Specific Topic: “Fitting in at high-school”

1. Specific Topic: “Fitting in at high-school” • Obstacles to Overcome • Not able to get involved in school activities because my commitment to diving kept me occupied most afternoons and weekends. • People judged me because I was quiet and didn’t know me. • My parents were considered “well off” by my peers’ standards, and they equated that with my being spoiled. They didn’t like me. • Because I had a very strong sense of right and wrong, I tended to judge my peers, which didn’t help. • Personal Ideas … • I wanted to quit swimming—which I had to go to another town to do several nights a week and every weekend and try out for cheerleader. • I knew I would have to start talking to people aside from the two good friends I had. Student Council would be a good place to start. • Downplay my family’s finances and show people my personality. • Learn to keep my mouth shut and not judge! Become a better listener and get to know people for who they are. • Ideas from class stuff • “Never succumb to the war that you fight in your heart”(“Perseverance”) • Pausch was right about clichés being inspirational. “Don’t judge a book by its cover” worked both ways for me. • I had so much good in my life, but I was living like an Eeyore, and the Tigger was dying to come out. I had to “pick a camp” and go for it. • “Living might mean taking chances, But they’re worth taking”(I Hope You Dance”)

2. Step 1: Attention Getting “Shut up, Pizza-face! No one cares what you think. Go back to hole, Gym-rat!” Tommy laughed at his own words. Kids, especially Tommy, could be so cruel. My face felt like it was on fire, and not just because of my acne, but because he had shouted these words across the entire classroom for everyone to hear and join in his laughter. This was my life nearly every day. On good days, people just ignored me.

3. Step 2: Present the Problem Fighting back tears of anger and humiliation, I remember thinking, I hate high school. I don’t fit in. How was I ever going to survive four years? I grew up with these kids, yet they didn’t know me—didn’t want to know me. On the other hand, I didn’t really know them either. It was difficult for me to get involved in school-related stuff because of my commitment to gymnastics. We didn’t have a school team, so I had to travel to another town three nights a week for practice. On weekends it was either practice or a two-day meet, so football games, dances, just general social gatherings, weren’t an option for me. I loved what I did, but I was starting to feel the impact of not having a social life.

4. Step 2: Present the Problem I had friends where I trained, but it wasn’t the same as having friends where you actually lived and went to school. Because I wasn’t good friends with many people at my school, I tended to be on the quiet side. I felt insecure and awkward when they’d talk about social and school events or boyfriends, girlfriends. I had nothing to add to the conversation and always seemed to be on the outside of it all. The other problem was that I was raised with a really strong sense of “right” and “wrong,” so when I did say things, it always seemed to come across as judgmental—not a good way to encourage friendships at all. I had to face the truth: I was a teenage geek.

5. Step 3: How to Overcome I spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out how to fix my life. Nothing would make me happier than feeling like I fit in among my peers at school. I was tired of being the outsider. It was as much an internal battle as it was an external one. I loved gymnastics but hated not being involved at school. It was a constant tug-of-war: sacrifice something that I had done and been successful in since the age of six, or remain an outcast for the next four years. The reality of the situation was that I was living my life like a downtrodden Eeyore but had a vivacious Tigger dying to come out. It was time, as Randy Pausch said, to “pick a camp.” I picked Tigger.

6. Step 3: How to Overcome By the spring of my freshman year, I had things figured out. I would take the steps necessary to win that internal battle, resolving “never to succumb to the war that [I] fight in [my] heart” (“Perseverance”). Tigger would win. What did I do? First, I took the advice of my only two friends and learned to keep my mouth shut when I wanted to correct or criticize someone’s behavior. Living by the cliché “don’t judge a book by its cover” would be an invaluable tool in making new friends. Next, I made a crucial decision. I would quit gymnastics and try out for cheerleader.

7. Step 3: How to Overcome What better and quicker way could there be to get involved and get to know my classmates? I wanted to live my life; and, desperate times call for desperate measures. Lastly, I had to show people that I wasn’t afraid of them, or stuck up, or disinterested in them. Of all the changes I planned, this was the most challenging because I was socially awkward and wasn’t the least bit confident in making conversation. But as Lee Ann Womack says in “I Hope You Dance,” “Living might mean taking chances, But they’re worth taking.” So, I took the chance and danced. It wasn’t easy, but the more I engaged in conversation, the easier it became.

8. Step 4: The Results While it became easier, none of it came easily, and when I thought I was failing, I just reminded myself I was a Tigger, and Tiggers are optimists. It gave me the strength to keep trying. By the end of my freshman year I had made the JV cheerleading squad, and I even signed up to be a Student Council representative for sophomore year. There’s no doubt I missed gymnastics and competing. My parents were a bit disappointed that I quit, but, in my head, I quit one thing to invest time and energy in another. If I weren’t going to be a great gymnast anymore, I’d be the best cheerleader instead. Tiggers make good cheerleaders!

9. Step 5: Call to Action What I endured my freshman year in high school is something many kids experience. I wasn’t unique in that way. What made me different, and what will make you different, is envisioning what you want, deciding on one or two ways you can make that happen, and then digging deep to find the resolve and courage within yourself to make it happen. Don’t let the mountains you see in front of you become your obstacles. “I Hope You Dance”…dance right over them and live your life!