Attachment: What We Need To Know

Attachment:What We Need To Know Becky Chopp

Attachment Children with a secure attachment have feelings about being secure, have self confidence, seek out peer relationships or interactions, and are connected to the world around them. Children who do not have secure attachments are anxious, worried, aggressive, don’t like to seek out peer relationships or interactions and may even carry around fear.

What is Attachment? • Attachment is not only the feeling of affection for a person but is the basis to our positive interactions throughout our lives. • The attachment Theory its self was created by John Bowlby, a psychologist, and was then later researched and added onto by Mary Ainsworth who was also a psychologist.

Attachment Theory • Bowlby and Ainsworth did much research on the topic of a child forming relationships with his or her mother and caregivers. They found evidence that children attached to their mothers, fathers, and caregivers in different forms. • These different forms of attachment were directly correlated with how the child acts, explores the world, and the personalities they poses as adults.

Attachment Theories • Bowlby and Ainsworth came up with three specific forms of the Attachment Theory • However, much research has been done on attachment theory and Erik Erickson, a psychologist, renamed the original three and came up with one more form to create four important attachments that we need to know. • The four attachment forms/styles are: • Secure Attachment • Ambivalent Attachment • Avoidant Attachment • Disorganized Attachment

1: Secure Attachment • This is the “Golden” Attachment that we all strive for. • It is formed by having Responsive Care from a parent or caregiver. Responsive care is when a parent or caregiver response to all of the child’s needs. What it looks like in a child and later in an adult: • Child: • Seeks out peer relationships • Is Secure and Confident • Goes to the parent for comfort • Is comforted by the Parent • Adult: • Has high self-esteem • Develops trusting relationships • Seeks out Social Support

2: Ambivalent Attachment • It is formed from the result of poor availability, meaning the parent/caregiver is inconsistent with helping meet the child’s needs. What it looks like in a child and later in an adult: • Child: • Is easy to distress • Does not prefer a parent over a stranger • Usually is not comforted by a parent • Adult: • Has trouble getting close to others • Worries about not being loved • Is distraught when relationships end

3: Avoidant Attachment • It is formed from non-responsive care, meaning the parents/caregivers do not respond to the child. What it looks like as a child and later as an adult: • Child: • Is aggressive • Doesn’t look for relationships • Has a lack of empathy • Adult: • Has problems with intimacy • Puts little emotional investment into relationships • Is unable to share feelings with others

4: Disorganized Attachment • It is formed from threatening/abusive care from a parent or caregiver • Not even 20% of people have this form of attachment What it looks like as a child and later as an adult: • Child: • Is confused and anxious • Is apprehensive • Acts as the caregiver • Adult: • Keep the role of the parent throughout life • May have dissociative disorders • Has the inability to form attachments to others

How to Strive for Secure Attachment • First we need to build secure attachment by: • Having realistic expectations about being a parent • Having knowledge about our child’s development • Having social support from others • Recognizing our own relationships and histories

Optimal Conditions for Secure Attachment • Having positive interactions • Responding to child’s needs • Understand the positive messages we have received about helping our children learn and embracing them • Love, respect, and take care of your child in a positive manner with the help of others.

What every Parent Should Know about their Kids • It is never to late to try and form secure attachments. • Children come into this world underdeveloped and parents/caregivers take on the responsibility to help children learn, strive, and support them. • Children’s brains are very flexible and can be molded in the way we want and it is not to late to help children learn positive interactions.

Works Cited Molly Minkkinen John Bowlby Mary Ainsworth Erick Erickson

Attachment: What We Need To Know