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How to Maintain a Relationship in Medical School

How to Maintain a Relationship in Medical School. Overview. Effective communication Time management Money matters. Effective Communiation Skills. Softened Start-ups (Gottman, 2002) David Burns (1999) Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008).

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How to Maintain a Relationship in Medical School

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  1. How to Maintain a Relationship in Medical School

  2. Overview • Effective communication • Time management • Money matters

  3. Effective Communiation Skills • Softened Start-ups (Gottman, 2002) • David Burns (1999) • Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008)

  4. Softened Start-Up Rules (Gottman Institute, 2002) • Complain, but don’t blame • Start statements with “I” instead of “you” • Describe what is happening, don’t evaluate or judge • Talk clearly about what you need • Be polite • Give appreciation • Don’t store things up

  5. Effective Listening Skills (Burns, 1999) • Using the Disarming Technique • Law of Opposites – find the truth & agree • Use “I feel” statements non-defensively • Avoid getting into who is “right” or “wrong” • Using Empathy • Using Inquiry

  6. Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008) • Don’t expect perfection • Choose your fights • Talk directly to the person • Talk behind closed doors • Be cool, calm & collected • Be open to different interpretations of the same event

  7. Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008) • Intervene early • Establish a goal for the interaction • Empathize / find the truth in what they are saying • Ask for clarifying details • Good professional relationships do not mean you have to be friends

  8. So, What does Dr. Phil have to say about this? • Take it private & keep it private • Keep it relevant • Keep it real • Avoid character assassination • Remain task-oriented • Allow the other person to retreat with dignity • Be proportional in your intensity • There’s a time limit

  9. TIME: Priorities • What is in your pie? *School & studying * Significant other * Immediate family & friends, * Work * Life fillers (yard work, grocery shopping, bills, meal prep, cleaning, sleep).

  10. Time Management • Have a BALANCED plan! • Mental, Physical, Emotional, & Spiritual • All work & no play =

  11. Use a planner or scheduling program • Prioritize your To-Do list (ABC method) • A- Must Do • B- Should Do • C- Could Do • Participate in study group • Optimize based on your body clock

  12. Obstacle to Time Management • Over Scheduling • Over Accessibility • Tyranny of the Urgent!

  13. Procrastination • Anxiety/Depression • Perfectionism

  14. The Money Paradox • We don’t talk about money while we are dating, but then it becomes the bane of many long-term relationships

  15. Money Matters:Did you know…..? • 43.2% of all graduate and professional students are married • ½ of all couples disagree about their net worth by 30% • ½ of all couples give income figures that differ by more than $2,000 per year • 10% of all couples give incomes figures that differ by more than $15,000 per year • 80% of couples that divorce by age 30 report financial problems are the primary cause of marital conflict

  16. Unromantic Spend and save Invest Financial responsibility Measure of self-worth Power and control Inequitable incomes Yours, mine or ours No negotiation occurs Credit cards – yikes Unrealistic expectations Mutual trust Crisis oriented discussions Why is $$$ so tough to talk about?

  17. Why Should Couples Talk About $$ • Positive and rewarding interactions • Constructive changes in spending and saving • Enhance joint decision making • Empowers partners to be committed to and involved in the relationship • Builds confidence in problem-solving abilities • Promotes equity • Defines shared financial goals, aspirations, etc.

  18. Tips for Talking • Relationship 1st, $$ 2nd • What is happening in the relationship that makes money talk tough? • Schedule a time • Don’t wait for a crisis

  19. Tips…. • Listen without judgment • Seek input, don’t dominate • Think “problem solving” • Actively listen • Be open to alternative solutions • Compromise

  20. Tips • Understand your values and the values of your partner: • Money equals success and power • Money equals security • Money equals good feelings • Money equals independence

  21. Questions to Ask your Partner • Is our current approach to money management working for us? • How much money do we earn together? • How much money do we want to spend? • What kinds of purchases must we agree on?

  22. Questions… • How much money can we each spend without consulting the other? • How much money do we want to save? • Where will we put the money we save? • Should we have separate or joint checking accounts?

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