Communication Skills I: Relationship Building

1. Communication Skills I:Relationship Building PED 3133C January 17, 2011 mrichlin@uottawa.ca

2. Today • Speakers, possible reworking of topics • Summary of You • Brief Review of last week • More communication • Relationships in the classroom, fears? • Break • Your group sessions • Summary • Case Study

3. Your Responses • Subjects: • English 17 • History & Sciences 12 • Religious Studies 11 • Math 4 • Comp Science & French 3 • Geography & Physed 2 • Drama & Visual Art 1 • Coop Program 2

4. 3 mentioned children (young!) • 5 mentioned parents or family • Universities: Carleton Iran McGill Queens St Francis Trent Waterloo Western Windsor

5. Previous Work – wow! University Tutor Music Store Women’s Shelter Social Worker Swimming Instruc ESL in Korea Athletic Events Org. Youth Pastor Web/Graphic Design Student

6. Where are we from? • Ontario – Windsor to Cornwall, Toronto to Thunder Bay • Montreal, Nova Scotia • Big and Small –Toronto to Cobden

7. Wants: • Practical Issues • Theory • Ethics and Legalities

8. Communication • Three types: • Verbal – actual words • – very little effect on message sent • Paraverbal – how words are said • - 38 % • Nonverbal – the biggie, body language • - 55 % of what is perceived Need consistency in all 3!

9. Listening • Also part of the process • Put aside your own thoughts and agendas, put yourself in another’s shoes and try to see the world through that person’s eyes. “True listening requires that we suspend judgment, evaluation, and approval in an attempt to understand another’s frame of reference, emotions, and attitudes. Listening to understand is, indeed, a difficult task.” (Windle & Warren, Communication Skills, sec. 4, p. 3)

10. Active Listening • Truly being engaged in hearing the other person’s message • If you are actively listening, you should be tired by the time you finish a talk with someone

11. Active Listening • What are some traits of active listening ? • Stop talking, let someone else do a little talking • Eye contact • Watching & listening with your whole being, listening to their non verbal communication. • Concentration, focus • Be patient, let the speaker finish speaking & let yourself finish listening before speaking. Don’t interrupt; give them time to say what they are trying to say. If the speaker is having difficulty finding words you can help them find a word. • Understanding the intent, double-check the meaning. • Empathize with the person. Understand another's feelings. • Listening fully gives respect and power to both the speaker and listener. • Silence. A good listener is comfortable with silence.Silence makes people uncomfortable. It is filled with thought, and sometimes pain. Too often people are afraid to wait out the silence and jump in to fill it up with words. A good listener is comfortable with silence, and knows that it can bear much emotional fruit. Sometimes waiting out several minutes of silence will give the speaker a chance to dig deep for a much needed insight.Mastering the silence is an important achievement. (Stobbe, In the Moment, Workshop 4, 2003)

12. Paraphrasing, Reflecting and Summarizing • Techniques to confirm you are hearing the correct message. • What is the difference?

13. Questions • A closed question usually receives a single word or very short, factual answer • Open questions elicit longer answers. They usually begin with what, why, how. (Mind Tools.com, 2011)

14. Communication Skills • “Communication skills are the core of the helping process. (Long, 1996, p. 247) • “There may be no observation about communication skills that is more fundamental, and more far-reaching in its implications, than that they are developed and refined over time through implementation. Communication skills do not appear instantaneously, fully developed, and ready to be applied in persuading, comforting, or undertanding others.” (Greene & Burleson, 2003, p. 51)

15. Relationships – basic guidelines for effective interpersonal communication • Gather your thoughts and information before you initiate communication. • Never approach someone to discuss a topic when you are angry or upset. • Be prepared to give immediate, specific, and honest feedback in any interaction. • Realize that if a message is important enough for someone to verbalize, it is probably important to him or her.

16. Take time to send messages carefully and accurately to avoid misinterpretation. • Avoid trying to intimidate or pressure someone into action. • Strive for consistency in dealing with others. • Follow through on all commitments. • Admit your mistakes or take the blame when you create problems. • Be ready to assist others.

17. Provide credit and praise when others are responsible for successes. • Never criticize others in front of someone. • Respect confidences when others share information with you. • Judge people based on factors over which they have control, not on ones over which they do not (race, sex, age, ethnicity, etc.) (Lucas, 1994, pp. 14-15)

18. Case Study You notice Alex has been very down lately, lethargic, sleeping in class. This is not the first year you have taught him and know him as a very gregarious student, but also a good student. Now he is not doing homework, not participating in class… What are you options? What would you do?

19. Next Week • Communication Skills II: Engaging the Adolescent • Group Facilitation: Richard S Katrina H Dario A Andrea S Karen E Alex M

20. Sources • Greene, J.O. and B.R. Burleson, ed. (2003). Handbook of Communication and Social Interaction Skills. Mahwah, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associate, Publishers • Hargie, O., ed. (2006). Handbook of Communication Skills, 3rd ed. New York: Routledge Taylor & Francis Group. • Long, V.O. (1996). Communication Skills in Helping Relationships: A Framework for Facilitating Personal Growth. Pacific Grove: Brooks/Cole Publishing Company. • Lucas, R.W. (1994). Effective Interpersonal Relationships. New York: McGraw-Hill • Mucchielli, R. Face to Face in the Counselling Interview Trining in the human science: a course by Roger Mucchielli • http://www.in-themoment.com/workshop4.asp • http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_88.htm • http://www.thecounsellorsguide.co.ukReproduced courtesy of www.TheCounsellorsGuide.co.uk - a comprehensive guide for counsellors