“Personal Management of your feelings.”

1. “Personal Management of your feelings.” with Vincent St. Pierre www.VincentStPierre.com

2. Or, really, interest based mediation With Vincent St. Pierre www.VincentStPierre.com

3. Don’t take notes. This will all be online at www.VincentStPierre.com. www.VincentStPierre.com

4. What’ll Be Discused • Vincent St. Pierre – Background, who is he? Introduction, etcetera. • Interest Based Mediation – Not Emotion Management! • Ten Things To Do To Sabotage Conflict Resolution • Post-Listening • Summary • Questions www.VincentStPierre.com

5. Vincent St. Pierre • Associate at Calgary Confidence and Human Resources Counseling & Assessment (www.calgarypsychologists.com) – a human resources group that has been offering solutions in counseling, marriage counseling, hypnosis, mediation, personal coaching, forensic psychology, addictions, and PTSD for more than 35 years. • Owner-Operator of two businesses: Howies Liquor and the family land management business (4 houses in Banff Trail / Capitol Hill) • Fourth year Military and Diplomatic History student at the University of Calgary. www.VincentStPierre.com

6. More about Vincent • Past Students’ Union representative for the 7,000 students in the new Arts faculty • Held the presidency of the Calgary East Federal Liberal Association, numerous posts in the provincial and federal Liberal parties, and now is the president of the Calgary-Klein Provincial Liberal Association (www.Calgary-Klein.ca) • Political blogger at www.CalgaryLiberal.com (a political blog for a political city) • More at www.VincentStPierre.com www.VincentStPierre.com

7. Interest Based Mediation • In life there is conflict. • Everyone has needs and wants, and these sometimes lead to conflict. www.VincentStPierre.com

8. Interest Based Mediation • You don’t “manage” emotions. • You acknowledge them. You acknowledge your own and you acknowledge others. www.VincentStPierre.com

9. Interest Based Mediation (let me repeat) • You don’t “manage” emotions. • You acknowledge them. You listen and explore them. www.VincentStPierre.com

10. Ten Things Not To Do These are some things that you would want to do in order to sabotage mediation or to increase the likelihood of conflict www.VincentStPierre.com

11. Ten Things Not To Do 1. Not have a process. Process protects people, traces conflicts, and separates issues from people. Come to a meeting with the main players (captains, managers, project leaders), a list of issues, and a list of solutions. Have a template solution prepared. www.VincentStPierre.com

12. Ten Things Not To Do 2. Not listen. Many times some issues aren’t issues upon themselves but are the things we latch onto when other underlying issues are being hurt (trust / respect / etc). www.VincentStPierre.com

13. Ten Things Not To Do 3. Not react to other people’s needs/wants. Try not to summarizing other people’s thoughts, ideas. Try to avoid supporting other people, or giving hints that you understand their position. Never, ever, take a moment in a meeting for other people to restate other opinions or show yourself being reflective on other people’s points. www.VincentStPierre.com

14. Ten Things Not To Do 4. Not record the meeting or the issues. A paper trail is important, not only for clarity but for third parties mediating. You don’t want resolution, and not having working documents will sabotage bringing all of the issues together. Good job. www.VincentStPierre.com

15. Ten Things Not To Do 5. Never, ever, ask open ended questions. Open questions open a dialogue, allows you to diagnose issues and sticking points. Understanding will not help sabotage resolving the conflict. www.VincentStPierre.com

16. Ten Things Not To Do 6. Be adverse to conflict Conflicts happens. Try to always be unprepared for conflict, ignore it when it happens, and you will have a great chance of sabotaging the conflict resolution process. Also, stone wall and ignore issues work just as well. www.VincentStPierre.com

17. Ten Things Not To Do 7. Say “You,” Point at People Things get heated when individuals are pointed out and the blame game is played. Point at people. Scapegoat. www.VincentStPierre.com

18. Ten Things Not To Do 8. Assume you know everything Pretend you’re a mind reader. Not only forget to listen, but go even further and start to put words in other people’s mouths. Never let the other person talk is also good. www.VincentStPierre.com

19. Ten Things Not To Do 9. Focus on the un-substantive issues It’s really easy to derail a conversation from the core issues into a full discussion on a minor or un-substantive issue. If you want to slow or hurt the mediation process derail the conversation and focus on unrelated issues! www.VincentStPierre.com

20. Ten Things Not To Do 10. Never, ever be positive If someone is positive in a meeting or in a conflict it will spread. You need to stamp it out as quickly as possible through attacks, sarcasm, and insults. If the feeling of the room is positive then accommodation, results, and resolution to conflicts will be made. www.VincentStPierre.com

21. Now that we’ve listened… • Interest Based Mediation requires that after an investigation period (sharing information, emotions, creating a shared experience / bond) that two parties move on to addressing the issues. • Issues tend not to be, in fact, in conflict with one another. Addressing underlying emotional issues key. www.VincentStPierre.com

22. Summary • You do not “handle” or “manage” your emotions: You acknowledge them. You do not “handle” or “manage” other peoples’ emotions: you acknowledge them. • Have a process. Listen. Record. Repeat. www.VincentStPierre.com

23. Questions? • Vin@VincentStPierre.com • www.VincentStPierre.com www.VincentStPierre.com www.VincentStPierre.com