The Family & the Home

1. The Family & the Home Lesson 9: Discipline in the Home

2. A Lack of Discipline in the Home • Why are some children… • “Disobedient to parents” (Rom. 1:20; 2 Tim. 3:2; Gr. ἀπειθής, unwilling to be persuaded)? • “Unruly” (Tit. 1:6; Gr. ἀνυπότακτος, not subject to rule; not submissive)?

3. A Lack of Discipline in the Home • The many problems we see today in society and in the church can often be traced back to a lack of discipline in the home • Many parents will not discipline due to… • Laziness, selfishness, absenteeism • They were raised with no discipline themselves • Unbelief in God’s word

4. Why Do Many Parents Not Spank? • They have been told by others it’s wrong • They were not spanked as a child • They are too weak emotionally to perform it • They don’t believe it will work, or that it will cause some ill-effect • They’ve seen it done the wrong way and conclude from that it should not be done at all

5. The AAP on Spanking Where We Stand The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly opposes striking a child for any reason. Spanking is never recommended; infants may be physically harmed by a parent who strikes the child. If a spanking is spontaneous, parents should later explain calmly why they did it, the specific behavior that provoked it, and how angry they felt. They also might apologize to their child for their loss of control. This usually helps the youngster to understand and accept the spanking, and it models for the child how to remediate a wrong. Whenever a parent strikes a child, it may undermine the relationship of trust that the child needs to thrive. However, infants often frustrate their parents.

6. The AAP on Spanking Here are a few alternatives: • First, put your baby in the crib or another safe place while you get control of yourself. • Call a friend, relative, or partner to get some support or advice. • If these don't help, reach out to your child's pediatrician for advice. http://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Where-We-Stand-Spanking.aspx

7. The AAP on Spanking Physical Punishment Parents often ask, "Should I spank my child?" Many parents occasionally lose their patience or, in anger or fear, may spank their youngster. For instance, if a child runs out into the street, a parent may sweep the child up and, in a mo­ment of anxiety for the child's well-being, spank her to emphasize the parent's sense of urgency or worry. Actually, it is the parent's expression of disapproval that is an effective deterrent in this situation, not the spanking.

8. The AAP on Spanking Spanking may relieve a parent's frustration for the moment and extinguish the undesirable behavior for a brief time. But it is the least effective way to discipline. It is harmful emotionally to both parent and child. Not only can it result in physical harm, but it teaches children that violence is an acceptable way to discipline or express anger. While stopping the behavior temporarily, it does not teach alternative behavior. It also interferes with the development of trust, a sense of security, and effective communication. (Spanking often becomes the method of communication.) It also may cause emotional pain and resentment. http://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/What-About-Punishment.aspx

9. Why Spanking Doesn’t Teach Violence • Violence stems from a lack of control; spanking when done properly is done in control • Violence lacks any meaningful purpose; spanking when done properly reinforces a meaningful purpose (lesson that is taught) • Violence is random; spanking when done properly comes only with specific disobedient circumstances

10. A Lack of Discipline in the Home • Spoiled, ill-mannered, and unruly adults often raise spoiled, ill-mannered and unruly children • When we truly “love” our children, we will “discipline” them; yes, “love” and “discipline” go together (Prov. 3:11-12 [quoted in Heb. 12:5-6]; Prov. 13:24; Rev. 3:19)

11. A Lack of Discipline in the Home “What have they seen in your house?” • Ungodly, hypocritical, permissive parents • Undisciplined, unruly, disobedient children • Little to no rules or boundaries

12. Discipline = Training The four basic elements of discipline 1. Parental example (Ezek. 16:44) 2. Parental instruction, teaching (Gen. 18:19) 3. Parental correction (Prov. 3:11-12; Heb. 12:5ff) 4. Child obedience and honor (Eph. 6:1-4)

13. Four Areas of Discipline (Luke 2:52) • Wisdom: mental development – training in secular education, etc. • Stature: physical development – training in a healthy lifestyle, etc. • Favor with man: social development – training in the proper treatment of others, etc. • Favor with God: spiritual development – training to know God’s word, etc.

14. Bible Homes with Discipline • Abraham (Deut. 18:19) • Joseph and Mary (Lk. 2:51-52)

15. Bible Homes Without Discipline • Eli (1 Sam. 2:22-26; 3:13; see Deut. 21:18) • David (1 Kings 1:6)

16. A Home Without Discipline • Respect for authority and obedience is established early on with instructive and corrective discipline: home (Eph. 6:1), civil (Rom. 13:1), and church (Heb. 13:17) • Disobedience to parents is a sin (Ex. 21:15; Lev. 20:9; Deut. 21:18-21; Rom. 1:30; 2 Tim. 3:2)!

17. Review Questions 1. Why is there a lack of discipline in so many homes today? 2. What are the four basic elements of good discipline? 3. What are the four areas of good discipline? 4. What are some examples of Bible homes that were disciplined and undisciplined?