Parents and Schools: Raising Good Kids Together

Parents and Schools: Raising Good Kids Together Unity School Parents January 2009

these slides at: www.csee.org/Documents/UL/usp09.ppt ds@csee.org

“Good Kids” have: Components of Moral Life • Empathy • Conscience • Altruism • Moral Reasoning

60-minute Plan • what is a good kid? • parent-school collaboration increases success • no calling higher than teacher, no responsibility greater than parent • 5 practices • 10 practical steps to implementation • Pick one, pick all to work on

Parenting Experts • Diana Baumrind, Berkeley Family Socialization Project • Marvin W. Berkowitz, Sanford N. McDonnell Professor of Character Education, UMSL • Thomas Lickona, Center for the 4th and 5th Rs (respect and responsibility), SUNY Cortland • Larry Nucci, Center for Moral Development, UIC • Marilyn Watson, National Teacher Education Project, Child Development Project

Domains of Social ReasoningLarry Nucci, Ph.D. • Moral Domain • Conventional Domain • Personal • Prudential (and why they matter)

Parenting StylesDiana Baumrind, Ph.D. • Unengaged • Authoritarian • Permissive • Authoritative (teaching styles, too)

Parenting Styles DEMANDINGNESS high low high NURTURANCE low

Unengaged • no preschooler optimally competent • Teens: • highest level of drug/alcohol abuse • highest depression, anxiety • lowest achievement scores

Permissive parents • children not self regulated, prosocial, achievement oriented • adolescents more likely to abuse drugs • permissiveness fosters dependency

Authoritarian parents • children gave into peer pressure • poorer academic skills • greater rates of anxiety, depression

Authoritive parents • More willing to try to change parents’ minds rather than defiant disobedience • More agentic, more community oriented

Authoritive vs Authoritarian • Authoritative use behavioral control (overt, confrontive, aims at compliance) • Authoritarian use behavioral AND psychological control (covert, intrusive, manipulative of world and child’s identity) • psychological control includes guilt induction, threats of loss of love

Wounding Words (Coercive) Cause more harm to good adjustment than harsh physical punishment

Parents should set high expectations 1 • expectations need to be communicated • expectation need to be realistic • expectations should be behavioral, academic, and moral

Expectations should be monitored 2 • are they being lived up to? • do then need adjustment? • are our kids taking us seriously? • use disciplinary situations to teach (i.e., low power assertion, physical punishment)

High level of nurturance 3 • the power of attachment • help is there when it’s needed • there is no doubt about availability • help is speedily and readily shown

Nurturance is “scaffolded” 4 • are there other skills my child needs in order to do what I am asking? • how much it too much? how much is too little? • what is my best guess reason for this misbehavior?

ModelingThomas Lickona, Ph.D. • One of the three main sources of moral motivation, (with empathy and principles) • Modeling is prominent in Good Things to Do

“Be the arrow you want to shoot” 5 • our kids are watching • actions speak louder than words • we are the most important moral tools in existence • practice what you preach, but preach what you practice

“We interrupt this program…” • you do not need to be a perfect parent • kids come in a variety of sizes, shapes, and temperaments • kids are amazingly resilient • we can teach further resilience • starting late is better than not starting

“Show how others fly” 6 • the people we bring into our homes • the “people” that enter through our TVs, our magazines, our discussions • why do we like / admire others? Why do we not like/ not admire some?

Induction is perhaps the single most powerful parental influence on children’s moral development Marvin W. BerkowitzMcDonnell Professor of Character Education,UMSL

Induction entails pointing out the child’s actions and effects, plus… expressing your concern about the behavior and the behavior’s implications for the child and others

Discipline with others in mind 7 • show concern for how our actions affect others • in discipline, link actions with consequences for others • this teaches moral reasoning skills

Encourage restitution after wrong 8 • teach the skills of restitution • encourage and support the acts of restitution • this is the “heart and hand” of the good kid

why the importance of induction? • It teaches or reinforces knowledge, with feeling • it links the self and others • it stimulates understanding of reasons for picking one course of action vs another • research links induction to greater empathy more highly developed conscience higher levels of moral reasoning altruism

“Good Kids”: Components of Moral Life • Empathy • Conscience • Altruism • Moral Reasoning

“Democratic Family Practices”= Meaningful Roles to Play • inclusion in discussions • decision making, or influencing

invite meaningful participation 9 • some family decisions are not for children • many decisions CAN be • listen deeply to opinions

teach skills and give chance to practice 10 • participation skills • problem solving skills • negotiation/peacemaking skills

moral reasoning fact: Adolescent moral reasoning is predicted positively by authoritative parenting style, negatively by permissive parenting (THUS: high standards, demands AND high levels of nurturance, support)

moral skills fact: Inclusive family practices not only make children feel more worthwhile and respected; equally important is that this is a valuable way to teach children goodness skills for later life

Action Plans • The power of parents • The power of schools and parents • We don’t have to be perfect • Pick an area to act, and then act!

Action Plans • And don’t give up, especially when the going gets tough. When it’s tough is when our kids need us most.

Parents and Schools: Raising Good Kids Together