Relationships in teams

1. Relationships in teams Teams, Relationship Rooms and Basic Love

2. The most important question in team relationships • How much room do I have in my heart for team members? • The sklerokardia problem • Five most important rooms: • Directness • Continuity • Multiplexity • Parity • Commonality Small hard heart 2 1 4 3 5

3. Five important relationship rooms • Directness: Direct face to face communication • Continuity: Frequency, regularity and duration • Multiplexity: Contact in ≥ 1 context / role • Parity: good balance of power / influence • Commonality: Sharing common purpose / values

4. What do we often find in these rooms? • Directness: gossip; indirect communication; feeling of distance or alienation • Continuity: high staff turnover; irregular contact; who is that? • Multiplexity: only one context  one-sided knowledge of one another • Parity: misuse of power; disrespect • Commonality: no shared values; conflicting purposes

5. What should we find in the five Relationship Rooms? • BASIC LOVE: Choosing and acting for the highest good for all parties involved even if it means making sacrifices • It is a choice • It leads to ethical behaviour • It considers the interests of relevant parties • It places a million euros in the relationship bank right at the beginning even before the other party has lifted a finger or given a friendly smile

6. Directness Continuity Parity 4 3 2 1 Multiplexity Relationship Radar Diagram Commonality

7. Relationship Radar Diagram • Go through the four questions about each room • Count how many times you say YES for each room • Enter your score on the Radar Diagram X X X X X

8. Test: Directness • Do your co-workers think you spend enough face-to-face time with them in the workplace? • Do your co-workers think you are accessible enough? • Do your co-workers think you respond well when they try to contact you? • Do your co-workers think you are a good listener?

9. Test: Continuity • Do your co-workers think you make enough effort to understand their point of view? • Do your co-workers think that you have enough contact with them? (frequency / duration) • Do your co-workers think that there is a growth of trust and understanding in the team? • Does your contribution to the team inspire others to remain on the team?

10. Test: Multiplexity • Do your co-workers think you know enough about their total life situation? • Do your co-workers think you know enough about their talents, gifts, skills and performance in different situations? • Do you have both formal and non-formal contact with your colleagues? • Do your colleagues think that you take enough initiative to build good relationships?

11. Test: Parity • Do your colleagues think you seek their participation in decisions that affect them? • Do your colleagues think you give credit to people for the work they do? • Do your colleagues think you share risks and rewards fairly with them? • Do your colleagues think you address the right topics in the right settings?

12. Test: Commonality • Do your colleagues think you share the same values and goals about the work? • Do your colleagues think you understand the organizational culture of your company? • Do your colleagues think you are honest about your ability to make mistakes and that you handle conflicts well? • Do your colleagues think you use the diversity of the team to promote creativity and collaboration?

13. How do you fill the five rooms with basic love? • By building heart to heart bridges • How do you do that?

14. Building the Relationship Bridge Directness Continuity Multiplexity Parity Commonality Knowing Trusting Serving

15. What are you going to do to: • Build Basic Love bridges? • Make larger the five relationship rooms in the workplace? • Directness • Continuity • Multiplexity • Parity • Commonality

16. Sources • Schluter, M & Lee, DJ; The R Option; Relationships Foundation: Cambridge; ISBN 0-9543879-0-2 • Schluter, M & Lee, DJ; The R Factor; Relationships Foundation: Cambridge; ISBN 0-340-58892-6