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DEVELOPING RESILIENCY SKILLS TO MANAGE EMOTIONS

DEVELOPING RESILIENCY SKILLS TO MANAGE EMOTIONS. Kevin Harrington, PhD www.kevinharringtonphd.com. Joy. “Surely joy is the condition of life.” -Thoreau. Resilience. Keeping the container full. LIFE OF A TEENAGER. Stress at home, school and peers

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DEVELOPING RESILIENCY SKILLS TO MANAGE EMOTIONS

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  1. DEVELOPING RESILIENCY SKILLS TO MANAGE EMOTIONS Kevin Harrington, PhD www.kevinharringtonphd.com

  2. Joy “Surely joy is the condition of life.” -Thoreau

  3. Resilience Keeping the container full.

  4. LIFE OF A TEENAGER • Stress at home, school and peers • Depression and anxiety increasing at an alarming rate • Increase in suicide • Sleep, nutrition, exercise • Social Media • Socially isolated • Monkey brain

  5. What Erodes Resilience? • Body Imbalance and Toxicity • Monkey Brain • Not feeling connected to others

  6. Skills You Need Before You Go • Developing self-care skills • Developing non-critical view of self(compassion for self) • Ability to delay gratification • Ability to self calm-self soothe • Cognitive flexibility Problem solving skills Comfortable with failure • Internal locus of control Develop your dream • Mind-Body Heart Balance

  7. What your teen needs from you before leaving • Building their ship • Validating their ship anointing your teen • Managing our anxiety Did I do a good job? • Letting your teen struggle to develop internal resources • Helping your teen be comfortable with their full range of emotions • Nurturing their independence

  8. MIND-BODY-HEART BALANCE

  9. BRAIN BASICS • Back of brain-Reptilian Alert Flight/Flight/Freeze • Middle –Limbic system Emotional Hub High • Front- Judgment, planning, natural intelligence (Continues to develop until 25) • Memory • Plasticity of the brain Developing new brain pathways

  10. MOVING TO THE FRONT OF THE BRAIN • Calming the Body Nutrition, sleep, exercise BREATHE- BREATHE- BREATHE • Calming the Thoughts Discrimination skill “Turning off false alarms” “How big of deal is it?” • Calming the Emotions Triggering feelings of calm, competence, mastery”You have what it takes” • Calming the Spirit

  11. PHYSICAL BALANCE • Nutrition • Sleep • Exercise • Physical stamina • Energy level • Physical complaints

  12. BRAIN BALANCE • Internal conversations about selfand others Internal critic • Discrimination Skills- How big of deal is it? Turning off false alarms. • Cognitive flexibility- thinking outside the box, ability to focus, problem solving • Making a plan. • Positive expectancy Internal locus of control

  13. EMOTIONAL BALANCE • Self acceptance I am competent. I have what it takes. • Treat self with kindness • Forgiveness and Empathy • Gratitude and appreciation • Feeling I matter, I am delighted in, I am chosen, I am cherished • Feeling connected-part of the group.

  14. Triggers that set off your alarm • Your 3 biggest triggers • Your teens 3 biggest triggers • Signs you have been triggered- physical-mental –emotional • Signs your teen is triggered

  15. ADDING PAUSE THROUGHOUT THE DAY • Breathing throughout the day. Mini-breaks • Setting an intention for the day. Declaring what you want to grow • Pairing breathing with reviewing plan • Images associated with feelings you want to grow Reinforcing your competence

  16. Helping Your Teenager Learn to Pause • You pausing before each transition and discussion • Asking to talk in 5 minutes when asked a question • Taking a break anytime anyone is over a 3 • Are you sure you want to do that? (refusal) • Being clear about what is open for discussion • Stating what you want to happen with your teenager

  17. Pause • Ways you can pause • Ways to help your teen pause • Ways you can help your parent pause

  18. Emotional balance • Emotional tsunamis • Emotional regulation Interrupting the storm • Being able to tolerate unpleasant emotions • Triggering positive emotions • What you focus on is what you grow TWO WOLVES • Learning to take a different path • AUTO BIOGRAPHY

  19. The Two Wolves

  20. WHEN TO Help/When to Back Away • What happens if I help too much? • What happens if I don’t help enough? • Managing your anxiety • How to give the message “You have what it takes” • Identifying push back as anxiety • How to help your teen learn to manage their anxiety

  21. DEVELOPING CONNECTIONS • Self- Compassion for self, non-judgmental view of self, self-reflection, self correction • Family- siblings, parents, extended family MANDATORY FUN • Peers- friends, classmates, neighbors, teammates • Community- neighborhood, city, country, world, universe

  22. TECHNOLOGY • When is technology helpful? • When does it drain resiliency? • HELPFUL APPS

  23. Developing New Brain Pathways 51% Rule • Develop a practice • Mindfulness • Quieting monkey brain • Developing feelings of gratitude • Developing feelings of connection • Logistics Set yourself up for success One minute meditation

  24. MOVEMENT • Add movement to your day • Triggering the relaxation response • Changes the energy • Running, yoga, walking • Homework time

  25. TAKEAWAYS • Mind-Body Heart Balance • Turning off false alarms • Adding pause and movement to your day • Developing a non critical view of yourself • Developing connections

  26. TAKEAWAYS/PARENTS • Same as teens • Give the message “You have what it takes” by standing back when appropriate • Developing a ritual for time together

  27. Contact Info Kevin Harrington, PhD www.kevinharringtonphd.com 612-766-9255

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