Social and moral development from four to six

Social and moral development from four to six 14.2

General social patterns • Four years • Form friendships with their playmates • Cooperative play in groups of 3 or 4, sharing toys and taking turns • Often bossy and inconsiderate so fighting may occur • Family still more important than friends • Seek approval (I’m good at drawing pictures, aren’t I?)

General social patterns • Five years • More outgoing and talkative • Play in groups of 5 of 6 • Play is more complicated • Fights break out less frequently • When quarrel, resort to name-calling and wild threats • Developed more respect for others’ belongings • As begin school, social acceptance by peers becomes more important • Concerned about what their friends say and do • Don’t want to be thought of as different, and they fear ridicule • May begin gossip about other children – indicates what behaviors the children as a group value and what actions they consider undesirable

General social patterns • Six years • Social relations are often characterized by fiction, threats and stubbornness • Want everything • Want to do things their own way • May not want to share their toys • May be jealous of other children’s toys • Best friends are of same gender even though they play readily in mixed groups • Enjoy group play and organized teams for games • Drop out of game when tired with no regard for team effort

What would you do? • Handling family conflict • The relationship between six year old Pam and her family was strained. Nothing seemed to please her. When she screamed and protested after her parents took her television privileges away, they relented. After her parents gave in to her demands, her behavior grew worse. At their wits; end, Pam’s parents went to see the school counselor. “Pam is acting out all the time. How can we get her to change?” they asked. “Perhaps you need to ask what you can do to change the situation”, the counselor advised. “Let’s begin by looking at your expectations. It is reasonable to expect a 6 year old to follow the family rules or face the consequences. It is not realistic to expect her to be happy about the consequences. You want Pam to learn self control by accepting the consequences of her actions”. • Write about it • Imagine that you are one of Pam’s parents the day after this meeting. Pam is throwing a temper tantrum because you will not let her go to a frined’s hous until she has cleaned her room. Write a dialog between you and Pam showing how you would respond to this situation.

Family relationships • Changes as grow • 4 year olds feel close ties to home and want to feel important in the family. They are proud they can help with chores but do quarrel and bicker with siblings • 5 year olds delight helping out at home. They play better with siblings and are protective and kind to younger siblings • 6 year olds do not get along as well with other family members. They are more self centered. Their own needs and feeling come first. Argue with adults in family. Rough and impatient with younger siblings and fight with older siblings

Learning through play • Play by the rules • Playing a board game with a 4 year old can be fun, but at the same time very frustrating. Children delight in playing games, through they often create their own set of rules as they go along. Most preschoolers think the world revolves around them. S a child matures, the world seems to get bigger and include more people. Social rules become more important. Playing games allows a child to follow rules. The child learns to take turns and learns that he or she cannot always be the winner. The child is able to see the world from another person’s perspective and is able to understand why rules are needed for things to be fair. • Think about it • Work with a partner to create a skit in which you are playing a board game. One of you should be a four year old and the other the parent. The child keeps trying to change the rules so that she can win. Act out how the parent might respond appropriately

Moral development • Guidelines for moral development • Set clear standards of behavior • Respond to inappropriate behavior – repeat the rule and the reason for the rule • Talk about mistakes in private – they don’t like to be criticized. • Understand that children will test the limits – as they develop moral awareness • Consider the child’s age and abilities • It is a lifelong task to learn self-discipline – don’t expect perfection • Continue to show love despite misbehavior – separate the deed from the doer

Moral development • Handling lying • Many tell tall tales and exaggerate • Confuse stories with reality • “I will listen to your story, but then you need to tell me what really happened” • Often misunderstandings so make sure the child understands the instructions • Sometimes deliberate lies • To get attention from adults • To avoid punishment • To please others and not risk losing love • When dealing with consider the following • Does the child know that what he said is not true? • Why might the child be lying? • Do you need more information about the situation? • Is the child asking for more attention? • Help them separate fact from fiction • Do not punish when they are being imaginative but teach them there is a difference between reality and fantasy • Remind them that telling the truth is important because others relay on what they say in deciding how to act

Moral development • Model moral behavior • Children learn by following examples • They will be confused if they cant lie but an adult can • It is a learned behavior • Parents • Peers • Television • Movies • Other media

Parenting skills • Guide children’s behavior • Parental guidance makes a major difference in whether children grow up to be happy well adjusted adults. Here are some ways to guide children effectively: • Build trust. Respond to their needs lovingly so that they know they can count on you, no matter what. • Accentuate the positive. When you accentuate something, you place more emphasis on it. Comment when children show positive behaviors such as kindness and cheerfulness. • Build empathy. Remind children that others have feelings, too. • Respect fears and feelings. Guide children’s behavior by offering respect and reassurance • Teach actions and consequences. Explain that if children angrily throw a toy, and it breaks, it will not be replaced. They will soon avoid actions that have negative consequences. • Encourage responsibility. Assign a daily job. Doing a chore well helps children develop pride in themselves. • Guide by example. Model ways to treat siblings, friends, neighbors, and relatives with kindness and respect

Resolving conflicts Preschoolers spend a lot of time with other children and compete for toys, attention, or a turn on equipment and they may choose… Aggressive behavior – hostile and at times destructive behavior that people display when faced with conflict Erupts when they are angry or frustrated May hit, bite, push, forcible take object Need to learn it is unacceptable… Conflict resolution and cooperation: • Urge children to talk about their feelings • Acknowledge the efforts of children to resolve conflicts – offer specific praise and encouragement • Model appropriate behavior – children who engage in acts of aggression were exposed to adults who used or allowed aggressive behavior

Resolving conflicts • Competition -A rivalry with the goal of winning or outperforming others • Some say benefit because it stimulates individual efforts and promotes higher standards. • Helps them gain a realistic view of their own abilities in relation to others • Helps them excel and prepares them for the adult world • Some feel it is harmful because it instills the idea that success depends on the ability to outdo others • Leads to hostile relationships • Competition can discourage initiative in those who rarely win because it points out their inadequacies and lower their status and self esteem • Teamwork and cooperation • Prefer cooperative play to competitive games • Can engage in both • Teach them not to compare themselves with others but instead, how to compare their skills today with their skills in the past.

Questions • Four year olds often engage in cooperative play. What skills do you think these children are learning while playing soccer together? • By the age of six, children make distinctions between types of friends. Why are friendships at this age often marked by friction? • How are six year olds’ relationships with their families different form those of five year olds? • Your child gets angry at the family dog for knocking over his block tower. He kicks the dog, who yelps. What would you say to the child? • Children who have misbehaved need to be reassured that they are still loved. Why is it important to separate the action from the child? • What are some of the reasons that children tell lies? • Caregivers need to encourage angry preschoolers to talk about their feelings as a start toward resolving conflicts. What is this adult teaching these children about dealing with conflicts (419)?

After you read • 1. describe how the nature of play changes between the ages of two and four • 2. explain how parents should respond to a child who is lying • 3. Identify ways tat competitive games can build cooperation among children • 4. (ELA) A fable is not just a story. It is a story with a purpose. Fables are short stories designed to teach moral lessons. Write a fable that a four to six year old could understand. Create simple illustrations for your fable. Read your story to a young child. Ask the child: What lesson did you learn?

After you read continued… • 5. (social studies) Suppose you are part of a group of adults setting up a T-ball league for 6 year olds. Prepare a list of six rules of behavior that the children are to follow. All of the rules must concern appropriate behavior, rather than athletic concerns.

Social and moral development from four to six