Attachment

1. Attachment Class 7

2. QUIZ • 15 MIN. • WRITE NAME CLEARLY • WRITE IN STUDENT ID NUMBER • WRITE IN TEST ID • Orange: Test ID = 1 • Green: Test ID = 2 Test ID Test ID

3. Main Take-Home Points of Attunement Study a. Importance of cross-modality of attunements b. Attunement is relatively automatic c. Attunement is very constant, almost continual • Communing is #1 function. Why? What does communing do? What purpose does it serve?

4. Attunement and the Sharable Self Theory of Mind: At 9 mos., baby learns it has mind, and that others do also. Separate minds (me, others around me) means I’m separate. Can this separation be bridged? Attunement is the communication bridge. * Provides sense of own/others mental lives * Self and other can connect via emotional expression * Provides sense of what can be shared.

5. Early Parent/Child Interactions, and the Discovery of Invariants Motive to order one's universe (i.e. make meaning) is an imperative of mental life. (Recall oak, coke, schema joke) Identifying "invariants", constants across situations, is critical to achieving this ordering. Parent/child play provides lessons in invariants a. Walking fingers game b. Mom leaning in to/pulling back from baby (in video, e.g.) These games involve both repetition but also variation around theme. a. Strict repetition too boring, b. Constant variation too weird

6. Lessons in Parent/Baby Games What does baby learn in these games? 1. Central theme imbedded in variations gives sense of invariant; higher- order abstraction is constant, even if variations differ. Hey, honey...Yeah, honey...Hi, honey...Whatcha doing, honey?...Yeah, whatcha doing?....What are ya doing?....ya doing nothing? Exquisite repetition and variation: Bach: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwWL8Y-qsJg Ella: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrVu9WKs498 2. Self Regulation: Baby can pull back, reset. Capacity to use own intention to change inner state. 3. Agency: motor plans develop: Handwriting demo

7. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown In the great green room - Goodnight room Goodnight moon Goodnight cow jumping over the moon Goodnight light And the red balloon Goodnight bears Goodnight chairs Goodnight kittens And goodnight mitten

8. Cost of Failed Attunement Stern: People can only put into words inner experience that they believe is sharable. When attunement fails, babies become people who are: Less able to articulate and KNOW own inner lives, Less able to understand others’ inner lives Therefore, less able to connect deeply with others as adults. Less able to develop sense of self. What psychological state causes moms to attune badly? Depression

9. Adult Attunement? What do lovers call each other? “Baby” Hey my little snookums! Come here and give someone a big old hug!!! How do in love couples talk to each other? Is adult attunement only part of romantic relationships? What about friendships?

10. Why Does “Intersubjectivity” Matter? • Play, flirting, connecting: • Empathy, compassion 3. How do men, women "attune"? 4. Emotional support, understanding John Cassevettes, GenaRolands: A Woman Under the Influence (1974) Rolands: Dad, aren’t you going to stand up for me? Dad: Stands up.

11. Attunement Behind Bars Jacobo Timmerman 1923-1999

12. Attachment and the Need for Emotional Connection in Infancy No se vive sin amor One cannot live without love Harry Harlow “wire mother” studies Rene’ Spitz foundling home study

13. HARRY HARLOW WIRE MONKEY STUDIES https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O60TYAIgC4

14. DEPRIVATION DWARFISM

15. Bobo Doll Separation Meltdown

16. Functions of Separation-Anger Can anger ever be good for relationships? How so? 1. Overcoming obstacles to reunion 2. Discourage loved one from going away, or from being absent during difficult situations.

17. Dysfunctional anger  * When anger is so intense or so sustained that it weakens the bonds the person wants to protect. * Occurs when the purpose of anger shifts from deterring separation to seeking revenge. * Most violently angry kids those who:   a. Experience repeated separations. b. Subject to threat of abandonment

18. Emotional Trap of Abandonment Threat Threat creates anxiety  Anxiety turns to anger—“why are you always making me anxious?”  Expressing anger may cause parent to act on threat  Child diverts anger to other targets

19. Abandonment Fears and Event Interpretation CONCERN FOR ACTORS Little girl is worried about day Will daddy be OK? BLAME/ANGER AT ACTORS Little girl was bad and is being sent away Daddy did something wrong Which kids more likely to pick blame/anger responses? Kids from low-threat homes or high-threat homes?

20. Strange Situation, Mary Ainsworth https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTsewNrHUHU • Mom and baby go into a room, baby plays and mom sits there. •  2. Stranger comes in and shares room with mom and baby. •  3. Mom leaves, baby left with stranger •  4. Mom returns, reunites with baby

21. Attachment Styles Identified Through Strange Situation  1. Securely Attached (65%): Upset when mom leaves, OK when mom returns. 2. Ambivalently Attached (15%): Wants reunion with mom, but also shows angerand resentment. 3. Avoidant (20%): Makes no attempt to reconnect with mom

22. Attachment Styles and Emotional Range Secures: Full emotional range: Mom’s acknowledge all emotions  Ambivalents: Favor displaying negative emotions. Why? Mom’s selectively responsive to negative emotions. Avoidants: Show little emotions of any kind: Learned that own emotions won’t get maternal response. But they are physiologically aroused.

23. Parental Behaviors Related to Attachment Style 1. Responsivity: Quick and consistent 2. General Maternal Sensitivity: interpret signals, respect autonomy, accepting manner, respect autonomy, accessible, being tender. 3. Synchronization: Keeping in tune and in time with baby’s emotions and interests.

24. Internal Working Models  Early attachment experiences shape expectancies that shape adult personality.  1. Secures: others can be trusted, form secure bonds 2. Avoidants: Others won’t be there for them. Less able to form secure bonds in adulthood.

25. Non-Attachment Related Ways of Shaping Emotionality  Warmth and affection as separate from Attachment Teaching kids to speak about emotions Modeling emotions and emotional responses to situations Responding to some emotions but not to others

26. Change in Responsiveness to Vocalizing vs. Crying

27. Teaching Kids How to Think About Emotions Meta-cognition: How to think about thinking, or how to think about feeling. Kids taught to think about feeling, and how to manage feelings:   a. Less stressed   b. Less negative emotions in play with others   c. Better school achievement   d. Fewer behavior problems.

28. D.W. Winnicott 1896-1971 Career first as pediatrician. Keen observer. Paradoxes of development: Separation necessary for union Communicate w/o depletion Be touched w/o being exploited Be total self w/o being isolated

29. The “Good Enough” Mother Mom's resilience to child's anger, usage: * "non-retaliatory durability" * Should provide opportunity for reparation Why is this important to child? * Others "not destroyed" by him * Others have own reality, outside of him * Can learn how and when to experiment, to test * Self lovable (understandable) across different moods, actions.