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Right Relationships in Congregations

Right Relationships in Congregations. Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta Augusta, GA March 9 and 10, 2012. Agenda. Agenda. Agenda. Worship. Chalice Lighting. “ Speak the Truth in Love ” Covenant for Working Together. Speaking We will speak for ourselves and not for others

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Right Relationships in Congregations

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  1. Right Relationships in Congregations Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta Augusta, GA March 9 and 10, 2012

  2. Agenda

  3. Agenda

  4. Agenda

  5. Worship

  6. Chalice Lighting

  7. “Speak the Truth in Love”Covenant for Working Together • Speaking • We will speak for ourselves and not for others • the“Truth” • We will speak only of our own experience • We will speak as factually as possible • in Love • We will speak honestly, with respect, and listen to understand

  8. What is Right Relationship?

  9. In Relationship Recall a story when you persuaded others to change their mind about something. • What behaviors from others let you know they were listening? • What created the feeling that you had been heard? • What behaviors did others exhibit that kept them in right relationship with you? • What behaviors did you exhibit that kept you in right relationship with them?

  10. In Relationship Recall a story when a decision did not go your way, and yet you felt listened to and knew you had been heard. • What behaviors from others let you know they were listening? • What created the feeling that you had been heard? • What behaviors did others exhibit that kept them in right relationship with you? • What behaviors did you exhibit that kept you in right relationship with them?

  11. Out of Relationship Recall a story when you didn’t feel you listened or were as respeectful as you could have been? • What behaviors did you exhibit let others know you weren’t listening? • What do you wish you would have done differently? • Is there, was there, a way to make amends? • If you tried to make amends, what happened?

  12. Forgiveness

  13. Come, come, whoever you are Wanderer, Worshiper, Lover of Leaving, Ours is no caravan of despair Come, yet again, Come. Sufi Poet MevlanaJelaluddin Rumi (circa 1200 ACE)

  14. Come, Come whoever you are, wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come even if you have broken your vows a thousand times, Come, come yet again.

  15. Conflict

  16. THE NATURE OF CONFLICT Conflict is natural; neither positive nor negative, it just is. Conflict is just an interference pattern of energies Nature uses conflict as it’s primary motivator for change, creating beautiful beaches, canyons, mountains and pearls It’s not whether you have a conflict in your life, it’s what you do with that conflict that makes a difference. Conflict is not a contest Winning and losing are goals for games, not conflicts. Learning, growing and cooperating are goals for resolving conflicts, Conflict can be seen as a gift of energy, in which neither side loses and a new dance is created. Resolving conflicts is rarely about who’s right. It is about acknowledgement and appreciation of differences. Conflict begins within. As we unhitch the burden of belief systems and heighten our perceptions, we love more freely and fully. Thomas F. Crum, The Magic of Conflict

  17. Signs of Conflict

  18. Signs of Conflict

  19. Signs of Conflict

  20. Levels of Conflict

  21. Drama Triangle Problem The Joy of Conflict Resolution, Gary Harper

  22. Maintaining/establishing right relations

  23. To (re)establish right relations

  24. Restoring Right Relationship APOLOGY Apology may do more to relieve the burden of the person who caused the injury than it does for the injured party. FORGIVENESS Apology followed by forgiveness can be an act of generosity, but still may not complete the work of establishing a sense of trust. RECONCILIATION When we engage in reconciliation, we invite change that will transform a relationship. Reconciliation restores friendship or harmony, settles or resolves differences, transforms both parties by bringing them to a new consciousness about the way they see, treat, and represent each other. Reconciliation is a competency that takes work to develop, and it requires commitment.

  25. Assessing a Problem

  26. Disruptive Persons

  27. Cautions for RR Team

  28. Relationships

  29. Scenario A member of the congregation lights a candle in the worship service and says that he thinks the board is hiding something because they haven’t informed the congregation about the results of the survey, so he’s starting a recall petition to get rid of them all. Anyone who is interested in joining him can see him after the service.

  30. Small Groups • Did you identify a reporter and a timekeeper? • Did your group establish any process before discussing the scenario? • How were the relationships in your group? • Did your group assess the situation before developing solutions? • Was each person in the group invited to share their thoughts?

  31. Summary Name one thing you learned, one insight you had, one idea you got from the workshop.

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