Parenting Work Training

1. Parenting Work Training Day One

2. Objectives for the day • To introduce everyone • To outline the structure of the course • To outline what we hope to achieve through the course • To outline where parents sit within the Youth Justice system, and the various agencies who work with them • To get participants to think about the relationship between parenting and offending behaviour

3. Structure of the Course • 6 sessions of two hours • If you cant make a particular week, don’t worry! We can help you to catch up • We hope that all the sessions will be held here, but we will let you know if this changes

4. What we hope to achieve • To give staff and volunteers a better understanding of parenting within the Youth Justice field • To train volunteers to support parenting work. This might involve mentoring or group work

5. What are Parenting Orders? • Introduced in the 1998 Crime and Disorder Act, Labour’s flagship justice legislation. ‘Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime’ • Intended to recognise the responsibility parents have for their children • Courts may issue an order where they feel that parents have contributed to a young person committing an offence. • Over 90% of parents who received an order felt the process was beneficial

6. What are Parenting Orders? • An order contains both compulsory and voluntary elements • Compulsory elements generally relate specifically to offending behaviour • Voluntary elements generally have more to do with parenting skills and the dynamics of the family

7. The wider framework • Parenting Orders can now be put in place through civil proceedings: • Schools can apply for a Parenting Order if a young person is excluded twice within a twelve month period or if they are exhibiting difficult behaviour and parenting is believed to be connected to this. The order will generally be carried out by a senior Education Welfare Officer • The ASBO team can also apply for a Parenting Order where a young person is involved in anti-social behaviour

8. Other agencies • Family Intervention Programme: Plymouth YOS can refer on to FIP if we feel that more intensive work is needed. The FIP can spend up to 17 hours a week with a family. They have a similar multi-agency approach to the YOS. • Family Group Conferencing: FGC generally deals with difficulties identified through social services. FGC interview everyone involved in a case. The family then sits down together, and they are left alone to devise their own solutions to a problem.

9. Other agencies • Plymouth Parent Partnership: managed as part of Plymouth Psychology Service, they provide a range of support services for parents and other agencies. For example they provide: • Advice on education provision • Training for parents and professionals

10. Other interventions • Strengthening families: a group based programme supporting the interaction between young people and their parents

11. Exercise One • What risk and protective factors are linked to parenting?

12. Exercise Two • How do you think parents feel when they receive a Parenting Order? Could they see it in a positive light?

13. Case Study • Please read through the case study provided, and answer the questions attached

14. Links and further information • Family group conferencing: frg.org.uk • Plymouth Parent Partnership plymouthparentpartnership.org.uk • Strengthening Families strengtheningfamiliesprogram.org

15. Parenting Training Day Two 02/02/2011

16. Exercise One - Values • Please go through the questionnaire that you’ve been given. It contains some questions on values that you might hold.

17. Exercise Two – What is a family? • In your group, discuss the family structure that you’ve been allocated. Think about: • What defines this type of family? • How are they seen in society? • What challenges do they face? • Are there any positive attributes for this family type?

18. Family Structures • Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect family. • Bringing in stereotypes about a certain family type may lead you to make incorrect assumptions.

19. Exercise Three • Please read the case study provided. • Think about the interventions that you would put in place. • Then think about what our role would be as parenting workers. How should we intervene? Are there any issues that we would need to consider?

20. Parenting Training Day Three 09/02/11

21. Good enough parenting • We cant expect parents to be perfect. But there are a range of skills, commitments and approaches that constitute ‘good enough’ parenting. What do you think these are? • Also not good enough parenting

22. Good enough parents... • Offer positive role models • Set boundaries and structures • Offer examples for resolving conflict in an amicable way • Provide warmth, concern and support • Seen by their children to be in charge • Consistent • Able to supervise their children adequately • Give reasons for their rules • Help young people to understand their parents perspective • Negotiate and discuss rather than laying down the law • Engage in open communication and involve their children in decisions

23. Poor parenting is characterised by... • A lack of rule and clear boundaries • Inconsistent discipline and empty threats • Conveying dislike for the child • Ignoring good behaviour but punishing bad • Lack of enjoyable shared experiences • Harsh punishment, which can lead to aggressive conduct and low self esteem

24. Remember the Parent • Parents can suffer from stress too • It is essential that they are able to meet with people who can support them, for example friends or extended family members • Parents also need time to relax and enjoy themselves • Parents cannot exercise complete control over their child. Young people carry responsibility for their actions • Parents should not set unattainable standards or goals. This will only lead to disappointment and conflict at a later date

25. Healthy families • On the next slide are six signs of a healthy family. Rank them in order of importance.

26. Six signs of a healthy family • Open communication: Making time to chat about each others interests and what is going on in their lives. This may include some kind of regular family meeting or discussion time. • Dealing with problems: Postponing problems until a suitable time. Using skills to manage the conflict and plan together. • Being positive: Encouraging teens by how you speak, how you show affection, and how you trust them gradually with increasing responsibility. • Doing things together: Connecting by making time for fun, a game of cards, sport or exercise together. • Group Support: Finding support through friendships with other parents and your own extended family. Ensuring that your teenagers have contact with other safe adults. Asking for help where necessary. • Involvement in the community: Some family involvement in caring for others, doing some voluntary work, giving time to a community project or working to improve the community beyond your family.

27. Why do children misbehave? • In your groups, think about what issues in a family might cause a young person to misbehave.

28. Some reasons why children misbehave • Attention seeking: children will do just about anything to get the attention they crave from parents. • Revenge: Trying to get at someone they feel has treated them badly, a sibling, parent or friend. Children may not understand the reasons for insisting on a rule of limit – it helps to recognise their feelings of anger. • Feeling powerless: if a child feels upset at not having control, they ,ay hit out or get mad, often at siblings or friends. • Feeling bad: A child of any ageg may be showing they are feeling sad or anxious by behaving badly. They may need more sympathy or attention, and punishing them will only make matters worse. • Stage of development: some children are simply not able to do what their parents want because of their age or stage of development.

29. Freudian defence mechanisms • We all feel anxious about different things as a result of our different cultural and family backgrounds, and our gender role expectations. Despite these differences, there are some common defence mechanisms that you will encounter when working with families.

30. Some defence mechanisms • Withdrawal: a very common mechanism, it is the most direct defence possible. If a situation looks as if it is too much to cope with, get out of it (headaches, stomach aches etc) or run away from it. • Repression: A basic, primitive defence, keeping a particular memory, feeling or impulse at the unconscious level. Repressed thought is not lost, and may find expression in various indirect ways. • Denial: Refusing to admit that a situation exists or that an event happened. Denying being angry, frightened or feeling a specific way about something when it is really how you feel. • Reaction Formation: where unwelcome feelings or urges are translated into opposites i.e hostility is translated into overprotective feelings towards a parent or child. • Displacement: feelings or impulses against one person may be shifted to another. For example, anger against one’s partner may translate into anger against the child. • Rationalisation: Creating acceptable reasons for an action. For example ‘I’m only doing it for your own good’. • Projection: Our own unacceptable impulses are attributed to others. Apparently very common, for example other people are bossy, bigoted etc. • Flight into fantasy: Live in a dream world – either in imagination or by escaping into books/television/cinema. • Regression: reverting to behavioural characteristics of lass mature developmental stages, for example acting more childlike.

31. Defence mechanisms • In pairs, talk about any defence mechanisms you may use or that you can identify with.

32. Parenting Day Four 16/02/2011

33. Child abuse • What are the four forms that child abuse can take?

34. Child Abuse • Child abuse can be separated into four different areas • Neglect • Physical Abuse • Sexual Abuse • Emotional Abuse

35. Some statistics • 7% of children experienced serious physical abuse at the hands of their parents or carers during childhood. • 6% of children experienced frequent and severe emotional maltreatment during childhood. • Every full double-decker school bus at the end of the day is likely to be taking home around 7 seriously unhappy children. Most of the lower deck would at some time during their childhood have been going home to serious worries. Approximately 10 children may be going home to a 'double-shift' of cleaning, laundry, shopping and preparing meals, and 2 or 3 will be in fear of violence between their parents while they were out, or of what might happen that evening

36. Some statistics In 2005/06 the police in England and Wales recorded: • 436 offences of unlawful sexual intercourse with a girl under 16 • 4,541 offences of rape of a female child under 16 • 655 offences of rape of a male child under 16 • 6,587 offences of sexual assault on a female child under 16 • 2,821 offences of sexual assault on a male child under 16  • 3,281 offences of sexual activity involving a child under 16 • 127 offences of gross indecency with a child • 125 offences of abuse of children through prostitution and pornography

37. Exercise One • Split into four groups. Each group will be given a different form of abuse. In your groups, think about what signs may be associated with the form of abuse that you’ve been given.

38. Sexual Abuse • Being overly affectionate or knowledgeable in a sexual way inappropriate to the child's age • Medical problems such as chronic itching, pain in the genitals, venereal diseases • Other extreme reactions, such as depression, self-mutilation, suicide attempts, running away, overdoses, anorexia • Personality changes such as becoming insecure or clinging • Regressing to younger behaviour patterns such as thumb sucking or bringing out discarded cuddly toys • Sudden loss of appetite or compulsive eating • Being isolated or withdrawn • Inability to concentrate • Lack of trust or fear of someone they know well, such as not wanting to be alone with a babysitter or child minder • Starting to wet again, day or night/nightmares • Become worried about clothing being removed • Suddenly drawing sexually explicit pictures • Trying to be 'ultra-good' or perfect; overreacting to criticism

39. Physical Abuse • Unexplained recurrent injuries or burns • Improbable excuses or refusal to explain injuries • Wearing clothes to cover injuries, even in hot weather • Refusal to undress for gym • Bald patches • Chronic running away • Fear of medical help or examination • Self-destructive tendencies • Aggression towards others • Fear of physical contact - shrinking back if touched • Admitting that they are punished, but the punishment is excessive (such as a child being beaten every night to 'make him study') • Fear of suspected abuser being contacted

40. Emotional Abuse • Physical, mental and emotional development lags • Sudden speech disorders • Continual self-depreciation ('I'm stupid, ugly, worthless, etc') • Overreaction to mistakes • Extreme fear of any new situation • Inappropriate response to pain ('I deserve this') • Neurotic behaviour (rocking, hair twisting, self-mutilation) • Extremes of passivity or aggression

41. Neglect • Constant hunger • Poor personal hygiene • Constant tiredness • Poor state of clothing • Emaciation • Untreated medical problems • No social relationships • Compulsive scavenging • Destructive tendencies

42. Abuse • Be careful; even if a child is showing signs that suggest that they have been abused, it does not necessarily mean that they have been. • Abuse may overlap, so a young person may be suffering from sexual and emotional abuse, for example.

43. If a young person does want to confide in you... • Stay calm and be reassuring • Find a quiet place to talk • Believe in what you are being told • Listen, but do no press for information • Say that you are glad that the child told you • Be supportive • If necessary, seek medical help and contact the YOS at the soonest possible opportunity • If your child has told another adult, such as a teacher or school nurse, contact them. Their advice may make it easier to help your child • Determine if this incident may affect how your child reacts at school. It may be advisable to liaise with you child's teacher, school nurse or head teacher • Acknowledge that your child may have angry, sad or even guilty feelings about what happened, but stress that the abuse was not the child's fault. Acknowledge that you will probably need help dealing with your own feelings

44. Day Five • Guest speakers. Harbour and accommodation. • Day 6 parenting wisely