Family Violence Workshop Originally prepared by The Warehouse,

1. Family Violence Workshop Originally prepared by The Warehouse, White Ribbon and Women’s Refuge Additional graphics from Air NZ. White Ribbon Business Accreditation www.whiteribbon.org.nz

3. Welcome The purpose of today is to give you the knowledge and skills to support victims and users of domestic abuse in the workplace. By the end of this session you will be able to: Describe what domestic abuse is and describe the different types of domestic abuse. Identify possible signs and behaviours of victims and users of violence. Support victims or users of violence, using resources available.

4. Agenda • Introduction • Domestic abuse in New Zealand • What is domestic abuse • Recognising signs of domestic abuse • Supporting victims and users of domestic abuse • Available Resources • Close

5. Domestic Abuse means any type of abuse within a domestic relationship and/or family group. Domestic Abuse includes any kind of family violence, physical, sexual, economic and psychological abuse, and is not limited to physical abuse. What is Domestic abuse?

6. Different types of domestic abuse Use of the victims emotions to control them - can be through verbal communication (threats/insults/criticisms) or non verbal (isolation/humiliation) Use of physical force against another person in a way that ends up injuring the person, or puts the person at risk of injury Emotional / Psychological Physical Withholding resources, stealing from the victim, or using the victim's name to incur debt Financial Sexual Often linked to physical abuse

7. The Facts New Zealand has the highest reported rate of domestic abuse in the developed world. This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA

8. Do you know the facts? On average how many women are killed every year by their partner/ex partner. 13 How often do the police attend a domestic abuse incident? every 5.15 mins How many women experience physical and/or sexual abuse from a male partner/ex-partner in their lifetime? 1 in 3 On average how many men are killed every year by their partner/ex partner. 10 On average how many children are killed every year by a member of their own family? 9

9. xxx women could experience domestic abuse in their lifetime • Your business has around xxx employees • Approximately: • xxx are women • xxx are men xxx men could experience one or more sexual offences in their lifetime

10. Activity - Common domestic abuse Myths Split into groups Each group will look at 1 common myth Discuss what you think the reality really is. 2 mins to discuss in your small groups 2 mins for each group to feedback to whole group

11. Group Feedback Myth 1 ‘ People should just remove themselves from abusive relationships’ Myth 2 ‘Some people ask for it, provoke it, want it or even deserve it.’ Myth 3 ‘Violent people are mentally ill or have psychopathic personalities’ Myth 4 ‘domestic abuse only happens in certain cultures or communities’

12. Recognise What have you seen and heard? The three R’s ReferWhat information can you offer? Respond What will you say and do? Refer What information can you offer?

13. Recognise What have you seen and heard?

14. Recognise What have you seen and heard? Power & control wheel

15. Recognise What have you seen and heard?

17. Recognise What have you seen and heard? Activity – Identifying Signs of a Victim Split in 2 groups • Using the Power and Control Wheel as a reference discuss possible signs or behaviours of a victim you may notice • Write your thoughts down and be prepared to share them with the whole group. • 5 mins to discuss in your groups • 2 mins for each group to feedback

18. Recognise What have you seen and heard? Possible Signs of a Victim • Injuries and making excuses for themselves • Change of behaviour at work • Low self esteem • Personality changes • Fear of conflict • Passive aggressive behaviour • Self blame • Isolation and control • Stress related problems

19. Recognise What have you seen and heard? Activity - Identifying signs of a person who uses violence Recognise What have you seen and heard? Stay in your 2 groups • Using the ‘Power and Control Wheel’ as a reference discuss the possible signs or behaviours of a person that uses violence. • Write your thoughts down and be prepared to share them with the whole group. • 5 mins to discuss in your groups • 2 mins for each group to feedback

20. Recognise What have you seen and heard? Possible Signs of a User of Violence • Bully others at work. • Blame others for problems, especially their partner. • Be seen as arrogant to others. • Have ‘defensive injuries’ (scratch marks). • Be knowledgeable about the legal/social systems and use it their advantage. • Be absent or late to work due to their actions toward the victim. • Call their partner repeatedly during work time, become agitated if unable to contact them.

21. Recognise What have you seen and heard? Remember… • Victims don’t always have visible bruises or injuries • Most users of violence are often described as friendly sociable people • The most dangerous time for a victim is when they are leaving the relationship

22. Respond What have you say and do?

23. Supporting Victims – Your Role • Show that you believe the person. • Affirm they are not to blame. • Be non-judgemental and accept differences of opinion. • Be encouraging, supportive and open. • Give accurate information (Family Violence Leave/Flexible Working Arrangements/Policy) • Keep a record of the conversation and advise the victim you are doing so. • Allow the victim to take whatever steps they want to take at their own pace. • Follow up. Ensure all conversations are safe and discreet Respond What have you say and do?

24. Keeping Our People Safe Safety planning must be done by an agency or individual trained in working with victims of domestic abuse. However, if our team member would like our help, we can do things in our workplace to help keep them safe. • Person must agree to participate. • Person must not inform their abuser they are leaving. • Refer them to an agency who can assist them in planning for their safety, don’t invite the person to stay at your house, don’t drive them to their house. • Obtain a Trespass Order for your work premises. • Change their work mobile number or block abusers number. • Accompany victim to and from their vehicle. • Have an emergency contact on speed dial on your phone. • Turn off GPS on their work mobile. • Put alerts in place at work so the victim doesn’t receive telephone calls or messages. Respond What have you say and do?

25. Supporting Users of Abuse • Have the conversation somewhere discreet and safe. • Listen to what they are telling you. • Be non-judgmental. It is ok to say “What you’re doing is not OK but we can find help.” • Offer ways to help. • Refer to your Policy. • Keep a record of the conversation. • Duty of care. Respond What have you say and do?

26. Domestic Violence Leave The Government’s Domestic Violence – Victim’s Protection comes into force 01 April 2019 • An employee can take up to 10 days of paid domestic violence leave every 12 months. The entitlement kicks in after 6 months of employment. • The leave is to deal with the “effects of domestic violence”. Those effects include impacts on both the employee and/or any child they are looking after. The actual domestic violence does not have to have occurred during the course of the employment. • An employer can require proof that the employee (or their child) are affected by domestic violence. What will constitute proof has been left undefined and may be difficult to procure as opposed to a medical certificate for sick leave. • This leave needs to be treated as if it were sick or bereavement leave – it will be a rare occasion where it will be able to booked in advance. Employers will need to consider their ability to potentially be without staff members for up to 2 weeks at a time. Respond What have you say and do?

27. Domestic Violence Leave The Government’s Domestic Violence – Victim’s Protection comes into force 01 April 2019 • Both the Employment Relations Act and the Human Rights Act will be changed to prohibit any sort of discrimination or adverse treatment where an employer suspects an employee is affected by domestic violence.This effectively adds being a victim of domestic violence to the other list of prohibited grounds of discrimination in employment e.g. race, religion, age etc • The ability for employees to request flexible working arrangements (and what employers have to do in response) have been around for some time, • The new “Part 6AB” of the Employment Relations Act 2000 adds a new type of request for flexibility in working arrangements for up to 2 months where a person is dealing with the effects of domestic violence. Respond What have you say and do?

28. Your domestic abuse Guidelines/Policy • Health & Safety Manual / Response etc • Xxx • Xxx • Xxx • Xxx • Xxx • Xxx • Xxx • Xxx • Xxx • This is typically several slides and ensures employees understand your policies and practices

29. Refer What information can you offer?

30. Refer What information can you offer? Resources Available • Domestic Violence Leave • Health and Safety Manual • Domestic Violence Commitment • External Support • Shine on 0508-744-633 http://www.2shine.org.nz/ • Women’s Refuge 0800 733 843 https://womensrefuge.org.nz/ • Shakti https://shakti-international.org/shakati-new-zealand/ • National Network of Stopping Violence https://nnsvs.org.nz/#home • Family Violence Networks https://nzfvc.org.nz/sites/nzfvc.org.nz/files/Family-violence-networks-contact-people-June-2018.pdf • MYRIVR (download app for mobile phones for access to social services in your area) • Contact any applicable employee or community support network. • Dial 111 to contact the police with immediate concerns about personal safety and/or the safety of anyone else.

31. Recognise What have you seen and heard? Recognise What have you seen and heard? Activity – The Three R’s Get into pairs • Using Scenario complete Three R’s grid • 2 mins to read scenarios • 5 mins to complete Three R’s grid • 5 mins feedback to group Respond What will you say and do? Respond What will you say and do? Refer What information can you offer? Refer What information can you offer?

32. Activity – The Three R’s Scenario 1 • You had already noticed that over a period of time Sally had behaved differently at work which seemed out of character. She had started turning up to work late without giving valid reasons. • Sally had approached her SM and admitted that her partner has been hurting her • Sally had visible bruises and cuts to her arms Scenario 2 • John hadn’t spoken much about his new baby or how his partner was doing since the birth. • John has approached you and admitted that he has become very aggressive towards his partner which resulted in him grabbing her arm and hurting her. Scenario 3 • You have been told by another team member that Sarah had mentioned that she wouldn’t be able to get access to money for the Christmas gathering. • She was also heard saying that her partner wouldn’t allow her to come.

33. Recognise What have you seen and heard? Summary Remember to use the three R’s Respond What will you say and do? Refer What information can you offer?

34. Questions

35. White Ribbon Educational Tools • There are a variety of White Ribbon resources available at www.whiteribbon.org.nz These resources are gendered in nature and promote Respectful Relationships which are a protection against violence. There are also a range of videos which are available for free. These can be used to promote activities that help to prevent violence. • Listening and believing women. • Reflecting on and changing their behaviour. • Disrupting other men’s violence towards women. • Treating women as equals. • Choose how to be a man and how I will act. • Talk to a young man about breaking out of the Man Box • Think about what they watch and the media they use. • Talk with young men about respectful relationships and pornography. White Ribbon Business Accreditation www.whiteribbon.org.nz

36. Eight Actions that prevent violenceclick to watch or download videos Listening and believing women. Disrupting other men’s violence towards women. Treating women as equals. Reflecting on and changing your behaviour. Talk with young men about respectful relationships and pornography. Choose how to be a man and how you will act. . Talk to a young man about breaking out of the ‘Man Box’. . Think about what media you watch. White Ribbon Business Accreditation www.whiteribbon.org.nz

37. Breaking out of the ‘Man Box’. click to watch or download the videos Raise Our Menis a 35-minute film featuring interviews with New Zealand men talking about their experience of being socialised as a boy and their experiences as a man. The film is designed to prompt men to choose to be more respectful towards women and break out of the man box. White Ribbon Business Accreditation www.whiteribbon.org.nz

38. Toolboxesclick to download free Toolboxes with handy hints Whether you’re hooking up at a party, getting into something a bit more serious, or all over Tinder – being a good guy is about treating your partners with respect. If you’re not sure where to start, we’ve got some simple tips for how to do that. The Man Box is how lots of guys think they must act in front of other men. You know, always acting like they’re in control and in charge. And not showing any feelings – except anger. You’ve heard about the #MeToo movement and women talking about their experience of men’s sexual abuse and assault. Here’s how you can help. As a man, you can have a huge impact on your relationship, and on your kids’ lives. It’s about having respect – for your partner, your family and yourself. So what kind of guy You can promote respectful relationships and help prevent violence by being a positive influence on other men. As a dad, you can have a massive impact – on your kids’ lives. If your kids see you being respectful, they’ll learn to be respectful themselves. They’ll have a much happier life, and you’ll be happier too. White Ribbon Business Accreditation www.whiteribbon.org.nz

39. White Ribbon Projects White Ribbon Ambassadors For the campaign to be successful, men must be seen to lead and actively support the kaupapa. Ambassadors play a vital role in building support, visibility and developing a shared understanding of the campaign within their social groups, workplaces and communities. The purpose of White Ribbon Business Accreditation is to engage more businesses in effective violence prevention. Increasingly White Ribbon is targeting young men and women to promote respectful behaviour in their relationships. Talk to us about setting up a White Ribbon Youth Ambassador Scheme in your area. The White Ribbon Ride is one of the most exciting initiatives tackling this country’s crippling domestic violence record. This week-long motorcycle tour happens every November – White Ribbon Month, and is a powerful and inspirational voyage for all involved. White Ribbon Business Accreditation www.whiteribbon.org.nz