Emotional Intelligence II

1. Emotional Intelligence II Bob Cole American Student Assistance

2. Agenda • Overview of Emotional Intelligence • How the Emotional Mind Functions • Really Fun Emotional Intelligence Activities • Conclusions

3. Review of Emotional Intelligence • Emotional Intelligence is a recent study in Neurology • Differs from IQ • Develops through life as brain and experiences mature • Progressive Components of EI

4. Intrapersonal Self Awareness Assertiveness Independence Self Regard Self Actualization Interpersonal Empathy Social Responsibility Interpersonal Relationships Adaptability Reality Testing Flexibility Problem Solving Stress Management Stress Tolerance Impulse Control Components of EI

5. Reinforcing and Enhancing Emotional Intelligence • Something great is going to happen to you today • Fundamental desire for happiness • Find a relaxing routine

6. Activity 1 • Champion or Chump The purpose of this activity is to help you remember from your own storehouse of information and knowledge, when a leader helped create a sense of significance and importance in you. Additionally, this exercise will help you remember times when you did not feel significant or important and the impact it had on you.

7. Activity 2 • Listening Habits The purpose of this exercise is to help you gain awareness regarding listening habits that have developed over years of practice. Keep in mind that awareness can lead to action.

8. Negative Listening Patterns • The Faker – All the outward signs are there: nodding, making eye contact, and giving the occasional “huh”. However, the faker isn’t concentrating on the speaker. His mind is elsewhere. • The Interrupter – The interrupter doesn’t allow the speaker to finish and doesn’t ask clarifying questions or seek more information from the speaker. He is too anxious to speak his words and shows little concern for the speaker. • The Logical Listener – This person is always trying to interpret what the speaker is saying and why. He is judging the speakers words and and trying to fit them into his logic box. He never asks about the underlying feeling or emotion attached to a message. • The One Upper – This person uses the speakers words only as a way to get to his message. When the speaker says something, the one upper steals the focus and then changes the conversation to his own point of view or opinion. Favorite line: “Oh, that’s nothing, here’s what happened to me.” • The Rebuttal Maker – The listener only listens long enough to form a rebuttal. His point is to use the speaker’s words against him. He may want to prove you wrong. • The Advice Giver – This person gives advice during the speaker’s conversation and interferes with good listening because it does not allow the speaker to fully articulate his feelings. Premature advice can belittle the speaker by minimizing his concern.

9. Activity 3 • Gifts The purpose of this exercise is to help you identify the gifts in each of your co-workers. Most of us think in terms of what needs to be improved. You must ask “what special gift, quality, personality trait, character trait, skill or other quality am I grateful for?

10. Activity 4 • Action and Reaction The purpose of this activity is to help you stretch you sensitivity to your co-workers reactions to your actions. Part of what makes working with people is that unlike machines, they may have several reactions to the same action.

11. Activity 4 Continued • Read and interpret this e-mail sent to all staff on the sixth floor I’m not sure if anyone has been inside the refrigerator lately but there has been an ugly smell emanating from within. Due to the foul nature of this machine, I am taking it upon myself to bathe the inside with strong disinfectants on Friday at 2:00. Please remove anything that is of value to you before 2:00 or it will need to be retrieved from the garbage receptacle. Thank-you for your attention to this grave and serious matter.

12. Activity Five • Stress Management The purpose of this activity is to identify not simply the implications of a stressful situation but to determine if there are ways to lessen its impact on you and other.

13. Activity 5 “For the third time this week you have heard rumors that your company will be downsizing soon. You feel threatened by these rumors. To begin with, you believe there is truth to rumors. You know that upper management has been searching for ways to save money. Lately you have felt the scrutiny of upper management – they have started to blame you and your department for recent failures. You believe you have made substantial contributions during the past seven years, but you are not certain upper management is aware of the time and money and have saved the organization. In addition, you and your team have worked hard to develop good relations with other departments. Even if management is aware of your contribution, the nature of the work in your department might be the determining factor.”

14. Stress Prevention • Watch yourself and find out what triggers • Find a model of good stress tolerance • Notice the signals in you body • Short circuit the “hijack” • Repeat steps in non-stressful situations • Forgive yourself for falling short