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Gifted…and teenage, too: Striking the right balance at home and school

Gifted…and teenage, too: Striking the right balance at home and school. James R. Delisle, Ph.D. jim.delisle@yahoo.com. Your teen may be intellectually gifted, but other areas of development might not be quite as advanced. From a Freshman….

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Gifted…and teenage, too: Striking the right balance at home and school

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  1. Gifted…and teenage, too:Striking the right balance at home and school James R. Delisle, Ph.D. jim.delisle@yahoo.com

  2. Your teen may be intellectually gifted, but other areas of development might not be quite as advanced

  3. From a Freshman… • “My mind is going through different changes. One minute I’ll want to do one thing, the next I’ll have something completely different in mind. You’ll just have to bear with me until I get over it.”

  4. Wisdom from Leta Hollingworth, 1942 • “Children of very superior intelligence are not, as a group, socially annoying.” • “Many a reformer has died at the hands of the mob he was trying to improve.” • “It is hard for them to maintain silence when ideas press for utterance.” • “To have the intelligence of an adult and the emotions of a child combined in a childish body is to encounter certain difficulties.”

  5. Expect your gifted teen to want more freedom and independence than you are prepared to give.

  6. From a freshman… • “I have a system and I would appreciate if you acknowledged that.” • “When I’m taking a break, don’t harp on me to do stuff.”

  7. From the Delisle File… • “It’s not uncommon for gifted teens to be in the company of older people. So, when your 16 year old balks at a 10:00 p.m. weekend curfew, or your 15 year old reminds you that “I’m taking college courses so I don’t appreciate being treated like a kid”, take a few deep breaths before you respond. • “Use your teen’s past performance as a gauge for future freedoms. Start slowly—one or two concessions—and remind your teen that freedom is not given…it is earned.”

  8. There’s a reason your gifted teen has older friends…or wants them.

  9. Promote self-advocacy. Self-advocacy is the process of recognizing and meeting the needs specific to your learning ability without compromising the dignity of yourself or others. --Deb Douglas gtcarpediem.com

  10. Time management and organizational skills can’t be taught until they are needed.

  11. From the Delisle File • “Many gifted teens have never had to study or manage their time in elementary or middle school. But, when they hit high school…that all changes. When your gifted teen finally reaches the point of frustration and seeks help—or should—the best person to teach these skills is often another teen who already has them mastered.”

  12. Allow natural consequences. (The greater the force, the stronger the resistance.)

  13. From a freshman… • “Realize that when we get “not the best” grades that we still tried our hardest…and its not the end of the world. We realize how important our grades are and we want to keep them up. We don’t need the added stress and guilt about them.” • “Just accept the fact that we aren’t perfect…even though we are probably trying very hard to be.”

  14. From the Delisle File • “Punishments and contracts seldom work with gifted teens, but honest discussions about the importance of balance in one’s life is a great place to begin planting seeds of personal responsibility. A weekly time with your teen—one-on-one for 20 minutes—may help you connect in ways that both you and they thought they’d outgrown.” • “Natural consequences? They’re remembered long after the relief of a ‘parental rescue’ has subsided.”

  15. A gifted teen’s greatest enemy is lack of sleep.

  16. From the Delisle File • Crankiness, listlessness and generally unattractive attitudes are a direct result of lack of sleep. Find methods of relaxation—yoga, deep breathing, daily exercise, quiet music, reading a boring book—to help your teen get the 8 hours of sleep/night that is sadly lacking for most of them. Too, if you are a constantly sleep-deprived parent, this sends a message to your teen—the wrong message.

  17. Walk away from incivility. (Moodiness doesn’t have a logical base.)

  18. From a freshman… • “I may not always be in the best mood a lot of the time. I hope you can realize we’re not trying to act like brats, just that we do get stressed out.” • “Stress comes naturally with a program like ours. If your child is moody, snappy or otherwise unpleasant, don’t think too much of it.” • “We want you to know that we love you even though we can act angry and get overwhelmed.”

  19. From the Delisle File • Don’t fight your gifted teen when nothing worthwhile is being accomplished. Say something like, “I don’t believe we’re accomplishing much right now. We’ll discuss this at another time.” When your teen’s mood is especially foul, ask him/her to H.A.L.T. If they are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, ask that they tend to these needs before proceeding any further with their day. When they do, the moodiness often goes away.

  20. Your gifted teen needs more time alone than you think they do.

  21. Intensity of Thought “I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind . . .At these times . . .I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one’s mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one’s leisure.” --Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potterand the Goblet of Fire,2000

  22. Understand that less than perfection is more than acceptable.

  23. From a freshman… • “Just because it is not an “A” does not mean I didn’t try.” “I am not always going to “do better next time.”

  24. It’s OK for gifted teens to not know what they want to be “…when they grow up.”

  25. The art of living well • “Whatever you plan to do, whether you plan to travel the world next year, go to graduate school, join the workforce, or take some time off to think, don’t just listen to your head, listen to your heart. It is the best career counselor there is…

  26. “Do what you really love to do and if you don’t know quite what that is yet, well, keep searching, because if you find it, you’ll bring that something extra to your work that will help ensure you will not be automated or outsourced. It’ll help make you an untouchable radiologist, an untouchable engineer, or an untouchable teacher.” --Thomas Friedman

  27. Continue to be a parent • .

  28. From a freshman… • “Assure me that you’ll support me through everything and that your love is unconditional.” • “It’s probably as stressful to be you as it is for me to be me.” • “Even if my results aren’t as good as they were in middle school, I’m trying to make you guys proud.”

  29. 1,000 40 1,000 30 1,000 20 1,000 10 -------------- 4,100

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