BA 8

1. BA 8 Revising Introductions

2. Your completed assignment should contain the following: • A copy of your original introduction • Your revised introduction • A short summary and evaluation of your revisions, in which you identify and explain what you changed and why Before you start to revise, take a few minutes to review key elements of your Draft 1.1, such as your audience, purpose, and thesis statement. Your new introduction should reflect your consideration for each of these as well as indicate your understanding of what a rhetorical analysis accomplishes. Next, study your original introduction and any comments that your instructors or peer critiquers made about that introduction. Using this feedback along with your broader understanding of a rhetorical analysis, revise your original introduction so that it more effectively reaches your readers. BA8 The total length of the analysis should be 300-400 words, NOT including the original and revised introductions.

3. Please note that if you need to revise for coherence, emphasis, or conciseness, refer to Chs. 40 and 43 of your e-handbook. If you need to work on sentence structure, see Chs. 34-39. If you need to work on other grammatical and/or mechanical elements, consult the appropriate chapters. Tips

4. Focus: Does the student thoroughly examine the quality of the introduction and demonstrate an understanding of the function of an introduction? Does the student use this examination and understanding to guide his or her revisions to the introduction? Sources and Evidence: Does the student’s revised introduction show noticeable improvement? Does the student support his or her critique by directly referring to specific parts of his or her introduction? This criterion is particularly important because students tend to use vague and generic language that could apply to any draft. Own Perspective: Does the student show authority in relaying his or her perspective about what should be revised in the introduction and in justifying the effectiveness of the revisions that he or she has made? Conclusion: Does the student provide an accurate evaluative statement about the overall effectiveness of the revisions? Does the student discuss the significance of the revisions he or she has made in the introduction?  Communication: How effectively is the revised version of the introduction delivered? Does the student communicate his or her critique of the revisions effectively? Has the student organized his or her critique effectively? Are both the revised introduction and the critique relatively free of grammatical errors?  Scoring Guide

5. Opening with a quotation • Opening with an anecdote • Opening with a question • Opening with a strong opinion • Opening with a fact • See Ch5f1 in the St. Martin’s book Possible Intro intros

6. Purpose • Audience • Rhetorical Choices • Thesis • Publication Info/Author bio = Context (use to show how you arrive at audience) • Evaluative statement • “Persuades” over tells/shows/informs/discusses/ect. What could/do you need to revise?

7. Statistics from an article in the “U.S. News and World Report,” published in 2008, show that 40% of students admit to plagiarizing (Clark 74). This statistic emphasizes the importance of the problem with plagiarism and the need for change in teaching techniques in Freshman College English courses. In the same year, Scott Jaschik, co-founder of Inside Higher Ed, wrote the article “Winning Hearts and Minds in War on Plagiarism.” Jaschik writes about plagiarism in first year college English classes and argues that these professors need to consider students’ perspectives and incorporate new teaching methods in order to help fix the problem of plagiarism. Some primary claims Jaschik makes are: using students’ perspectives will help encourage academic integrity, professors need to have in-depth conversations about plagiarism with students, and restorative justice is a possible solution. Two secondary claims that Jaschik makes are that parroting back is ineffective and plagiarism-detecting software does not get to the root of the problem. In order to support his claims and accomplish his purpose, Jaschik uses emotional diction that shows anger, a rhetorical question, and examples of new teaching methods to successfully persuade college English professors to use new approaches to effectively stop plagiarism.

8. Who would think that cell phones and Kindles would create a new society unleashed from the past that would throw books into a museum and change how we think and how we learn and what we know? Sven Birkerts thinks so, and more importantly, he effectively argues that the use of these electronic devices will eventually lead to the death of the printed word and the acceptance of a socialistic state.Birkerts was a professor of writing at Harvard and is a critic of the effects of technology on people and society. In 1994, when personal computers and cell phones were in their infancy, he wrote The Gutenberg Elegies: The Fate of Reading in an Electronic Age, and the essay, “Into the Electronic Millennium,” is taken from that book. He wrote to his colleagues and other intellectuals to sound an alarm against the decline of reading, writing, historical knowledge, and personal privacy that will inevitably come to pass through the use of electronic devices. Birkerts’ purpose in writing is to show his audience that the technology everyone embraces will be the underlying cause for the slow death of traditional. Birkerts uses a sequence of contrasts, fearful imagery, and the repetition of gloomy, dreadful words to effectively convince his audience that electronic technology will destroy print and privacy.

9. Technology plays a major role in our lives. Today we have i-pads, e-readers, and laptops, which is highly advanced technology, but in 1994 most people did not have home computers and the internet was just beginning to grow. During this time, some people were cautious of the growing of technology. This is why Sven Birkerts, a Harvard English Professor, wrote an article in 1994 called “Into the Electronic Millennium” in which he discusses how the growth of technology influences certain aspects in our lives. Birkerts’ audience consists of English professionals in his community.. His purpose is to persuade his audience to continue to value privacy, to protect individuality and to encourage educators to be careful about using future technology when teaching because it might affect the way the students are learning as well as what they are learning. He wants to keep his audience mindful of these problems for when future technology comes.Birkertsuses comparison, anticipating objections, and an extended metaphor to effectively persuade other English professionals in his community to keep mindful of their privacy, individuality and what they use to teach their students as technology is growing to create an overall warning for his audience about future technology.

11. Replacing Wordy Phrases

12. If you and I have had a conversation regarding elements of your intro… Put that in your summary/evaluation. ESPECIALLY if you got conflicting comments from graders. “Though my grader thought I should focus on one aspect of my audience, I have met with my instructor, and he approved my audience of ____ as long as I take the measures to connect back to each group.”

13. Did you focus on your intro in your Revision Plan (BA7)? If so, you can use some of that – especially in your evaluation. If you modeled changes that you might make (like I told you to) then you can use that in your intro revision

14. “Re-Vision”

15. Activity 1 Write your introduction from memory. Do not look at your current copy. Write legibly please…

16. Activity 2 Give both introductions to your partner. Decipher what each introduction does well. Make an overall evaluative and discerning statement on the drafts.

17. Next Week Bring in one of your body paragraphs. Ideally, the one that needs the most work.