Stages of a Relationship

1. Stages of a Relationship Emotional Stages Development of a Love Relationship Six Stages of Love Couples Journey Stages 10 Stage Model of Interpersonal Relationships Five Stages from Beginning to End Stages of Marriage 7 Types of Marriage

2. 5 emotional stages – according to ages • 20-28: Getting into Adult World • 29-34: Starting to question “Who am I?” • 35-43: Midlife scare – inner changes • 44-54: Rediscovering (apart of together) • 55+: Growth toward wisdom

3. Development of a Love Relationship(Jerry Braza) • Attraction: bring two people together, similarities draws them together. Differences allow them to grow. • Positive Feelings: most of the time when together. Strong feelings. Temporary and illusion (sometimes)

4. Development of a Love Relationship, cont. • Depth begins: • Faith in each other begins to build • Novelty continues/sexual attraction strong • Communication is excellent, talk easily • Little or no criticism, mutual discovery (feels good) • Stability: newness wears off • Develop rational strength through many activities • Openness is the KEY

5. Development of a Love Relationship, cont. • Crossroads #1 • Assume friendship will last without any work needed to keep it going • Take each other for granted • Don’t develop common interests (do most things independently) • Talk less and less – begin to be critical and indifferent • Tension increases, fighting, arguing – sex becomes less enjoyable • Relationship falls apart

6. Development of a Love Relationship, cont. • Crossroads #2 • Develop and expand common interests • Work at relationship/communication • Do things for and with each other • Shared journey • Strong bond – can handle stress • Relationship offers more fulfillment • Lasting sexual enjoyment

7. Six Stages of LOVE (Judy & Jim Sellner) • ROMANCE: Love as a giddy, enthralling, passionate, and largely conflict-free condition. • EARLY COMMITMENT: high expectations, incomplete knowledge and understanding, the couple decide to become committed to each other.

8. Six Stages of LOVE, cont. 3.POWER STRUGGLE AND CONFLICT: the bloom is off the rose and reality starts to intrude, as two individual identities emerge. 4.RESOLUTION AND ACCEPTANCE: the couple learn how to confront each other constructively and resolve major hostilities.

9. Six Stages of LOVE, cont. 5.COMMITMENT OR ETHICAL LOVE: a transformation of emphasis from “What can this relationship do for me?” to “What can I do for this relationship?” 6.LOVE MADE VISIBLE or MATURE ROMANTICISM: you inspire each other to do creative things that have an effect on other people

10. Couples Journey Stages (Susan Campbell) • Romance: happily-ever-after • Power struggle: accept each other at end • Stability: no risking, too comfortable • Commitment: love even though don’t always like • Co-creation: beyond relationship, outer world

11. Couples Journey Stages (Berkeley Therapy Institute Stages) • Happy Time: romantic, enjoy togetherness • Conflict and Regrets: begins in disappointment, reality, disillusionment (question wisdom in being together), differences emerge, mutual disapproval • Reaching an Accord: give up blame, develop realistic expectation, mutual acceptance, accommodation, and attraction.

12. 10 Stage Model of Interpersonal Relationships -Knapp GROWTH Stages • Initiating Stage • Impressions • Checking out • Clothes • Physical Attractiveness • Intelligence • Testing • Ideas • Opinions • Attitudes • Beliefs

13. Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.) GROWTH Stages • Experimenting Stage • Seeking common ground • Testing the waters with self-disclosure • Provide personal histories

14. Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.) GROWTH stages • Intensifying Stage • Swap possessions • clothes • CDs • Use pet names for each other • Increase self-disclosure • Increase risks • Increase openness

15. Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.) GROWTH stages • Integrating Stage • Constantly nearby • Share friends • Others identify the dyad as a couple or best friends

16. Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.) GROWTH stages • Bonding Stage • Formal commitment • Engagement • Marriage • Signing a lease • Going into business together

17. Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.) DECLINE Stages • Differentiating Stage • Focus on the differences • Increased conflict • Increased time apart

18. Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.) DECLINE Stages • Circumscribing Stage • Superficial conversation • Safe topics • Conflict avoidance • Appear to be committed in public • Focus on the relationship

19. Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.) DECLINE Stages • Stagnating Stage • Lack of relationship growth • Lack of communication on relationship • Introduction of emotional pain

20. Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.) DECLINE Stages • Avoiding Stage • Physical separation • Direct communication • Hostility • Antagonism

21. Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.) DECLINE Stages • Termination Stage • Preparation to end relationship • Indication of trying to "work it out“ • Possible transformation of relationship • Rules for new relationship • Seeking alternatives • Transitional person • End of Relationship

22. Levinger’s Theory that Relationships Pass through Five Stages from Beginning to End

23. Positive Factors Proximity and repeated exposure Positive emotions High affiliation need and friendship motivation Negative Factors Absence of proximity and repeated exposure Negative emotions Low affiliation need and friendship motivation Stage of Relationship: INITIAL ATTRACTION

24. Positive Factors Equivalent physical attractiveness Similarity of attitudes and other characteristics Reciprocal positive evaluations Negative Factors Nonequivalent physical attractiveness Dissimilarity of attitudes and other characteristics Reciprocal negative evaluations Stage of Relationship:BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP

25. Positive Factors Seeking ways to maintain interest and variety Providing evidence of positive evaluation Absence of jealousy Perceived equity High level of mutual satisfaction Negative Factors Falling into a rut and becoming bored Providing evidence of negative evaluation Jealousy Perceived inequity Low level of mutual satisfaction Stage of Relationship:CONTINUATION

26. Positive Factors Much time and effort invested in relationship Work at improvement of relationship Wait for improvement to occur Negative Factors Little time and effort invested in relationship Decide to end relationship Wait for deterioration to continue Stage of Relationship:DETERIORATION

27. Positive Factors Existing relationship offers some rewards No alternative partners available Expect relationship to succeed Commitment to a continuing relationship Negative Factors A new life appears to be the only acceptable solution Alternative partners available Expect relationship to fail Lack of commitment to a continuing relationship Stage of Relationship:ENDING

28. Six Stages of Marriage (Mel Krantzler) • Now we are a couple: high hopes, great expectations (3 years) • What’s happening to my career: concern with status, income, achievement • Here we are parents: caring environment, now more than a couple, change in relationships

29. Six Stages of Marriage, cont. • Suddenly we’re older: disenchantment, aging • Is the past my only future (50-65): in touch with self, accepted by spouse as is • Summing up: shared interests

30. 7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE The following seven styles were based on a 125 question survey of 8,385 couples. by David Olson, Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. Published in the “Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.” (from article in Salt Lake Tribune, 11/22/93)

31. 7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE • VITALIZED • These couples are most satisfied with marriage and feel comfortable with their spouse’s habits and personality. They rank particularly high on scales measuring ability to resolve conflict and communicate. They tend to be older, married longer, more educated and have higher incomes and job status. More husbands work part time, and fewer of them have two jobs.

32. 7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. • HARMONIOUS • They score moderately high on resolving conflict, communicating and accepting spouse’s habits and personality. But they have drastically lower consensus on issues involving parenting, although they frequently have only one child. They tend to be older, married for a shorter period of time and have the fewest children of any group. They are more educated and have higher status jobs, but men have lower incomes more often than expected and women earn more. More wives work full time and are less often unemployed.

33. 7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. • BALANCED • These couples communicate well and are satisfied with problem-solving strategies. They also have higher than average agreement on leisure activities, child-rearing issues and sexuality. They value their nuclear family and try to balance family life with outside interests. But financial management is a problem in the relationship.

34. 7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. • TRADITIONAL • Couples fitting this profile were most satisfied of all groups in how they handle children and parenting duties. They scored above average on conflict resolution, communication and acceptance of spouse’s habits and personality. Scores were even higher on the part religion plays in their marriage. They marry younger, have more children and the wives tend to work less than in other couples. Most have never considered divorce.

35. 7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. • CONFLICTED • Moderately low scores overall with relatively greater agreement on egalitarian roles in the marriage and making religion an important part of the relationship. Their lowest scores indicate difficulty communicating and resolving conflict. They have less education, lower income and job status and more religious differences. Many couples consider divorce, but they are no more likely to be separated or previously divorced than other couples.

36. 7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. • FINANCIALLY FOCUSED • Money, or financial rewards, appear to hold this type of couple together. They are dissatisfied with six other relationship issues. A majority of both partners have considered divorce.

37. 7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. • DEVITALIZED • Pervasively dissatisfied with their marriages, these couple tend to be younger, less educated and have lower status occupations and incomes. More husbands have two jobs. Their acquaintance before marriage is shorter. They are more racially and religiously dissimilar. They are twice as likely to be separated as conflicted couples and 10 times more likely to be separated than other types. Also, 20 percent of the partners have been divorced previously.