Lying to the one you love: Deception in romantic relationships

1. Lying to the one you love: Deception inromantic relationships Candace DeSmet-Coonfield Ashley Faderewski Andrea Kopach Breanna Stephens

2. Introduction • Chose this topic because • Wecould relate to being deceived in previous relationships • Witnessed friends and family deal with the same relationship issues • Intriguing • Sought to discover reasons why people deceive in relationships based on three areas • Personal relationship history • Their views on deception in romantic relationships • How they felt emotionally if they had been cheated on/deceived

3. Literature Review Boon, S. D., & McLeod, B. A. (2001). Deception in romantic relationships: Subjective estimates of success at deceiving and attitudes toward deception. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18(4), 463-476. Romantic partners believed more than half of deceptive messages Even though many believed honesty was important for a successful relationships, it did not decrease the likelihood of the use of deception Level of confidence affected the decision about which strategy to use Sarcasm/joking perceived as easier &more moral way to deceive "conditional logic” Partners will avoid the truth if they think it will hurt their other's feelings or cause damage to the relationship

4. Literature Review Cole, T. (2001). Lying to the one you love: The use of deception in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18(1), 107-129. Common themes that tend to emerge reciprocity, avoidance & intimacy needs Participants with lower levels of commitment & relational satisfaction are more likely to think their partner is dishonest &in turn they themselves engage in deception In terms of avoidance, those who have partners who tend to respond to unwelcome information negatively are more likely to mislead their partners This use of deception leads to lower levels of intimacy & understanding

5. Literature Review Blair, T. M., Nelson, E. S., & Coleman, P. K. (2001). Deception, Power, and Self- Differentiation in College Students’ Romantic Relationships: An Exploratory Study. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 27(1), 57-71. Team examined 3 three forms of deception: Omission Withholding relevant information Distortion Manipulation of true information through exaggeration Contradiction Asserting information contradictory to the true information or explicitly denying the validity of the true information

6. Literature Review Blair, T. M., Nelson, E. S., & Coleman, P. K. (2001). Deception, Power, and Self- Differentiation in College Students’ Romantic Relationships: An Exploratory Study. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 27(1), 57-71. Goals Team interested in analyzing how different forms of deception functioned in different types of intimate relationships Intimate relationships that were reviewed were married couples, engaged couples, dating partners, and friends Wished to determine if particular types of deception were favored in different types of intimate relationships Results Found that gender differences between reported likelihood to use deception and sex found that females reported lower rates of deception than males Found that discovering deception within a relationship caused women greater negative emotional reactions than men Men were found to be more likely to use deception because they view telling a lie to a dating partner less seriously and may even see deception in general in a more playful light

7. Literature Review Feldman, S. S., Cauffman, E., Arnett Jensen, L., & Arnett, J. J. (2000). The (un)acceptability of betrayal: A study of college students' evaluations of sexual betrayal by a romantic p artnerand betrayal of a friend's confidence. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 499-523. Surveyed a group of 261 students ages eighteen to twenty-three  Examined their acceptance of betrayal and deception under varying circumstances as well as their tolerance of deviation.  Found that  deception was viewed as unacceptable in most scenarios by college students both male and female; however, the study found that both males and females viewed transgressions in a romantic relationship committed by females more negatively than transgressions committed by males  Most accepted justifications for sexual betrayal were that the partner was from a different culture, they fell in love with a new partner, or the partner had sex with someone else. The least accepted justifications were that the friends engaged in similar behavior or that the transgressor had gotten away with sexual deception once before. 

8. Research Questions • How favorable are individuals’ attitudes towards the use of deception in their romantic relationships and to what extent do such attitudes reflect conditional approval? • Do perceived respect, faithfulness and/or fear of abandonment in a relationship predict if deception occurs less or more frequently? • What types of things do partners usually lie about and what is the most common method used to lie? Also, what do participants believe as far as their partners’ habits of deception (e.g. what did they lie about and how)?

9. Methods • Survey on Vovici.com • Twenty-day period • Posted the link to the survey on each of our Facebook and Twitter accounts • The responses were all anonymous • Questions were all multiple choice • We opted out of open-ended questions in order to gain the most accurate responses as possible • The questions were decided upon using our background research and how they would help us gain answers to our three research questions.

10. Methods • 77 participants • Of the 77… • 31 were 18-20 (40.3%) • 25 were 21-23 (32.5%) • 18 were 24-30 (23.4%) • 3 were 30+ (3.9%) • 27 male & 49 female participants. • 42 (54.5%) were currently in a relationship, 30 were single (39%), 4 were married (5.2%) and 1 was divorced (1.3%). • Target audience: eighteen years old and up • includes college students and working professionals, whom we felt would have had the most experience with deception in romantic relationships • Challenges… • creating questions that would make sense to our respondents • important that our participants gave us the most accurate responses so we could eliminate variation

11. Results • RQ1- We asked participants to evaluate this statement. Besides the participants who answered not sure, the majority of the participants disagreed with the statement.

12. Results • RQ1 cont.- We also asked the participants how important honesty is. None of them related below a 7. Although most of the participants rated the importance of honesty very high, we learned that 76.6% have lied to their partner and 42.9 have cheated on their partner.

13. Results • RQ2- We discovered that fear of abandonment may cause deception to increase. However, we could not determine whether or not perceived respect predicts if deception occurs less or more frequently because even though the majority of the participants said they felt well respected, some of them still tended to lie and cheat.

14. Results • RQ3- We asked participants what they had lied about and told them to check all that apply. We learned that the most common thing the participants lied about is where they were. Also, we asked what method they used To lie and discovered that Face-to-face was the most common.

15. Results • RQ3 cont.- We asked participants if they thought their partner had lied to them, and 71.4% said yes. We asked what their partners had lied about, with where they were being the most common lie. We also asked how their partners lied and discovered that face-to-face was the most common with texting being the second most common. The participants and their partners committed deception by commission.

16. Discussion • A majority of our participants felt honesty was important, but a majority admitted to lying • Attitudes about honesty do not predict if one will like to their significant other • A little more than half felt that they were successful at deceiving their partners • Women may be more willing to admit using deception under anonymous circumstances • Majority of the respondents were women • Fear of abandonment is not significant enough to determine if one will lie

17. Discussion • Majority of the participants were aware partners had lied to them • Determined that if one had been cheated on, it was more likely they would lie • Concluded that that top three things lied about in relationships from either partner is location, friends, and sex, respectively • Face-to-face was the most common method of lying • We expected it to be on more impersonal terms, such as texting • People will experience the most positive relationships when they do not partake in deception, and when they can trust that their partner is honest as well

18. Thank you for listening! Any questions or comments?