Children Living with Domestic Violence

1. Children Living with Domestic Violence Presented by Vicki Ybanez Red Wind Consulting, Inc. Colorado Springs, Colorado

2. 2 DV exists in Indian Country today Examining the history of oppression that laid the groundwork for the rise of violence against Native women show us that efforts to end the domestic violence faced by women across Indian Country today are still in their infancy. �You must be able to see where you have been, before you can possibly know where you want to go.� ~ Muscogee Creek In order to end domestic violence in all its forms, we must understand why it exists in Indian Country today, and assess our current challenges in addressing the issue. When we examine the reasons behind the presence of domestic violence in Native communities, we must first consider its historical origins... Domestic violence in Native society came about over the course of centuries of change. Examining the history of oppression that laid the groundwork for the rise of violence against Native women shows us that efforts to end the domestic violence faced by women across Indian Country today are still in their infancy. �You must be able to see where you have been, before you can possibly know where you want to go.� ~ Muscogee Creek In order to end domestic violence in all its forms, we must understand why it exists in Indian Country today, and assess our current challenges in addressing the issue. When we examine the reasons behind the presence of domestic violence in Native communities, we must first consider its historical origins... Domestic violence in Native society came about over the course of centuries of change. Examining the history of oppression that laid the groundwork for the rise of violence against Native women shows us that efforts to end the domestic violence faced by women across Indian Country today are still in their infancy. �You must be able to see where you have been, before you can possibly know where you want to go.� ~ Muscogee Creek

3. 3 Erosion of Tribal Law The boarding school era began Tribal nations had full jurisdiction over all crimes, evidence indicates that investigation and prosecution were thorough and victim-centered Creek Rape Law � 1824 �And be it farther enacted if any person or persons should undertake to force woman and did it by force, it shall be left to woman what punishment she should be satisfied with to whip or pay what she say it be law.� Boarding schools The United States government also attempted to assimilate indigenous people into the mainstream of American life by changing customs, dress, occupations, language, religion and philosophy. Boarding schools were a federally sanctioned practice that transpired over the course of 100 years. In 1928, the Merriam Report to Congress outlined the harsh treatment of Native children in boarding schools and the outrageous behavior of school authorities toward Indian children. [i] Native people have been raised by institutions (the boarding schools) and subjected to inhumane treatment for multiple generations. This has led to the loss of traditional cultural values, Native identity and the internalization of oppression. [i] UOHSC. 1997. Intended to assimilate Native people into mainstream society and eradicate Native cultures, became integral components of American Indian identities and eventually fueled the drive for political and cultural self-determination in the late twentieth century. David Wallace Adams� Education for Extinction: American Indians and the Boarding School Experience, 1875-1928. Cultural struggle. Through the boarding schools, reformers, educators, and federal agents waged cultural, psychological, and intellectual warfare on Native students as part of a concerted effort to turn Indians into "Americans." School administrators and teachers cut children's hair; changed their dress, their diets, and their names; introduced them to unfamiliar conceptions of space and time; and subjected them to militaristic regimentation and discipline. Educators suppressed tribal languages and cultural practices and sought to replace them with English, Christianity, athletic activities, and a ritual calendar intended to further patriotic citizenship. They instructed students in the industrial and domestic skills appropriate to European American gender roles and taught them manual labor. For many Indian children, this cultural assault led to confusion and alienation, homesickness and resentment. Resistance�Unable to break the emotional bonds between parents and children, or bonds between children and their tribal communities and traditions. Parents loved their children deeply; they worried about their health and safety; and they found ways to influence their educational experiences. They learned which arguments would convince administrators to send their children home for the summer, and they visited them at school whenever possible. Furthermore, they kept their children informed of local births, deaths, and ceremonies, thus anchoring them in community life and tribal culture. Through letters, parents questioned the schools' regimentation, discipline, excessive physical labor, poor nutrition and sanitation, overcrowding, and rampant disease. They sometimes harbored runaways and refused to send their own children to boarding school when they remained unconvinced it was in their best interests. Where Do We Go from Here? Keep the boarding school experience in mind when you interact with American Indian parents. Understand that the wariness some parents feel toward schools, teachers and �government systems� is legitimate. Respect those feelings. Examine how the policy of assimilating Indians is still imbedded today. Might your institution still be killing the Indian to save the man? Remedy the gaps in your own education. American Indian technologies and ideas were excluded from education, just as they were in boarding schools. We can�t teach information that we never learned. Understand that the indigenous knowledge of American Indians is relevant to modern life. Try living without corn, peppers, tomatoes, potatoes, rubber, quinine, the number zero, and Interstate highways that were built over Indian trails. Spread the word about the accomplishments of American Indians in the areas of science, technology, agriculture, medicine, and political science. Acknowledging the rich heritage of American Indian inventiveness can be as simple as mentioning one American Indian accomplishment each day.Boarding schools The United States government also attempted to assimilate indigenous people into the mainstream of American life by changing customs, dress, occupations, language, religion and philosophy. Boarding schools were a federally sanctioned practice that transpired over the course of 100 years. In 1928, the Merriam Report to Congress outlined the harsh treatment of Native children in boarding schools and the outrageous behavior of school authorities toward Indian children. [i] Native people have been raised by institutions (the boarding schools) and subjected to inhumane treatment for multiple generations. This has led to the loss of traditional cultural values, Native identity and the internalization of oppression. [i] UOHSC. 1997. Intended to assimilate Native people into mainstream society and eradicate Native cultures, became integral components of American Indian identities and eventually fueled the drive for political and cultural self-determination in the late twentieth century. David Wallace Adams� Education for Extinction: American Indians and the Boarding School Experience, 1875-1928. Cultural struggle. Through the boarding schools, reformers, educators, and federal agents waged cultural, psychological, and intellectual warfare on Native students as part of a concerted effort to turn Indians into "Americans." School administrators and teachers cut children's hair; changed their dress, their diets, and their names; introduced them to unfamiliar conceptions of space and time; and subjected them to militaristic regimentation and discipline. Educators suppressed tribal languages and cultural practices and sought to replace them with English, Christianity, athletic activities, and a ritual calendar intended to further patriotic citizenship. They instructed students in the industrial and domestic skills appropriate to European American gender roles and taught them manual labor. For many Indian children, this cultural assault led to confusion and alienation, homesickness and resentment. Resistance�Unable to break the emotional bonds between parents and children, or bonds between children and their tribal communities and traditions. Parents loved their children deeply; they worried about their health and safety; and they found ways to influence their educational experiences. They learned which arguments would convince administrators to send their children home for the summer, and they visited them at school whenever possible. Furthermore, they kept their children informed of local births, deaths, and ceremonies, thus anchoring them in community life and tribal culture. Through letters, parents questioned the schools' regimentation, discipline, excessive physical labor, poor nutrition and sanitation, overcrowding, and rampant disease. They sometimes harbored runaways and refused to send their own children to boarding school when they remained unconvinced it was in their best interests. Where Do We Go from Here? Keep the boarding school experience in mind when you interact with American Indian parents. Understand that the wariness some parents feel toward schools, teachers and �government systems� is legitimate. Respect those feelings. Examine how the policy of assimilating Indians is still imbedded today. Might your institution still be killing the Indian to save the man? Remedy the gaps in your own education. American Indian technologies and ideas were excluded from education, just as they were in boarding schools. We can�t teach information that we never learned. Understand that the indigenous knowledge of American Indians is relevant to modern life. Try living without corn, peppers, tomatoes, potatoes, rubber, quinine, the number zero, and Interstate highways that were built over Indian trails. Spread the word about the accomplishments of American Indians in the areas of science, technology, agriculture, medicine, and political science. Acknowledging the rich heritage of American Indian inventiveness can be as simple as mentioning one American Indian accomplishment each day.

4. 4 Present times� Native communities working to reclaim traditional values in their efforts to end violence against Indian women Seeing higher rates of battered women arrested Battered women being held accountable for the batterer�s violence resulting in continued removal of children Ahead of us is an overriding challenge to undo a history that supports rape and violence against Native women, and to create one that strives toward both the physical survival and cultural survival of Native people. �Navajo poet Luci Tapahonso read the following during the 1991 Modern Language Association�s annual convention: I am, I amIn wisdom I walkIn beauty may I walk�In beauty it is restored. The light, the dawn. It is morning. As she read, my heart was lifted in recognition of our power, our magnificent life. I am Laguna, woman of the lake, daughter of the dawn, sunrise, kurena. I can see the light making the world anew. It is the nature of my blood and heritage to do this. There is surely cause to weep, to grieve; but greater than ugliness, the endurance of tribal beauty is our reason to sing, to greet the coming day and the restored life and hope it brings.� Developing relevant responses that work at reclaiming pre-contact values that restore harmony and balance to Native communities shaken by a history of oppression is on the forefront for progressing the work to end violence against Indian women. Developing Native specific programs that intervene in men�s use of violence must adapt an educational approach that centers the belief that violence is learned behavior evolving from a history of oppression and can be un-learned. Much of the work in men�s groups working with Native men need to emphasize the relationships within family and community by incorporating teachings of respect, acknowledging and honoring the roles of men and women and restoring natural ways of living. With well over 500 federally recognized Tribes, there are barely 26 Native specific shelters in existence today with a few more in development. Efforts must support the development and ongoing operation of shelters across Indian Country. In the work to end violence against Indian women, many Native nations are finding that shelter options alone do not provide the time or the stability for women to create a solid base for change in their lives. Longer-term housing and affordable permanent housing that goes beyond the physical structure needs to create opportunities for battered women leaving abusive relationships to live in a community that extends safety, support and a place to work toward reclaiming their connections with themselves and each other. There are many jurisdictional complexities and limitations in Indian Country. The confusing division of authority among tribal, federal and state governments which results in a jurisdictional maze is complicated by the lack of tribal courts� criminal jurisdiction over non-Indians, the practical impact of Public Law 280 and other limitations on tribal criminal jurisdiction. The difficulty of determining jurisdiction, and provisions for concurrent jurisdiction of certain cases, can cause conflict and confusion for law enforcement, prosecution, courts, service providers, and crime victims in Indian Country. Struggles around the effectiveness of criminal justice responses, its historical legacy that has a disproportionate number of Native Americans confined in the United States and a search for alternative justice solutions pose significant challenges for future work. A restorative justice movement is growing in both mainstream and indigenous communities and it brings significant concerns that must be weighted heavily in deciding if and how this work ties to domestic violence efforts. There are grave concerns about how restorative justice or community justice efforts place greater power with the community. A culturally appropriate justice system cannot simply be achieved by ensuring more community members be involved. While restoring community responsibility affirms traditional Native values, many communities lack the social structure to support shifts of power into the hands of their community. In addition, the power imbalance in relationships where domestic violence is taking place precludes an ability to involve victims of domestic violence in processes where they have equal footing with their abuser. There are a significant number of issues to be examined; exploring restorative justice alternatives must consider heavily these issues before deciding if it is an appropriate alternative. Ahead of us is an overriding challenge to undo a history that supports rape and violence against Native women, and to create one that strives toward both the physical survival and cultural survival of Native people. �Navajo poet Luci Tapahonso read the following during the 1991 Modern Language Association�s annual convention: I am, I amIn wisdom I walkIn beauty may I walk�In beauty it is restored. The light, the dawn. It is morning. As she read, my heart was lifted in recognition of our power, our magnificent life. I am Laguna, woman of the lake, daughter of the dawn, sunrise, kurena. I can see the light making the world anew. It is the nature of my blood and heritage to do this. There is surely cause to weep, to grieve; but greater than ugliness, the endurance of tribal beauty is our reason to sing, to greet the coming day and the restored life and hope it brings.� Developing relevant responses that work at reclaiming pre-contact values that restore harmony and balance to Native communities shaken by a history of oppression is on the forefront for progressing the work to end violence against Indian women. Developing Native specific programs that intervene in men�s use of violence must adapt an educational approach that centers the belief that violence is learned behavior evolving from a history of oppression and can be un-learned. Much of the work in men�s groups working with Native men need to emphasize the relationships within family and community by incorporating teachings of respect, acknowledging and honoring the roles of men and women and restoring natural ways of living. With well over 500 federally recognized Tribes, there are barely 26 Native specific shelters in existence today with a few more in development. Efforts must support the development and ongoing operation of shelters across Indian Country. In the work to end violence against Indian women, many Native nations are finding that shelter options alone do not provide the time or the stability for women to create a solid base for change in their lives. Longer-term housing and affordable permanent housing that goes beyond the physical structure needs to create opportunities for battered women leaving abusive relationships to live in a community that extends safety, support and a place to work toward reclaiming their connections with themselves and each other. There are many jurisdictional complexities and limitations in Indian Country. The confusing division of authority among tribal, federal and state governments which results in a jurisdictional maze is complicated by the lack of tribal courts� criminal jurisdiction over non-Indians, the practical impact of Public Law 280 and other limitations on tribal criminal jurisdiction. The difficulty of determining jurisdiction, and provisions for concurrent jurisdiction of certain cases, can cause conflict and confusion for law enforcement, prosecution, courts, service providers, and crime victims in Indian Country. Struggles around the effectiveness of criminal justice responses, its historical legacy that has a disproportionate number of Native Americans confined in the United States and a search for alternative justice solutions pose significant challenges for future work. A restorative justice movement is growing in both mainstream and indigenous communities and it brings significant concerns that must be weighted heavily in deciding if and how this work ties to domestic violence efforts. There are grave concerns about how restorative justice or community justice efforts place greater power with the community. A culturally appropriate justice system cannot simply be achieved by ensuring more community members be involved. While restoring community responsibility affirms traditional Native values, many communities lack the social structure to support shifts of power into the hands of their community. In addition, the power imbalance in relationships where domestic violence is taking place precludes an ability to involve victims of domestic violence in processes where they have equal footing with their abuser. There are a significant number of issues to be examined; exploring restorative justice alternatives must consider heavily these issues before deciding if it is an appropriate alternative.

5. The use of violence in an intimate relationship has different intents 5 Battering � System of power and control � Includes: � Fear � Threats � Intimidation � Coercion � Battering tactics � Social movement Reactive Violence � Substantial numbers of victims of battering use force against the batterer � May not legally qualify as self-defense � Victim�s violence usually different � Less sympathy � Different impact � individual and social Situational � The violence is related to a situation � Not part of a larger system of controlling tactics � No pattern of dominance � Battering looks like this if the pattern is invisible Pathological � Violence is due to some kind of illness � Mental health � Alcohol � Drugs � Brain injury � Not typically part of system of controlling tactics � Because a person�s violence is linked to a pathology does not preclude that its intent can also be to batter, to resist battering, or to control a situation Why is understanding intent important: � Help us to differentiate among acts of violence � Help us to determine most appropriate response � Not getting it right could be dangerous Battering � System of power and control � Includes: � Fear � Threats � Intimidation � Coercion � Battering tactics � Social movement Reactive Violence � Substantial numbers of victims of battering use force against the batterer � May not legally qualify as self-defense � Victim�s violence usually different � Less sympathy � Different impact � individual and social Situational � The violence is related to a situation � Not part of a larger system of controlling tactics � No pattern of dominance � Battering looks like this if the pattern is invisible Pathological � Violence is due to some kind of illness � Mental health � Alcohol � Drugs � Brain injury � Not typically part of system of controlling tactics � Because a person�s violence is linked to a pathology does not preclude that its intent can also be to batter, to resist battering, or to control a situation Why is understanding intent important: � Help us to differentiate among acts of violence � Help us to determine most appropriate response � Not getting it right could be dangerous

7. Features of Institutions� Tiers of specialization Texts rule Use of categories replace the actuality of experience Lived time vs. institutional time Function supersedes need Communication without dialogue Discourses frame workers thinking on a case The tyranny of the universal client Limited resources fail people but we can�t talk about it that way Multiple sites of power and weak system of accountability Features of institutions that almost always cause problems for women Make connections to women�s and children�s lives as examples Tiers of specialization (refer to The Story of Rachael) break person into different administrative processes�criminal case�custody case�child protection case break case into different steps assign a specialist to work on each step treat subsequent events as separate cases Texts rule A) Case file becomes the institutional representation of what is going on (need up front Angelina's file where worker documents why kids need to be placed) (flora smiths police report) B) texts are used as standardizing instruments to coordinate workers thinking and actions on a case( sue is getting four of these) C) texts act�they do something to a case�screen �prioritize�categorize� (handout PSI in Duluth) The use of categories replace the actuality of experience by naming something dissimilar events are lumped together and treated as the same thing�domestic violence�misdemeanor�recanting victim Categories connect situations through the discourse as opposed to based on the actualities of what is going on. (three examples have each person think of how they use categories in their job or a case they worked on where the category was a problem) Handout Donald Dutton�la prairie�flora smith Lived time vs. institutional time there is a disjuncture between the time in which people live their daily lives and the time that institutions operate on to process cases�(911 and police in a domestic operate on lived (real) time from then on the case moves into institutional time� It takes 9-10 months to process an assault case even though the actual time spent on the case by various practitioners is 6-15 hours. Practitioners are oriented toward their job function over the need in the case�success is measured by whether or not they did their task properly rather than whether or not what they did helped in the case. Practitioners as representatives of the state can�t function outside of a narrow course of activity even when circumstances call for a different intervention or action than is within this practitioners scope of activity (Beth�s reality and tammies chart) Function supersedes need three calls by sheriff Communication without dialogue people become data points in their own life situation�practitioners gather information from victims or people involved in these �cases� and from that information make it institutionally relevant. There is no give and take and reflection and contemplation and shared analysis and then a decision with people in these cases. Even what would you like to have happen is not to do that but to record and account for the victims wishes in a pre-determined way that is relevant to the institutions handling of the case i.e. do you want to prosecute is to find out if she is a �cooperative witness) not to engage in a decision about whether she will benefit from a prosecution. Communication between practitioners and people is mediated and filtered through forms�rules�directives�liability concerns�function of the intervention�etc� (police interview�Angelina case notes) Discourses frame workers thinking on a case ideological circles�there is a discourse i.e. battering is about a lack of communication skills�there is a man who has hit a woman�.he is asked what were you trying to communicate�he says my frustrations�conclusion he couldn�t communicate his frustrations and therefore hit her�there is no place outside of the discourse this practitioners is linked to that will account for what is going on. Administrative steps are linked to frameworks of intervention linked to a discourse�for example �A child protection worker steps into a case where a woman is being beaten and the child is being traumatized by witnessing the abuse of his mother�the discourse of child protection is embedded in the notion of proper parenting�the mother and the father are given parenting assessments�the case is framed within the discourse of parenting� (See above but it goes here) The tyranny of the universal client institutions operate from abstracted notions of an idealized universal person. Again these idealized notions are created in the discourse and then real people living in the real world are treated in relationship to these idealized characters. For example, a mothers living in poverty, subjected to racism in all aspects of her existence is given a parenting assessment evaluation based on the idea of a universal standard of best practices as parents. The assessment is imbued with the assumption that parents have equal time and resources to give to our children. It assumes that there is a proper way to talk to children about things like family conflict, it assumes an ideal way to discipline children, feed children�in whose care to leave children�etc�. the application of a policy to people of different social status is not accounted for easily in institutions�i.e. �a mandatory arrest policy impacts both the arrested person and the victim differently depending on immigration, job, community status. Limited resources fail people but we can�t talk about it that way A) institutions do not document the failure of the state or community or agency to provide an adequate response to a case. When such a failure produces problematic results the lack of resources disappears as an explanation leaving the finger pointing to the institutional client or fate. Multiple sites of power and weak system of accountability Features of institutions that almost always cause problems for women Make connections to women�s and children�s lives as examples Tiers of specialization (refer to The Story of Rachael) break person into different administrative processes�criminal case�custody case�child protection case break case into different steps assign a specialist to work on each step treat subsequent events as separate cases Texts rule A) Case file becomes the institutional representation of what is going on (need up front Angelina's file where worker documents why kids need to be placed) (flora smiths police report) B) texts are used as standardizing instruments to coordinate workers thinking and actions on a case( sue is getting four of these) C) texts act�they do something to a case�screen �prioritize�categorize� (handout PSI in Duluth) The use of categories replace the actuality of experience by naming something dissimilar events are lumped together and treated as the same thing�domestic violence�misdemeanor�recanting victim Categories connect situations through the discourse as opposed to based on the actualities of what is going on. (three examples have each person think of how they use categories in their job or a case they worked on where the category was a problem) Handout Donald Dutton�la prairie�flora smith Lived time vs. institutional time there is a disjuncture between the time in which people live their daily lives and the time that institutions operate on to process cases�(911 and police in a domestic operate on lived (real) time from then on the case moves into institutional time� It takes 9-10 months to process an assault case even though the actual time spent on the case by various practitioners is 6-15 hours. Practitioners are oriented toward their job function over the need in the case�success is measured by whether or not they did their task properly rather than whether or not what they did helped in the case. Practitioners as representatives of the state can�t function outside of a narrow course of activity even when circumstances call for a different intervention or action than is within this practitioners scope of activity (Beth�s reality and tammies chart) Function supersedes need three calls by sheriff Communication without dialogue people become data points in their own life situation�practitioners gather information from victims or people involved in these �cases� and from that information make it institutionally relevant. There is no give and take and reflection and contemplation and shared analysis and then a decision with people in these cases. Even what would you like to have happen is not to do that but to record and account for the victims wishes in a pre-determined way that is relevant to the institutions handling of the case i.e. do you want to prosecute is to find out if she is a �cooperative witness) not to engage in a decision about whether she will benefit from a prosecution. Communication between practitioners and people is mediated and filtered through forms�rules�directives�liability concerns�function of the intervention�etc� (police interview�Angelina case notes) Discourses frame workers thinking on a case ideological circles�there is a discourse i.e. battering is about a lack of communication skills�there is a man who has hit a woman�.he is asked what were you trying to communicate�he says my frustrations�conclusion he couldn�t communicate his frustrations and therefore hit her�there is no place outside of the discourse this practitioners is linked to that will account for what is going on. Administrative steps are linked to frameworks of intervention linked to a discourse�for example �A child protection worker steps into a case where a woman is being beaten and the child is being traumatized by witnessing the abuse of his mother�the discourse of child protection is embedded in the notion of proper parenting�the mother and the father are given parenting assessments�the case is framed within the discourse of parenting� (See above but it goes here) The tyranny of the universal client institutions operate from abstracted notions of an idealized universal person. Again these idealized notions are created in the discourse and then real people living in the real world are treated in relationship to these idealized characters. For example, a mothers living in poverty, subjected to racism in all aspects of her existence is given a parenting assessment evaluation based on the idea of a universal standard of best practices as parents. The assessment is imbued with the assumption that parents have equal time and resources to give to our children. It assumes that there is a proper way to talk to children about things like family conflict, it assumes an ideal way to discipline children, feed children�in whose care to leave children�etc�. the application of a policy to people of different social status is not accounted for easily in institutions�i.e. �a mandatory arrest policy impacts both the arrested person and the victim differently depending on immigration, job, community status. Limited resources fail people but we can�t talk about it that way A) institutions do not document the failure of the state or community or agency to provide an adequate response to a case. When such a failure produces problematic results the lack of resources disappears as an explanation leaving the finger pointing to the institutional client or fate. Multiple sites of power and weak system of accountability

8. 8 A Quiet Crisis in Indian Country �The magnitude of need for services in Indian Country clearly indicates that the federal government has failed [its] responsibility. Tribes fulfilled their promises when they ceded their lands, but the federal government has yet to fulfill its promises.� US Commission on Civil Rights July, 2003 �I want to be remembered for emphasizing the fact that we have indigenous solutions to our problems.� Wilma Mankiller ~ Cherokee Friends Committee on National Legislation, �Federal Spending and the Trust Responsibility,� Feb. 28, 2001, as quoted in �A Quiet Crisis in Indian Country� etc Solutions Enlist leadership/advice from Native women and the 14 tribal coalitions Identify jurisdictional issues in your state Establish core relationships with tribes and Native women in your state Funnel money to tribes and urban Native programs Friends Committee on National Legislation, �Federal Spending and the Trust Responsibility,� Feb. 28, 2001, as quoted in �A Quiet Crisis in Indian Country� etc Solutions Enlist leadership/advice from Native women and the 14 tribal coalitions Identify jurisdictional issues in your state Establish core relationships with tribes and Native women in your state Funnel money to tribes and urban Native programs

9. 9 What Do Kids Need? Help to strengthen the mother-child relationship that has been harmed as a result of a batterer�s behavior Systems advocacy Our own agencies Tribal communities and in surrounding communities� Work to create a healing environment Co-occurrence: Battering and Child Abuse Child fatality studies show mother a victim of domestic violence (24-43%) Child abuse cases show violence against mother 28-59% Studies report 49-70% of men who batter abuse the children as well Co-occurrence: Battering and Child Abuse Child fatality studies show mother a victim of domestic violence (24-43%) Child abuse cases show violence against mother 28-59% Studies report 49-70% of men who batter abuse the children as well

10. 10 Impact of the Batterer Impact of the batterer on the family Impact continues as long as child is exposed to a perpetrator of domestic violence who continues to abuse Impact of exposure varies by the level of violence in the home, the degree of a child�s exposure and the presence of other risk and protective factors Effective intervention must include protecting battered mother & holding perpetrator accountable

11. 11 Successful interventions in cases of battering that involve children� Weaken the batterer�s opportunity and inclination to abuse the mother and the children Strengthen the positive aspects of the mother�s and child�s lives that enable them to resist the abuse and its effects (including strengthening their relationship with each other)

12. 12 Batterer�s Impact on the mother-child relationship Undermining the mother Directly Interfering with the mother�s parenting Indirectly interfering with the mother�s parenting UNDERMINING THE MOTHER Overruling the mothers decisions Ridiculing the mother in front of the children Telling the children that she is incompetent or unsafe Directly interfering with the mothers parenting Preventing the mother from providing parental care Preventing the mother from comforting the child Indirectly interfering with the mothers parenting A mother who is struggling with the experience of being battered may find it difficult to be an engaged, energetic parent, to focus attention on her children, and to keep track of the variety of details that child care and schooling require. UNDERMINING THE MOTHER Overruling the mothers decisions Ridiculing the mother in front of the children Telling the children that she is incompetent or unsafe Directly interfering with the mothers parenting Preventing the mother from providing parental care Preventing the mother from comforting the child Indirectly interfering with the mothers parenting A mother who is struggling with the experience of being battered may find it difficult to be an engaged, energetic parent, to focus attention on her children, and to keep track of the variety of details that child care and schooling require.

13. 13 A Responsible Father�  Anybody who assaults or rapes a child�s mother is not a responsible parent The Batterer as Role Model In homes where a batterer lives: 8 times as many physical threats as in nonviolent homes 5 times as many control tactics 4 times as much sexual coercion The Batterer as Role Model In homes where a batterer lives: 8 times as many physical threats as in nonviolent homes 5 times as many control tactics 4 times as much sexual coercion

14. 14 Children �Living� With or Exposed to a Batterer�s Violence Extremes in behaviors Regressive behaviors Thumb sucking Bed wetting School phobia Truancy Tardiness Absences Hyperactive Poor social skills Afraid to have visitors in home Aggressive/bullying Poor conflict resolution skills Clingy Whiney Distrustful Angry Sad Powerless

15. 15 Partnering to Keep Kids Safe Confidentiality Clear role definitions Centralize Safety Need to coordinate responses of multiple systems, or at a minimum understand each system�s response Partner to create change Advocates can�t do it all. We need to share the work. There is strength in numbers. Survivors turn to many services/sources for help, we need to work with those resources Advocates can learn from staff in other systems, as well as teach them Identify barriers to safety Advocates can�t do it all. We need to share the work. There is strength in numbers. Survivors turn to many services/sources for help, we need to work with those resources Advocates can learn from staff in other systems, as well as teach them Identify barriers to safety

16. 16 A Batterer Is� a person who exercises a pattern of coercive control in a partner relationship, punctuated by one or more acts of intimidating, physical violence, sexual assault, or credible threat of physical violence. This pattern of control and intimidation may be predominantly psychological, economic, or sexual in nature or may rely primarily on the use of physical violence. This pattern of control and intimidation may be predominantly psychological, economic, or sexual in nature or may rely primarily on the use of physical violence.

17. 17 Typical Characteristics of a Batterer as Parent� Authoritarianism Under involvement, neglect, irresponsibility Undermining of the mother Self-centeredness Manipulativeness Ability to perform under observation AUTHORITARIANISM Batterers tend to be rigid, authoritarian and expect their will to be obeyed without question Sons may be special targets of the batterers strict control Children exposed to domestic violence were particularly likely to have behavioral problems if their fathers had high rates of irritability (Holden and Ritchie (1991) A father�s authoritarian treatment of the children has more pronounced negative effects if he also abuses the children�s mother. (Margolin et. Al. (1996) Because of his entitlement and self-centeredness, the batterer may expect the rewards and public status of being a father without the difficulties and sacrifices that are involved. The dictatorial style also appeals to the aspect of the batterer that sees the children as personal possessions with whom he can do as he sees fit UNDERINVOLVEMENT, NEGLECT, IRRESPONSIBILITY Batterers tend to be under-involved and neglectful parents (usually in combination with periods of authoritarian involvement) and to be less physically affectionate with their children than are non-batterers (Holden & Richie, 1991; Crites & Croker, 1988) The authors noted that their clients were not reliable in knowing the names of their children�s school teachers or daycare providers, knowing the details of medical conditions or the names of doctors, or being able to describe their children�s interests, strengths, or ambitions. Batterer�s may have behavioral expectations that are not appropriate to children�s ages. Fathers appear to be largely unaware of the effects on children of exposure to domestic violence, effects that are commonly observed by mothers and by teachers (Sternberg, Lamb, & Dawud-Noursi, 1998) According to the authors, �A batterer�s level of commitment to his children cannot be assessed on the basis of his statements or his expressions of emotions, such as the shedding of tears while talking about them or the proud showing of photographs. Such displays can be products of manipulativeness or of self-centeredness rather than the genuine connection to the child.� UNDERMINING OF THE MOTHER Batterers often treat their partners with contempt and with insults. Even if this is not done overtly, children can sense the contempt and may mimic the same behavior. Children also �learn� behaviors very quickly and may see the abuse as acceptable. Batterers may �overrule� a mothers parenting decision, ridicule her in front of the children and use other tactics to further achieve the goal of power and control. SELF-CENTEREDNESS (pg. 34) Batterers tend to be selfish, unwilling to modify their lifestyle in order to meet the needs of others, and may expect the children to meet their needs. Expectations to abruptly meet his needs May believe they should give up their independence to meet his needs Expect children to be available to keep him company May want the children to reflect well on them in a public extension of themselves. Batterers tend to take personal credit for their children�s successes, at the same time they hold their partners responsible for any failures May play particularly pathetic or self-destructive roles, including threats of suicide which often has a theatrical aspect used to take the focus off his abusiveness. In cases where the batterer is more involved as a parent, it�s important to assess the extent to which this involvement focuses on the needs of the children as opposed to the batterers needs. MANIPULATIVENESS The tendency of batterers to be manipulative partners often is paralleled in their behavior toward their children. Batterers create confusion in children and often manipulate them to believe the blame is on the mother. Children often come to believe they are to blame for the abuse. Batterers manipulate children to make them believe the batterer is �kinder� or the more �concerned parent�. ABILITY TO PERFORM UNDER OBSERVATION (pg. 37) Batterers have a typical ability to perform well under observation. When others are watching, they may behave in a gentle, caring and attentive way. A 1 to 2 hour supervised visit will not require the many skills nor the capacity for focusing on the children�s needs that are called for in day-to-day parenting. It can be helpful to evaluators to be aware of children�s typical reactions to participating in professionally observed interactions with the batterer. Some children are fairly relaxed and comfortable with an abusive parent as long as there are outsiders present. We frequently observe a post separation dynamic in which a batterer uses litigation to pressure for increased visitation, or even for custody, only to leave the children watching television or in the care of relatives most of the time.AUTHORITARIANISM Batterers tend to be rigid, authoritarian and expect their will to be obeyed without question Sons may be special targets of the batterers strict control Children exposed to domestic violence were particularly likely to have behavioral problems if their fathers had high rates of irritability (Holden and Ritchie (1991) A father�s authoritarian treatment of the children has more pronounced negative effects if he also abuses the children�s mother. (Margolin et. Al. (1996) Because of his entitlement and self-centeredness, the batterer may expect the rewards and public status of being a father without the difficulties and sacrifices that are involved. The dictatorial style also appeals to the aspect of the batterer that sees the children as personal possessions with whom he can do as he sees fit UNDERINVOLVEMENT, NEGLECT, IRRESPONSIBILITY Batterers tend to be under-involved and neglectful parents (usually in combination with periods of authoritarian involvement) and to be less physically affectionate with their children than are non-batterers (Holden & Richie, 1991; Crites & Croker, 1988) The authors noted that their clients were not reliable in knowing the names of their children�s school teachers or daycare providers, knowing the details of medical conditions or the names of doctors, or being able to describe their children�s interests, strengths, or ambitions. Batterer�s may have behavioral expectations that are not appropriate to children�s ages. Fathers appear to be largely unaware of the effects on children of exposure to domestic violence, effects that are commonly observed by mothers and by teachers (Sternberg, Lamb, & Dawud-Noursi, 1998) According to the authors, �A batterer�s level of commitment to his children cannot be assessed on the basis of his statements or his expressions of emotions, such as the shedding of tears while talking about them or the proud showing of photographs. Such displays can be products of manipulativeness or of self-centeredness rather than the genuine connection to the child.� UNDERMINING OF THE MOTHER Batterers often treat their partners with contempt and with insults. Even if this is not done overtly, children can sense the contempt and may mimic the same behavior. Children also �learn� behaviors very quickly and may see the abuse as acceptable. Batterers may �overrule� a mothers parenting decision, ridicule her in front of the children and use other tactics to further achieve the goal of power and control. SELF-CENTEREDNESS (pg. 34) Batterers tend to be selfish, unwilling to modify their lifestyle in order to meet the needs of others, and may expect the children to meet their needs. Expectations to abruptly meet his needs May believe they should give up their independence to meet his needs Expect children to be available to keep him company May want the children to reflect well on them in a public extension of themselves. Batterers tend to take personal credit for their children�s successes, at the same time they hold their partners responsible for any failures May play particularly pathetic or self-destructive roles, including threats of suicide which often has a theatrical aspect used to take the focus off his abusiveness. In cases where the batterer is more involved as a parent, it�s important to assess the extent to which this involvement focuses on the needs of the children as opposed to the batterers needs. MANIPULATIVENESS The tendency of batterers to be manipulative partners often is paralleled in their behavior toward their children. Batterers create confusion in children and often manipulate them to believe the blame is on the mother. Children often come to believe they are to blame for the abuse. Batterers manipulate children to make them believe the batterer is �kinder� or the more �concerned parent�. ABILITY TO PERFORM UNDER OBSERVATION (pg. 37) Batterers have a typical ability to perform well under observation. When others are watching, they may behave in a gentle, caring and attentive way. A 1 to 2 hour supervised visit will not require the many skills nor the capacity for focusing on the children�s needs that are called for in day-to-day parenting. It can be helpful to evaluators to be aware of children�s typical reactions to participating in professionally observed interactions with the batterer. Some children are fairly relaxed and comfortable with an abusive parent as long as there are outsiders present. We frequently observe a post separation dynamic in which a batterer uses litigation to pressure for increased visitation, or even for custody, only to leave the children watching television or in the care of relatives most of the time.

18. 18 What are some of the effects of the batterer�s violence on Timmy? The practical effects on Timmy? The emotional effects on Timmy? The effects on Timmy�s thinking? How might these effect Maria�s attempts at seeking safe alternatives?

19. 19