Bullying and Your Child: What You Need to Know About the Newly-Enacted Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights

1. Bullying and Your Child: What You Need to Know About the Newly-Enacted Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights South Brunswick Parent Academy October 19, 2011 7-8:30 pm Crossroads North Cafeteria

2. Welcome! Please complete the pre-session questions on the survey and set it aside. Thank you!

3. http://southbrunswick.patch.com

4. Goals LEARN… • How to recognize harassment, intimidation and bullying • How South Brunswick Schools address these H.I.B. issues • How to use strategies to empower your child to handle all kinds of bullying including cyber bullying

5. Conflict • Conflict is normal and part of growing up • Constructive conflict helps kids • grow up and become more tolerant • develop coping skills • Conflict is NOT bullying

6. Role Play

7. What is Bullying? • Bullying happens… When there is an imbalance of power WHEN IS IT HIB?

8. Raising Awareness about the HIB Policy Harassment, Intimidation and Bullying

9. Intent To strengthen standards for preventing, reporting, investigating, and responding to incidents of bullying andreduce the risk of suicide among students.

10. Historical Perspective in NJ • 2002 NJ HIB Law enacted mandating a district/school policy • 2007 Revised to include Cyber Bullying • 2009 Revised to include annual distribution and posting to the web • 2011 NEW NJ HIB Law enacted • aka “Anti Bullying Bill of Rights” • Broadest law in the United States

11. Who does what • Principal • Direct report • Anti Bullying Coordinator (ABC) • District overseer • Coordinator of Anti Bullying Specialists • Anti Bullying Specialist (ABS) • Investigator • Chair of School Safety/Climate Team • School Safety/Climate Team • Oversees “climate” of school: trends, trouble spots

12. Legal Expectation • All Board members, school employees, and volunteers and contracted service providers who have contact with pupils are required to report alleged violations of this Policy to the Principal or the Principal’s designee…

13. HIB Definition HIB means any gesture, any written, verbal or physical act, or any electronic communication, whether it be a single incident or a series of incidents, that: • is reasonably perceived as being motivated either by any actual or perceived characteristic, such as race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, or a mental, physical or sensory disability, or • by any other distinguishing characteristic “Electronic communication” means a communication transmitted by means of an electronic device, including, but not limited to, a telephone, cellular phone, computer, or pager.  

14. And that… • that takes place on school property, at any school-sponsored function, on a school bus, or off school grounds… that substantially disrupts or interferes with the orderly operation of the school or the rights of other students

15. And that… • A reasonable person should know, under the circumstances, that the act(s) will have the effect of physically or emotionally harming a pupil or damaging the pupil’s property, or placing a pupil in reasonable fear of physical or emotional harm to his/her person or damage to his/her property; or • Has the effect of insulting or demeaning any pupil or group of pupils; or • Creates a hostile educational environment for the pupil by interfering with a pupil’s education or by severely or pervasively causing physical or emotional harm to the pupil.

16. Reporting • There is a Standardized Timeline for response and report. • Unalterable • There are Standardized Forms • Report Form • Initial parent letter- Bully version & Target version • Investigation Report: Pupil Accused • Investigation Report: Non Pupil Accused • Interview Form (target, witness, accused)

17. Education • Parent Education • SB Parent Academy HIB Seminars (Fall) • Student Education • First Two Weeks (Age-appropriate definition, Off School Grounds, AUP & Cyber Bullying) • Week of Respect (10/3) • Violence & Vandalism Awareness Week (10/17) • Yearlong integration into all subjects

18. Final thoughts • Bullying is not conflict; it’s abuse. • Bullying thrives on silence. • Upstanders are the key. • Can’t judge a bully by how he/she looks. • HIB is about behavior. • HIB is about motivation. • Keep your eye on the “target.” • HIB is about how the target feels and reacts.

19. Our ABC and ABS Anti Bullying Coordinator (ABC) Judy McCormick Amy Bertelsen-Robles (IF/ DA) Lynne Sultan-Weinstein (MJ) Vicki Moses (XRDN) Scott Roth (XRDS) Anastasia Marcella (SBHS) • Jackie Turner (BA) • Alice Priano (BC/DE) • Peggy Ehrhardt (CA) • Amy Finkelstein (CO) • Lori Woods (GB) ANTI BULLYING SPECIALISTS (ABS)

20. Motivated by a Characteristic + Location (If off school grounds: must create a substantial disruption.) + Intent/Effect to harm HIB

21. What are the types of bullying? • Physical • Verbal • Social/Relational • Cyber

22. Who are the players in bullying? • The bully • The target/victim • The bystander • The upstander

23. The Bully May… • Get a feeling of excitement from the reaction of the targeted victim. • Thrive on feelings of dominance and power. • Possess low levels of empathy and compassion. • Have an inflated sense of self-worth.

24. The Target May… • Have been teased by other students and had an extreme reaction. • Be overly sensitive and show it. • Depend on adults for emotional support more than most their age. • Rarely report incidents of bullying. • Not believe adults can help.

25. Keep in mind… Sometimes the target is bullied for no apparent reason.

26. The Bystander DEFINITION: A person who is present but not involved. • Makes up approximately 85% of a school population ~ “the silent majority”. • Most ignored and underused resources in the schools. • Becomes desensitized over time (diminished empathy).

27. The Upstander DEFINITION: A person who is present and makes a decision to get involved. • Upstanders can make a difference! They can break the cycle of bullying.

28. Let’s watch…

29. If You Think Your Child May Be a Bully… • Keep an eye on your child’s media use. • Set limits and enforce consistent consequences. • Model and practice respect and empathy. • Utilize available counseling services for support. • Contact school administrators or a teacher. -> Refer to the orange pamphlet for more suggestions.

30. If You Think Your Child May Be a Target of Bullying… • Focus on your child. • Keep a log of the events with the help of your child. • Discourage retaliation. • Contact the school administration/counseling services. • Discuss appropriate emotional reactions and self-control. • Encourage your child to get involved in extracurricular activities. • Reinforce strategies taught in school. • Contact a trusted adult.

31. How to Help Your Child Become an Upstander • Encourage Empathy. • Talk to your child about what to do if they see bullying. • Role play scenarios with your child using these strategies.

32. Building Upstanders • Normalize fears and worries. • Emphasize strength in numbers. • Communicate the expectation to take action. • Teach skills and strategies to take a stand. • Notice and acknowledge caring behaviors.

33. Encourage good digital citizenship … Keep a record of events/messages or pictures. You will need them for the police or the ISP, or mobile phone company to trace the bully. 2 Think before you send pictures of someone via e-mail, or mobile phone. They can spread far beyond your circle of friends. 3 Don’t reply to abusive messages. That may only encourage the bully. 1 Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don’t let anyone else use it. 6 If you receive a rude image or text about someone else, do not forward it. You could be assisting a bully or breaking the law. 4 You have a right not to be harassed and bullied online. Make sure you tell someone. 5

34. What Parents Can Do • Remind children to keep their passwords a secret from everyone except you • Tell your children that it’s not their fault if they become victims of cyber bullying, but it is important for them to tell you if they become victimized

35. What Parents Can Do • Help victims keep a record of electronic bullying incidents • If the electronic bullying involves threats and harassment or frequent cyber-attacks, call the police to ensure your child’s safety

36. What Parents Can Do • Remember that cyber bullying incidents sometimes end violently. Although it is not possible to prevent cyber bullying, when we become aware of it, it is important to stop itas soon as possible!

37. Explicit Instruction: Home & School Partnership Code of Student Conduct: Core Values Annual Handbook Character Education: The Approach The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically... Intelligence plus character – that is the goal of true education. Martin Luther King Jr. Harassment, Intimidation & Bullying: State Legislation & District Policy

38. Activity The facilitator will read the book to your group. Identify the players: Who is the bully? The target? The bystanders? The upstanders? Answer the question at the end of the book. Is the situation HIB or not? We will share out with the large group.

39. Let’s welcome our students!

40. BULLY A person who uses his/her power unfairly to hurt someone.

41. TARGET A person who is picked-on by the bully

42. BYSTANDER A person who sees or knows of someone being bullied and chooses not to help stop the bullying.

43. UPSTANDER - A person who sees someone being bullied and makes a choice to say "stop" or  reports the bullying to a trusted adult. -The opposite of a bystander. A person who stands up. Not a person who stands by.

44. Activity The facilitator will read the book to your group. Identify the players: Who is the bully? The target? The bystanders? The upstanders? Answer the question at the end of the book. Is the situation HIB or not? We will share out with the large group.

45. Please complete the final survey questions and return it!Thanks! Closing Remarks

46. http://blogs.sbschools.org/sbpa/

47. Reply to the blog

48. Contact Information for Presenters • Judy McCormick, HIB Coordinator Judy.McCormick@sbschools.org • Amy Bertelsen-Robles, Indian Fields Amy.Bertelsen-Robles@sbschools.org • Amy Finkelstein, Constable Amy.Finkelstein@sbschools.org • Ann Jahr, Staff Developer for Technology Ann.Jahr@sbschools.org • Leslie Lillian, Deans Leslie.Lillian@sbschools.org • Cindy Patrych-Brotman, Greenbrook Cindy.Patrych-Brotman@sbschools.org • Alice Priano, Brooks Crossing Alice,Priano@sbschools.org