Taylor ArmstrongThe Stoic: Nicole Kidman

29. The Trout: Meg RyanThe Mean Judge: Simon CowellThe Valentine: Bristol Palin

30. The Beauty Business: Then and Now • Year’s ago, dyeing one’s hair was to be kept secretas shown by the slogan “Hair coloring so natural only your hair dresser knows for sure!” Today it is almost mandatory. • Actually, we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. People constantly watch for signs of “enhancements,” eg. Flabby necks with tight faces, or for the kind of glamorous makeover, Governor Jan Brewer had. • Kathie Lee Gifford was pictured in our local Sunday paper saying, “I have no lines in my forehead. What do you think I do? Iron it every morning? You think people don’t know I use Botox?” 30

31. Last year, an especially nasty campaign sign displayed at a venue for a speech by Nancy Pelosi read, “BOTOX DOESN’T WORK ON THE BRAIN!” • Alleen: At ASU, I prepared student teachers for going into high school classrooms. I would give them a talk about modest dress and how they shouldn’t let their breasts show even when they leaned over. Don accused me of trying to rid the world of small—or sometimes large—pleasures. • Finally, the Director of all ASU student teachers gave up on her “dress appropriately” speech because she grew tired of arguing with girls who would say, “I paid a lot of money to look like this and I’m not going to cover it up!” 31

32. A 2009Newsweek Magazine feature pointed to the Oprah Winfrey Show as an Example of Hysterical Marketing of Health and Beauty • The editors devoted nine pages to a discussion of what they called Crazy Talk: GET A LUNCHTIME FACE-LIFT! ERASE WRINKLES TURN BACK THE CLOCK! ERADICATE AUTISM WISH AWAY CANCER! BANISH OBESITY HARNESS POSITIVE ENERGY! CURE MENOPAUSE LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE EVER! 32

33. Suzanne Somers, a 62-year-old actress and self-help author, each morning rubs a potent estrogen cream into the skin on one arm. Two weeks a months, she smears progesterone on the other arm. • Next she swallows 60 pills—40 supplements in the morning, 20 in the evening. She starts each day by giving herself injections of human growth hormone, vitamin B12, and vitamin B complex. • This is only a sampling of what she does because she believes that with nanotechnology patches, chelation therapy and biochemicals she can be her same beautiful self while living until she is 110. 33

34. Don: Today Men Are the New Market, but it is Still Controversial They are experimenting with Touch of Gray. Donald Trump is teased for his elaborate comb-over and almost any man wearing a wig is accused of wearing a rug. The first joke we heard about Arizona’s former Governor Meacham was about the shame of “wasting a $400 toupee on a two-bit head.” • Even more than with women, the emphasis is on “staying young” and “virile.” Virile is based on the old Latin word vir, meaning “man,” which is seen in such words as virtue, virtuous and werewolf, and is suggested in thebrand name of Viagra. • The “promised” rewards for using Viagra opened the door to the way that commercial interests are now beginning to treat men much like women have been treated for decades.

35. This Newsweek cover illustrates the changing times that are making both men and women nervous. The story went on to question whether (or how?) it is time to rethink masculinity. Is the Traditional Male Endangered? 35

36. “I Feel Pretty”by Joel Stein, TIME October 25, 2010 TIME magazine printed a half-humorous piece connecting capitalism to the idea of health and beauty treatments for men. • In 1997, skin care products for men (aftershave, eye gels, wrinkle erasers) was a $40-million business. • In 2009, it had climbed to a $207-million business. • L’Oreal’s line of cosmetics for men went up 30% in the first half of 2010. • Menaji, a rival company, has grown 70% each year since its founding in 2000. • Founder Michele Probst, told Stein she was just back from mailing 18 packages to soldiers overseas. • Her concealer is called camo, and it comes packaged like chapstick. Her bigger packages resemble cigar boxes. 36

37. Lisa Ashley, a make-up artist whose clients include Charlie Sheen, Howie Long, and Terry Bradshaw, told Stein that “The M work [make-up] is cancer to us…We are skin care that looks good.” • What Stein calls his “Homer Simpson lines,” Ms. Ashley refers to as his nasolabial crease, a term that made him feel so “unmanly” he knew he would never apply the product himself. • He was amazed at the cost: $55 for 0.33 oz. (9 grams) of eye moisturizer—until Ashley dropped some Toppik powder on his hair line and his balding disappeared. • He bought the largest jar she could find, which was either $45 or $12,000. He can’t remember, but he does know that it is not makeup and he will never leave the house without it.

38. In Conclusion • We started this PowerPoint thinking we would do a “Ms. and Mr. Debate about Gender Issues,” but we soon realized that growing old is a challenge for both men and women, but fortunately today we have more time to learn how to manage it. • Think how much you learned during four years of high school or college. Today most of us will have more years than that to learn how to be old. • When Social Security was begun in 1932, the average life expectancy was 62 and it wasn’t distributed to people until they were 65, which is what made it so cost effective. • Today, if we are in our 70s and in pretty good health, we have a good chance of making it into our 90s. 38

39. Growing Old in a Capitalist Society ADVANTAGES Disadvantages A Gazillion Salespeople False Promises of Everlasting Youth Complicated Money Management Complicated Insurance Media Images that We Can’t Keep Up With A Loss of Control • Fold-up Canes • Disabled License Plates • Hair Coloring • Dental Care • Wheelchairs • Sidewalks • Senior Discounts • Airport Advantages • Handicap Facilities

40. Things That Get Better with Age • We can start bragging—instead of lying—about our age. • We have an excuse for not doing those things we didn’t like to do anyway. • As our skin gets thinner, old scars come back and like a scrapbook remind us of our adventurous lives. • We begin to look better in our old photos.

41. People who have felt bad about having crooked teeth, can rejoice at still having their own teeth. • Alleen: I always hated being taller than 90% of the boys, but now that I’ve shrunk two inches I have a whole new circle of eligible men. Also, I don’t have to shave my legs as often because with bifocals, I don’t see the hairs. • In conclusion, think of the elderly woman who responded to her doctor’s worried confession that he couldn’t make her any younger with “I’m not asking you to make me younger. I want you to make me older.”