CHAPTER 4

1. CHAPTER 4 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

2. INTRODUCTORY THOUGHTS • Communication skills are a success factor for workers in a wide variety of jobs. • Face-to-face communication is still important for building relationships in the electronic age. • Communication underlies almost every human relations activity as much as running supports almost every sport.

3. STEPS IN THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS • Sender (or source) sends message. • Message goes to receiver. • Channel (medium) is chosen. • Receiver gets message and reacts. • Feedback from the receiver. • Environment influences reception. • Noise can disrupt communication.

4. COMMUNICATION CHANNELS IN THE WORKPLACE • Writing, including e-mail, IM, text messages, and paper reports • Speaking person to person or by phone • Company intranets or internal Websites • Social networking sites • Nonverbal communication • Posters, flyers, and bulletin boards

5. RELATIONSHIP BUILDING AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION • Communication is a vehicle for building relationships. • We establish relationships on two dimensions: dominate-subordinate and cold-warm. • When we dominate, we attempt to control communication. • When we subordinate, we yield control to the wishes of the other person.

6. DOMINATE VS. SUBORDINATE MODE • Dominator: Speaks loudly, writes forceful messages, exaggerates gestures, rapid hand movements, harsh e-mail messages. (“You’re a poor excuse for a …”) • Subordinate person: Speaks quietly and hesitantly, meekly, and apologizes. (“I don’t like to bother you but…”)

7. Relationship Building, continued • We indicate whether we want to dominate or subordinate both verbally and non-verbally. • The cold-warm dimension shapes communication because we invite the same behavior that we send, such as a cold message. • Combination of dominate and cold communication indicates desire to control and limit, or withdraw from relationship. • Combination of subordinate and warm messages indicates desire to build relationship.

8. COMMUNICATION DIMENSIONS OF ESTABLISHING A RELATIONSHIP Dominate Personal Impersonal Warm Cold Supportive Accepting Subordinate

9. NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION TRANSMISSION MODES Nonverbal communication transmits the feeling behind the message. • Environment (the setting of the message influences reception of the message) • Interpersonal distance (placement of body relative to other person says something about sender) • Posture (how you stand or sit sends a variety of messages)

10. Hand gestures (for example, dominant people send direct gestures outward) • Facial expressions and eye contact (head, face, and eyes in combination send clear signals) • Voice quality (more significance might be attached to the way something is said than to what is said) • Personal appearance (external image influences reception of message) • Attention paid to other person (respect)

11. HOW POSTURE SENDS MESSAGES • Standing erect shows self-confidence. • Slumping suggests low self-confidence. • Leaning forward suggests interest. • Leaning backward suggests low interest. • Openness of arms or legs indicates caring, closed postures show opposite.

12. VOICE QUALITY PROBLEMS • Whining, complaining, or nagging tone • High-pitched, squeaky voice • Mumbling • Very fast talking • Weak and wimpy voice • Flat, monotonous tone • Thick accent (smallest problem)

13. IMPROVING NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION • Obtain feedback on your body language by getting comments on your gestures and facial expressions while conversing. • Learn to relax when communicating with others. • Supplement speech with facial, hand, and body gestures—but not too much. • Do not use the same nonverbal gestures indiscriminately.

14. Improving Nonverbal Communication, continued • Use role-playing to practice various forms of nonverbal communication. A good starting point would be selling an idea. • Use mirroring (subtle imitation) to establish rapport. Two tips here are to imitate the breathing pattern of the other person, or match his or her voice speed. However, do not mock the other person.

15. OVERCOMING COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS AND BARRIERS • Understand the receiver (empathy, recognizing his or her emotional state, and understanding frame of reference). • Minimize defensive communication (method of protecting self-esteem). • Repeat message and use multiple channels (but use moderation to avoid information overload).

16. Overcoming Communication Problems, continued • Check comprehension and feelings through verbal and nonverbal feedback (results in two-way communication). • Display a positive attitude (most people prefer to communicate with a positive person; helps you establish credibility and trustworthiness). • Communicate persuasively (convince the receiver to accept your message) • Engage in active listening (essential in face-to-face-communication).

17. Overcoming Communication Problems, concluded • Prepare for stressful conversations (communication problems frequently surface when engaged in conversation fraught with emotion). • Engage in metacommunication (communicate about your communication to help overcome barriers or resolve a problem). • Recognize gender differences in communication style (stereotypes about how men and women communicate differently).

18. PERSUASIVE COMMUNICATION • Know exactly what you want. • Tell end benefit for suggested action. • Get a yes response early on. • Use power words (e.g., “impact”). • Minimize raising pitch at end of sentences. • Talk to audience, not the screen.

19. Persuasive Communication, continued • Back up conclusions with data. • Minimize “wimp” phrases and words (e.g., “I’m not sure about that.”) • Avoid or minimize common language errors (e.g., “We don’t have nothing.”) • Avoid overuse of jargon and clichés (e.g., “We are a seamless company.”)

20. SKILLS AND BEHAVIORS FOR ACTIVE LISTENING • Accepting sender’s figure of speech • Paraphrasing and reflective listening (repeat in own words what sender says, feels, and means). • Minimizing distractions (put away phone). • Asking questions rather than make conclusive statements. • Allowing sender to finish his or her sentence.

21. Active Listening, continued • Using nonverbal communication for active listening (indicate by your body language that you are listening intently). • Minimizing words that shut down discussion (for example, “no,” “but,” and “however”). • Avoiding the need to fake it when you have not been paying attention (other people can sense if you are not listening).

22. PREPARING FOR STRESSFUL CONVERSATIONS • Prepare in advance. • Self-awareness of reactions to uncomfortable exchanges. • Rehearse scenario with friend. • Practice body language. • Practice temperate phrasing (being tactful when giving negative feedback).

23. GENDER DIFFERENCES IN COMMUNICATON • Women prefer to use conversation for rapport building. • Men preserve independence and status by displaying knowledge and skill. • Women want empathy, not solutions. • Men prefer to solve own problems; women prefer to talk out solutions. • Women use more compliments, whereas men are more critical.

24. Gender Differences in Communication, continued • Men tend to be more direct in conversation, whereas women emphasize politeness. • Women are more conciliatory when facing differences; men are more intimidating. • Men more than women call attention to their accomplishments or hog recognition. • Men tend to dominate discussions during meetings. Although these differences may exist, they are still large-group stereotypes.

25. LISTENING TRAPS • Mind reader (“What is he or she really thinking or feeling?”) • Rehearser (“Here’s what I will say next.”) • Filterer (“Here’s what I want to hear.”) • Dreamer (“Could you repeat that?”) • Identifier (“That’s what happened to me.”) • Comparer (“I’m sizing up the sender.”)

26. Listening Traps, continued • Derailer (“Let’s change the subject.”) • Sparrer (“I hear you, but what you say isn’t worth anything.) • Placater (“I agree with everything you say. I don’t want a hassle.”) Active listening can help prevent most of these traps.