Good Writing – It’s Important

1. Good Writing – It’s Important • All of us can improve our writing skills • But a big impediment to doing so is the common belief that our writing is already quite good • Too often this view is false • We often make mistakes in writing style, grammar, syntax and so forth without even knowing it • So pay attention to your writing during this course – It’s important

2. Furthermore, furthermore, furthermore, also, therefore, and moreover • Try to limit over-use of these kinds of words. Used appropriately, they help to make a point. Over-used, they weaken the message. • Furthermore, statistics have indicated that three out of four women will get HPV in their lifetime. Therefore, these statistics show that there is a high chance of infection. However, Gardasil guards against four different strains. Moreover, studies have indicated that……

3. Cite your sources • “It is recommended…” (By whom? Cite!) • “There is a shortage of doctors.” (Says who? Cite!) • “A study proposed..” (Which study? Cite!) • “It is much wiser to vaccinate because it is much more expensive to treat cases of cervical cancer.” (Really? Cite the source of this claim.) • “Most women…” (cite!) • “… has dramatically reduced” (Cite!) • “Statistical analysis showed that…” (Cite!) • “… and that is why many surgeons…(Cite!)

4. Say it simply: Avoid Unnecessary Words • This will increase the overall cost that the government has to spend… ( “This will increase overall government spending”) • “…would require a fair amount of financial demand…” (“…would cost more”) • “As Health Minister take into consideration that…” (“Consider that….”) (He already knows he’s the minister so no need to remind him.) • “This issue has been shown to be very controversial.” (This issue has been..)

5. Prevention vs Treatment • “12,000 invasive procedures were performed each year to prevent cervical cancer.” • Invasive procedures don’t prevent cancer – they treat it. • Screening doesn’t prevent disease. Screening=early detection of existing disease. • Vaccines don’t treat. They prevent. • “Cervical cancer is preventable through getting a regular PAP.” (no, it is only detectible)

6. Grammar, Spelling, Syntax, Word Usage • Public, not pubic (correct spelling is important) • Trial, not trail • Data are, not data is (If subject of sentence is plural, the verb should be plural as well – datum is the singular) • “Such a high price questions if a vaccine with future unknown problems should have a permission to be delivered to school-aged girls without the protection of insurance and ability to provide for males and adult women.” (editing please – and write shorter sentences to avoid getting into major writing problems) • “Chaoulli appeal, although highly controversial, and American model of health care system suggest another option for reform of Canadian health care system” (editing please – and avoid incoherent sentences)

7. Grammar, Spelling, Syntax, Word Usage • “Clinical evidence provides at least Five years of protection, further research has been recommended.” (semi-colon or period, but not comma) • “Take a decision” (we “take a position”, but we “make a decision”) • “administering the vaccine after contraction of the disease…” “(infection” or “transmission”) • “Waiting times in hospitals is…. (times are) • “On the other hand” (must first say, “On the one hand”. Needs two hands. • “…may pose difficult to achieve.” (prove) • “amount of people” (number of people – this is a very common mistake. People are not a quantity)

8. Grammar, Spelling, Syntax, word usage • “… if they were aware of the lack of proficiency in the private sector…” (efficiency) • “HPV is hard to catch without regular pap smears.” (detect) • “...reduce the amount of cervical cancer” (prevalence? Incidence?) • “B.C. delegators for private clinics (supporters of)” • “ HPV links to other cancers.” (is associated with) • “ There are strong evidences…” (there is strong evidence)

9. Avoid “holy cow” language • “Astounding” benefit. (“significant” benefit) • “immense financial burden” (“significant”, or just “financial burden” • “would decrease immensely” (significantly) • “Excruciating costs” (high) • “wait time crisis” (who says it’s a crisis? The press? What makes something a crisis?) • “huge chunk of the population” (large portion) • “The public system gets stuck with having to pay larger costs…” (is responsible for paying…) • The vaccine is incredibly cost effective.”

10. Say what you mean • “enabling them to save money and boost the economy” (boost profits? Boost productivity?) • “Canadians citizens say that they do not want to degenerate to a more privately representative health care system.” It’s not the people who do not want to degenerate, rather it’s the system. Do you mean degenerate or deteriorate? What is meant by a “representative” health care system? Do you mean “funded” or “delivered” instead of “representative”? (“Canadian citizens say that they do not want the system to deteriorate into one that is privately funded.”)

11. Say what you mean – make it simple and clear • “Therefore, legislation can penetrate households but not with mandatory compliance.” (What does this mean?) • “Hence, public health service has become a private treatment which only made available to the made available to the minority of the population.” (editing please) • “HPV is widely acknowledged by the scientific community as a necessary cause, in which the absence of this virus will not result in the development of cervical cancer.” (editing please) • “Costs such as prolonged recovery due to longwaits…”(Costs caused by prolonged..”)

12. Say what you mean • “Further research is needed before key policy implications are made.” (decisions) • “impending” data (pending) • “Certain hospitals could improve their demand for in-patient beds…” (reduce) • “Delivering private, surgical treatments is costly due to its unsustainable nature.” (It is costly, but not due to its unsustainable nature. The cause doesn’t relate to the problem.) • The government has approved HPV vaccination to be 100% effective and safe. (proved? Or approved an HP vaccine that is…?)

13. We are the government. • “The money will have to come from either the public or the government.” • But the public IS the government. Do you mean “from either private out-of-pocket payment or from public revenues”?

14. Fact check • “By increasing preventative care strategies, we will not only see a decrease in disease rates, but also a decrease in health care costs.” (Is there evidence to support the claim that prevention reduces cost?) • “encourage PAP smears as a less costly alternative” (what evidence to you have that repeat PAPs are less costly than the vaccine?) • “…benefits outweigh the costs” (Evidence show cost:benefit analysis to make this claim) • “Cervical cancer usually has a fatal outcome.”(no, it detected early, it rarely is fatal)

15. More Fact Check • “High financial costs are inevitable to improve wait times.” (Is there evidence to support this claim?) • “safe sex prevents HPV” (It may reduce the incidence, but it does not prevent it. ) • The WHO’s (World Health Report 2000) that ranked health care systems has been widely discredited. Check the validity of your sources. • “….and another 40 women who die from HPV every year.” (women don’t die from HPV. They die from cancer caused by HPV.)

16. Avoid Passive Tense Grammar • Research is needed to identify the causes of the problem (Who needs the research?) • Consideration was given to providing additional funding (By whom?) • Weaknesses had been identified in the screening process (Who identified the weaknesses?) • Courses in statistics were given to first year students (Who gave the courses?) • It was thought that… (Who thought this? God??)