Giving a Relationship a Second Chance: When It's More Than Ego & Attachment

1. GIVING A RELATIONSHIP A SECOND CHANCE: WHEN IT’S MORE THAN EGO AND ATTACHMENT? APRIL 25, 2017 So, you’ve broken up with your guy. It’s a sad moment in anyone’s life even if you’re sure it happened for the right reasons. We’ve all been through this, most of us more than once. Now let me ask you: how do you feel about second chances? To be honest, I’m no great believer in these, that is unless there are some very plausible and healthy reasons as to why getting back together is a good idea. The reality is most relationships that are not working should end for good, not necessarily because anyone was a bad person, but because together they create destruction on some level… Let me explain… I’ve seen many people try and fail, time and time again. I’ve seen people breaking up and getting back together every few months — feeding off the drama, the addiction, and living in the same destructive relationship without doing what’s required to make it truly work. Healthy You Healthy Love © 2017. All rights reserved.

2. And I’ve also seen how sometimes magic happens and two people who were fed up and even bitter towards each other, who hurt each other, are able to come back together and take their relationship to healthier more connected heights, to a much more deeply loving level. How does this happen? Well, firstly it takes two people to transform a mediocre relationship into a loving and thriving union. Before both parties consider giving the relationship a second chance, each person has to figure out what they authentically want (outside of their tender ego and unhealthy attachment). The reason most relationships fall apart is due to one or a number of common relationship issues. The most typical relationship killers are; differing core values, “wrong timing”, and the most destructive – unresolved emotional wounds from the past. Sure, most often one person is more responsible for the breakup than the other, though it still takes two people to mend the disconnection. Whether you crossed a line, or whether he did, or both of you, it’s essential to take the time to look inside yourself and figure out what you really need in life and from a relationship. This will give you a strong starting point for a second chance. Or maybe this reflection will clearly reveal that there is no point in trying again. Knowing when to throw in the towel or pick it up again Reflecting on my last relationship, one of only two relationships that I gave a second chance, I realize that deep down I knew it wasn’t going to work. There were many aspects of the relationship that were great, so I invested in making it work, though the things that were not working in the beginning, were unable to be resolved, and in the end, they were deal breakers. Yes, we got back together because he promised that things would be different the second time around. Unfortunately 80% of the issues remained – as a result, the inevitable happened, it saw a sure death. I followed my formula, though I could not make him change if he wasn’t ready to or able to. Sometimes we just have to accept that something isn’t workable. It’s often the fantasy of what the relationshipcould be, versus, how it actually is, that causes us the most grief. Unfortunately, fantasy is not reality, and potential is also a fantasy. You see, none of us can exercise control over another person, sure, we can try and work together and influence each other, though unless you both want the same thing and value the same things, unity is pretty much impossible. What you can do is be clear about what you want and do what it takes to create what you want. If you’re willing to give the relationship another chance, and if you are prepared to put in your share of the work — because it takes work, sometimes a little and sometimes a lot — then a second chance could work, though there is a big BUT…. … He has the feel the same way too! One of you can’t be invested while the other is not. You both have to be committed to the same relationship goal. My ex did feel the same about me, he wanted to be with me, though the timing was terrible for him as he had some influencing issues associated with his divorce, settlement, and custody of his children. He didn’t want it over, though for me to stay it would have cost me too much – the level of compromise on my end was too risky for me. Healthy You Healthy Love © 2017. All rights reserved.

3. I don’t regret getting back together. I felt that I neededmore information before I could let him go. In the end, it only took me nine weeks to work out that we weren’t a match… and then it is time to heal and learn as much as I could from the experience. So…. Perhaps I did not have the happy ending I was wishing for, yet this is just one example. I have also helped many women get back together with an ex and they had great success. Second and even third chances can work. If the time is right, you share overlapping core values, and you’re both 100% committed to being the best you can be as individuals and as a couple, then you’re in with a very good chance. But if you’re certain that the relationship doesn’t have the legs or foundations to thrive, then I suggest you cut your losses. Empty promises and fantasy will not bring you happiness. Know that your true match is waiting for you out there in the world because there is an abundance of men also in your position and dreaming of meeting someone like you. Your friend in love, Nadine xxoo P.S. Please tell me about your love journey – have you gotten back together and it worked? Tell us how. Did you get back together and it did not work – let us know why! CATEGORIES: MUST READ  RELATIONSHIPS  TAGS:COMMON RELATIONSHIP ISSUESGIVING A RELATIONSHIP A SECOND CHANCELOVE AND SECOND CHANCESMEDIOCRE RELATIONSHIPRELATIONSHIP GOALSECOND CHANCETRANSFORM A MEDIOCRE RELATIONSHIP Healthy You Healthy Love © 2017. All rights reserved.