Parenting Teens “Do’s and “Don'ts Jeopardy

1. Parenting Teens “Do’s and “Don'ts Jeopardy

2. Discuss, write down, and follow through on rules and consequences.

3. What is…a parenting “do” • This clears up any potential misunderstanding or misinterpretation of the rules and consequences, and helps teens take responsibility.

4. All issues are important and each should have a rule and a consequence.

5. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Don’t make an issue out of every little thing. Pick and choose a few basic issues that are really important and set rules and consequences for them.

6. Always know where your kids are and what they are doing, even your older teen.

7. What is…a parenting “do” • And if you think that they are lying about where they are, let your teen know you will be checking on them, and then do so.

8. You should adjust your expectations about adolescent behavior in light of their brain changes.

9. What is…a parenting “do” • It is normal for adolescents to act without thinking of the consequences, to react impulsively, and to display raw emotions and mood swings.

10. In a power struggle with your teen, make sure that you resolve the issue immediately, especially if your teen is being disrespectful or abusive.

11. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Stop any conversation in which your teen’s behavior is disrespectful or abusive. Suspend all privileges until the conversation can restart without the negative behavior.

12. Let your teen know what you consider to be important values in romantic relationships.

13. What is…a parenting “do” • It is especially critical to stress the importance of respect and honesty in all relationships.

14. Help your teen put romantic relationships in perspective. Let them know when you think that they are stressing too much about a trivial issue, or that their significant other is a “loser”.

15. What is…a parenting “don’t” • It is not helpful to make fun of or ridicule teen romantic attachments, nor is it the right approach to get angry or use derogatory language to label a boyfriend or girlfriend that you have concerns about. However, it is ok to address your concerns in a calm manner regarding specific behaviors.

16. Make sure that when you have “the big talk” about sex, that you take the opportunity to cover as much information as possible.

17. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Make discussions about sex and sexuality an ongoing process. Have short conversations at opportune times starting in the preteen years and continuing through adolescence.

18. There is a limit to how much discussion you should have with your teen about sex and sexuality. To much information can promote sexual promiscuity.

19. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Regardless of their background, personal beliefs, or gender; changes in the adolescent brain increases their interest in sex. Teens will not become more interested in sex no matter how much you talk to them about it, nor will it promote promiscuity.

20. It is ok to send multiple messages to your adolescent about teen sex and sexuality.

21. What is…a parenting “do” • You can tell your teen why it’s important to delay sexual relations until adulthood, but don’t assume that they won’t engage in sexual behavior before then. Make sure that they have accurate information on birth control and STD prevention. Educating your teen won’t cause them to engage in early sex.

22. Responsible alcohol use can only be modeled by not drinking in the presence of your teen.

23. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Modeling responsible use also includes drinking in moderation in the presence of your teen, and by not driving under the influence.

24. It’s ok to ignore occasional signs that your teen is drinking or smoking marijuana as long as it doesn’t effect their schoolwork or their attitude.

25. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Experimentation can lead to problem use. Even though you know that it is normal for teens to experiment, any use is not acceptable, and should have consequences.

26. It’s not as important to get to know your teen’s friend’s parents as long as you know about and approve of your teen’s friends.

27. What is…a parenting “don’t” • It’s critical to know your teen’s friends’ parents. Your teen is likely to spend a lot of time at their friend’s homes, so you need to have as good an idea as possible about what behaviors are allowed in their homes.

28. It is up to your discretion to allow minor drug and alcohol use in your home as long as you monitor your teen’s use and don’t let them leave your house while under the influence.

29. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Don’t allow use in your home with the excuse of “they’re going to experiment anyway, at least I’ll know where they are and can watch them”. Alcohol use under the age of 21, and drug use is illegal and harmful. Sending mixed messages erodes your credibility.

30. Don’t make jokes or make light of your own past use in an effort to connect with your teen on their level.

31. What is…a parenting “do” • Sending mixed messages about adolescent smoking, drinking or drug use confuses teens and damages your credibility when it comes to setting clear boundaries. There is no need to admit to your own use as a teen in order to “connect” with your adolescent. They are not developmentally ready to interpret this mixed message as anything but hypocritical.

32. Using filtering/monitoring software and following media rating systems are comprehensive computer and TV monitoring techniques.

33. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Though these monitoring techniques are important, there is nothing more important than discussing what your kids are watching and what games they are playing. You may not always be able to monitor their screen time, so helping them interpret what they see is critical.

34. Limit the amount of entertainment (TV and video) screen time to about ten hours per week.

35. What is…a parenting “do” • Ten hours a week of entertainment screen time is reasonable. Computer time for homework and email should not be included in the ten hours.

36. It’s ok to occasionally let kids play violent video games as long as they are not ultraviolent first-person shooter video games.

37. What is…a parenting “don’t • Aside from the overwhelming scientific evidence of the link between media violence and youth aggression, media violence breeds a culture of disrespect. Violence in the media is redefining how we are supposed to treat one another.

38. Teens are entitled to have a certain amount of screen time in order to stay competitive in today’s world

39. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Screen time is a privilege, even educational and email use. Clear and consistent family rules about screen time is critical to controlling the influence of screens on teens. Screen time should be earned by complying to rules.

40. You can allow your adolescent to have a TV, video games, or a computer in their bedroom as long a you periodically monitor what they are doing.

41. What is…a parenting “don’t” • It more difficult to monitor the type and amount of screen use when screens are in kid’s bedrooms, or even in other remote common areas such as the home office. Keep screens in common, heavily trafficked family areas, and let kid’s bedrooms be a place where they can wind down without the stimulation of electronic media.

42. Let your teen catch up on lost sleep over the weekend days by letting them sleep past noon if they need to.

43. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Teens need at least 9 ½ hours of sleep every night, and they usually don’t get that during the week because of school schedules. Catching up on sleep during the weekend days is necessary as long as you wake them by 10 or 11am. Allowing them to sleep longer will shift their sleep to an even later cycle where day and night are turned around.

44. Don’t let your teen use stimulants, even caffeine, to wake up in the morning.

45. What is…a parenting “do” • Artificial stimulants, while providing quick energy, keep the developing adolescent brain from learning how to produce it’s own neurotransmitters, which ultimately effects the wake/sleep patterns.

46. Some sleep deprivation is ok to allow during the school year when teens need to be highly involved to remain competitive, as long as teens can catch up on their sleep during the weekend and summers.

47. What is…a parenting “don’t” • Because their brains are still developing, sleep deprivation in teens causes functional memory impairment, an increase in cortisol (which can hurt the immune system), lack of alertness, difficulty producing glucose (which can contribute to excess weight gain), and mood disorders. Catching up on sleep on the weekends and in the summer doesn’t prevent or erase any of these problems.

48. Don’t allow your teen to use any sleep medications, including over-the-counter medications or natural or herbal remedies such as melatonin, without the recommendation of a physician.

49. What is…a parenting “do” • Sleep medications, while possibly helping a teen sleep, keep the developing adolescent brain from learning how to produce it’s own neurotransmitters, which ultimately effects the wake/sleep patterns. Only a physician should evaluate the need for, and recommend sleep medications.

50. It is ok to let your teen wind down at night by watching TV until they are tired enough to fall asleep.