Difficult Conversations

1. Difficult Conversations The value of uncomfortable experiences in the search for professional competency Dr P. Culbertson

2. Difficult conversationsa productive approachHow to discuss what matters most Based on research by Carol Cardno

3. Practice leading to change Comfort Disequilibrium Threat Critical dialogue = a conversation that is simultaneously critical and collaborative

4. “Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world” Arthur Schopenhauer (1851)

5. Whatare thecharacteristics of a difficult conversation • Defensiveness • Covering up • Bypassing threat • Being indirect • Giving mixed messages • Withholding information Avoidance and control are the two major strategies of defensiveness

6. Reasoning Productive or defensive “Productive reasoning is based on what we call mutuality. Principles of shared control, shared thinking, shared evidence, shared planning for improvement and joint responsibility for monitoring” (Piggot Irvine & Cardno, 2006 ) “Defensive reasoning is the tendency to protect oneself from potential threat or embarrassment. Defensive routines are those behaviors which allow us to cover up or bypass threats” (Ibid)

7. Productive Reasoning Productive reasoning involves a balancing act between the two predominant features of advocacy and inquiry. Advocacy: supporting that position that in such a way that is both hypothetical and invites evaluation and challenge. Inquiry: checking our own and others perceptions in ways which reveal implicit and explicit assumptions Bilaterality (two sidedness): Informed mutual checking of meaning, understanding, perspective, and agreement, is central to the success of the approach.

9. The triple I approach I 3 e Information - focus on giving and getting quality information Disclose your position Illustration - explain the basis for making judgment, give examples Inquiry - ask relevantquestions toseek information - ask questions that check your assumptions

10. Overcoming defensiveness first involves looking at the way that we personally are implicated in the problem Eileen Piggot-Irvine 1995

11. Expressives Amiable Motivated by recognition acceptance Achievement security Driver Analytical

12. Un-learning “To un-learn defensive approachesyou have to become a reflective learner.” “You have to learn how to slow down or stop when you become aware that your normal approach is not producing a desired result.” Cardno

13. Reflective practiceDonald Schon Reflective practice is about focusing on action

14. How style impacts on climate Effective leaders develop the capacity to make judgments based on their knowledge of: • Themselves • The situation and the people involved • Each style and its capacity, demands and effects The quality of these judgments is strongly linked to Emotional Intelligence and its three pillars: • Self awareness • Empathy • Understanding of communication and relationship dynamics

15. Learning conversations “In learning conversations people recognise the importance of treating different accounts of a problem as a resource for learning better ways of thinking about or resolving a problem” Its about being open to learning from others and surfacing values, beliefs and assumptions. The drive in a learning conversation is for better quality thinking and reasoning” (Robinson & Lai, 2006)