Global Revision Unity Coherence Emphasis

Global RevisionUnityCoherenceEmphasis

Writing Prompt Take the next five minutes and write about the following: • What would you like your life to be like five years from now in the year 2016? What steps are you taking to make this happen?

Revision • What does revision mean?  To See Again • Where does revision take place in the Writing Process?  After drafting and before editing • Why is revision so important? We learn to write by rewriting. Revision gives us the opportunity to construct the “perfect” piece of communication • Why do we call it “global” Revision? We are looking at the “big picture” of the paper

Unity • Unity refers to each part of the essay and the larger whole • An unified paper shows a clear relationship between the thesis statement and topic sentences, and between the topic sentences and supporting sentences in the paragraph. • An entire paper focused on supporting a central point is a unified paper.

Unity • How do we check for unity? • Read over each of the topic sentences (the main idea and usually first sentence in the paragraph) and see if the topic sentences support or amplify the thesis statement. • Also check the “internal unity” of the paper. In each paragraph, do the supporting sentences or detail sentences relate back to the topic sentence?

Unity A unified essay will have all the elements of an essay including: • Introduction paragraph with a thesis statement • Body paragraphs with topic sentences connected back to the thesis statement • A conclusion paragraph connected back to the thesis statement

Introduction Paragraphs Coherent introduction paragraphs typically use the following model: • Begin with an “attention grabber” first sentence • Explain the question or topic being explored • Provide background information • Use a clear thesis statement to give your readers an overview of your paper

Unity Have you ever had an interest in self defense? Karate is martial art and a way of fighting and self-defense based on an understanding of both body and mind. As a college student, I discovered tae kwon do. Even though I was physically fit and planned to become a police officer, I thought that women needed special skills to protect themselves. Karate teaches these skills and more. The person who practices karate gains discipline, maturity, and a changed self-concept. First, the discipline of karate helps the student to outfight and outsmart her opponent. For a while, I didn’t appreciate the discipline. We had to practice every night in class and also commit to a rigid exercise plan outside of class. We also had to be disciplined in our study of the course materials. Second, with practice, karate increases maturity. Although maturity sometimes comes with age, it can also come with experience. Maturity is something that I thought I had developed until I started my karate classes, and I realized that I have a hot temper and often jump to conclusions. Finally, after a year or so, karate can change the student’s self-concept. This happened to me. On one hand, I became confident that I had the skills to take care of business if necessary. On the other hand, the better I got, the more I started to act like a pussycat instead of a lion. Inside I knew that I had nothing to prove to anybody. As I discovered firsthand, the practice of karate can bring personal benefits that go far beyond self-defense. I know that my own maturity, discipline, and sense of self have been enhanced through my involvement in this martial art. Imagine the benefits that practicing karate could possibly bring to your own life. Chances are that there classes are being offered in your local community right now. What are you waiting for? Sign-up today. Adapted from the following book: Fawcett, Susan and Alvin Sandberg. Grassroots with Readings. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1998. Print.

Unity To check the unity of a longer paper, try using a post-paper outline: • Look over the essay and count up the number of paragraphs • On a separate sheet of paper, make a numbered list that corresponds to the number of paragraphs in the essay • Read each paragraph and write down the main idea of the paragraph in one or two words next to the corresponding number on the list • After the list is complete, check for repetition of ideas or places where paragraphs can be moved/eliminated • Check to make sure the topic sentences support the thesis statement, revise accordingly • Check to see if the topic sentence matches with the main idea on the list. If not, revise accordingly

Coherence Coherence in writing is the clear relationship between one sentence and the next. Each sentence should lead to the next sentence. Coherence is achieved through the logical ordering of the sentences within the paragraphs and through the creation of smooth transitions between the sentences and paragraphs.

Coherence Ask yourself… Does this point unmistakably follow from the previous idea? 2. Is this point really clear? 3. Should the ideas be ordered in a different way?

Old New Contract An effective way to create coherence in your writing is to follow something called the old/new contract. This “contract” asks that as a writer you begin your sentences with something old—something that links to what was previously stated—and then to end with something new. Adapted from the following book: Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

Old New Contract How do you connect old ideas to new ideas? 1. Repeat a key word 2. Use a pronoun to substitute for a key word 3. Summarize or restate an earlier concept.

Old New Contract Which sentence follows the old/new contract? Remember, this means that old information is followed by new information. 1.College students have many responsibilities. These responsibilities include attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA, all of which are characteristics of successful students. 2. College students have many responsibilities. Attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA are characteristics of successful students.

Old New Contract Exercise: Compare the two sample paragraphs. Which paragraph is easier to understand? Which paragraph follows the old/new contract? Underline the key words, pronouns, or restatements of earlier concepts in the paragraph that follows the old/new contract.

Old New Contract Old/New Contract: Version Two Another principle for writing coherent essays is the old/new contract. The old/new contract asks writers to begin sentences with something old—something that links to what has gone on before—and then ending your sentences with new information that advances your argument is what the old/new contract asks writers to do. This principle creates an effect called coherence, which is closely related to unity. Whereas unity refers to the clear relationship between the body of a paragraph and its topic sentence and between the parts and the whole, coherence refers to the clear relationship between one sentence and the next, between part and part. Adapted from the following book: Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

Old/New Contract: Version one An often-overlooked dimension of being a good father is play. From their children’s birth through adolescence, fathers tend to emphasize play more than caretaking. This may be troubling to egalitarian feminists, and it would indeed be wise for most fathers to spend more time caretaking. Yet in addition to caretaking, the father’s style of play seems to have unusual significance. It is likely to be both physically stimulating and exciting. Being physically stimulating and exciting involves more teamwork that requires the competitive testing of physical and mental skills with older children. This form of play frequently resembles an apprenticeship or teaching relationship: Come on, let me show you how. Adapted from the following book: Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

Checklist for Structural Revision __ Are there clear introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs? __Does the introduction provide enough background for the reader? __Is there a clear thesis statement? __Is the essay unified? Do the topic sentences support the thesis statement? Do the detail sentences support the topic sentence? __Is the essay coherent? Do the sentences in the paragraph follow the old/new contract?

Sources Fawcett, Susan and Alvin Sandberg. Grassroots with Readings. New York: Houghton Mifflin 1998. Print. Neman, Beth. Teaching Students to Write. New York: Oxford Press, 1980. Print. Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

Global Revision Unity Coherence Emphasis