Formal Writing Demonstration

1. Formal Writing Demonstration Exemplar for an Essay Courtesy of Mrs. Urquhart

2. Formal Essay Writing Informal Thesis “I think that the narrator of Boys and Girls, can’t reach her full potential because she is oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.” Formal Writing does not: -use “I” “You” or “One” -use slang, cliché or vague language -use contractions “It’s” -use simple language -use past tense

3. Formal Essay Writing Informal Thesis: “Ithink that the narrator of Boys and Girls, can’t reach her full potential because she was oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.” Formal Writing does not: -use “I” “You” or “One” -use slang, cliché or vague language -use contractions: “It’s” -use simple language -use past tense

4. Formal Essay Writing Informal “I think that the narrator of “Boys and Girls” can’t reach her full potential because she was oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.” Editing “The narrator of “Boys and Girls” can’t reach her full potential because she is oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.”

5. Formal Essay Writing Informal “The narrator of “Boys and Girls” can’t reach her full potential because she is oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.” Editing “The narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot reach her full potential because she is oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.”

6. Formal Essay Writing Informal “The narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot reach her full potential because she is oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.” Editing “The narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and grow through self-discovery because she is oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.”

7. Formal Essay Writing Formal “The narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and grow through self-discovery because she is oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.” Editing for elevated language “The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes.”

8. Formal Essay Writing Original Thesis “I think that the narrator of “Boys and Girls,” can’t reach her full potential because she is oppressed by male figures and gender stereotypes.” Edited Thesis “The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes.”

9. Introduction In the short coming of age story “Boys and Girls” by Alice Munro, the young female narrator discovers that her roles and responsibilities will be limited and dictated by her gender. The theme of self-discovery Edited Thesis “The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes.”

10. Formal Essay Writing Deconstruction of Thesis Statement: This thesis statement will prove that the narrator is unable fully discover who she will mature to be because 1.) dominant male figures and 2.) antiquated stereotypes Edited Thesis “The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes.”

11. Connecting your thesis to your Topic Sentences “The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes.” • Topic Sentence #2 In addition to powerful male figures dominating the narrator’s coming of age experience, the adult female figures perpetuate antiquated gender stereotypes by fulfilling their gender roles. • Topic Sentence #1 The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by the powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father.

12. Connecting your thesis to your Topic Sentences “The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes.” This topic sentence tells the reader that it will explore how the salesman, Henry and her father oppressed her self discovery. The three points that need proof are the characters listed. • Topic Sentence #1 The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by the powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father.

13. Using the Point, Proof, Explain Paragraph Structure Point: An important argument supporting your thesis. Proof: A specific quotation from the text to support your point. Explain: Connect your point and proof using details and insight.

14. Using the Point, Proof, Explain Paragraph Structure Point: An important argument supporting your thesis. The narrator is unable to value her self-worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender.

15. Using the Point, Proof, Explain Paragraph Structure Proof: A specific quotation from the text to support your point. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4); The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p. 4).

16. Using the Point, Proof, Explain Paragraph Structure Explain: Connect your point and proof using details and insight. By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment.

17. Point, Proof, Explain The narrator is unable to value her self worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4). The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p. 4); By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment.

18. Connecting the IdeasThesis + Topic Sentence The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes. The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father. The narrator is unable to value her self worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4); The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p. 4). By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment.

19. Thesis The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes. The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father. The narrator is unable to value her self worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4); The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p.4). By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment.

20. Topic Sentence The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes. The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father. The narrator is unable to value her self worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4); The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p.4). By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment.

21. Point The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes. The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father. The narrator is unable to value her self worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4); The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p.4). By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment.

22. Proof The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes. The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father. The narrator is unable to value her self worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4); The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p.4). By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment.

23. Explain The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes. The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father. The narrator is unable to value her self worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4); The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p.4). By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment.

24. Point 2 The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes. The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father. The narrator is unable to value her self worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4); The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p.4). By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment. Henry regards Laird with more respect than he does the female narrator as they prepare to shoot Mack the horse.

25. Point 2 The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes. The young female narrator is unable to come of age through self discovery as her experiences are controlled by powerful male figures in her life: the salesman, Henry, and her father. The narrator is unable to value her self worth after she is disregarded by the salesman as a member of the weaker gender. When her father says “Like to have you meet my new hired hand,” the young girl is proud of her accomplishment and recognition (p.4); The salesman however, belittles her work by saying “I thought it was only a girl” (p.4). By using the phrase “only a girl,” the salesman teaches the narrator that being female is considered to be less valuable than being male and her pride immediately diminishes to embarrassment. Henry regards Laird with more respect than he does the female narrator as they prepare to shoot Mack the horse.

26. Point, Proof, Explain x 3

27. Conclusion The young female narrator of “Boys and Girls” cannot mature and develop through unbridled self-discovery because she is oppressed by dominant male figures and antiquated gender stereotypes.” Use similar language and ideas to sum up your thesis- but do not repeat yourself. The narrator’s growth is greatly affected by both the opinions of the strong men influencing her self-worth, and the gender roles and ideologies that are perpetuated through by the women in her life. Her final moment of self-discovery is that she knows in her heart that she is “only a girl” and this knowledge has an irreversible affect on her growth.

28. The Essay Pieces Thesis Topic Sentence Point, Proof, Explain x 3 Conclusion

29. The Essay Pieces Thesis (What will you prove) Topic Sentence (How you will prove it) Point, Proof, Explain x 3 (Prove it) Conclusion (Conclude your thoughts)

30. The Essay Pieces Thesis (What will you prove) *Appears at the end of your essay introduction Topic Sentence (How you will prove it) *Begins every paragraph Point, Proof, Explain x 3 (Prove it) *Totals to 9 supporting sentences Conclusion (Conclude your thoughts) *Summarize your points in a final paragraph

31. Happy Formal Writing!