Common Errors

1. Common Errors Improving Your Famous Person Essay

2. Where did you get your information? Where should you put it once you’ve got it?

3. Look at the worksheet • Is the information: • General information (GI) • Interesting fact information (IF) • Social impact information (SI) • Unnecessary information (RD)

5. First: • Everyone on your team look up Charles Manson on Wikipedia. • Read for about 10 minutes. • Make notes of special names, events, or interesting facts that you find: Manson Family, Helter Skelter, Crimes, Tate killings • Next (with your team): • Discuss two very significant facts about his life • Fact 01 • Fact 02 • Discuss details surrounding those facts

6. The first fact of Charles Manson is about the Manson Family. Charles Manson made the Manson Family. The Manson Family were many people that loved Charles Manson. They followed him and believed in Manson. The Manson Family thought Manson is like some kind of god. Eventually he told them to do murder. This was very special. They killed so many people. The Manson family stabbed them many times in their houses. I can’t imagine such terrible killing. The next interesting fact is Helter Skelter. Have you heard the song Helter Skelter? That is by The Beatles. Charles Manson loved The Beatles more than another band. He thought Helter Skelter was about the black people and white people killing each other. He wanted the Manson family to murder, because he wanted Helter Skelter. It’s crazy. Could you imagine so terrible an event?

7. First, Manson is known as the founder of the Manson Family. He started a personality cult with several runaway girls and drugged-out men he met in California. They became insanely devoted to Charlie, and started a commune near Los Angeles. They did a lot of drugs, and Manson preached about “Helter Skelter”. He claimed the Beatles sent him messages in their White Album. He said social discontent, especially among blacks and whites, would lead to a revolution. He wanted the family to create this revolution. He said it would end with a black victory, but that the family would control them. Next, convinced of the importance of starting Helter Skelter, Manson directed his family to commit a series of murders. The most notorious was the Tate murders. Several people were repeatedly stabbed, including the actress Sharon Tate, who was several months pregnant with a child. One of the family wrote “pig” on the wall with human blood. The Tate murders were followed by the LaBianca murders. Manson told his family their actions would start Helter Skelter. He did not participate in the killings, but is considered guilty.

8. Discuss: Which paragraph was better? Explain why? Now, look at the first example again: Which sentences can be cut? Why are the supporting details unclear? Look at them. What questions do they make you ask? Now look at the second example and notice how it answers basic questions.

9. Now, everyone on your team choose an article to read. Go to Google and type in the following searches: • crimes of the century the Manson legacy • Manson’s lasting legacy CNN • California dreaming Manson salon • Manson murders at 40 Read about the impact of Manson and the Manson Family. Then, with your team: • Discuss two ways the Manson family impacted people or society: • First impact • Second impact Explain details of his impact.

10. The first impact of Charles Manson was to so many families, because the Manson family murdered so many people. These people all had families. Can you imagine how they must feel? They just murdered their family with knives. The Manson Family had no proper reason. Families would regret that for the rest of their lives. One lady was even pregnant with a baby. That’s so cruel. Her husband would be crazy forever. The next is to the people. Charles Manson and the Manson family were so crazy. Everyone was so scared after that. They killed these people in Los Angeles, so they must be frightened there. Nobody could believe that. Even around the world where people heard this news, they felt afraid because of people like Charles Manson. Thank god he is in prison! Charles Manson influenced me, too. I want to be an ideal citizen after knowing his story.

11. P4 Sample 02 The Tate murders became news in August of 1969. Joan Didion said this, “Was the day the 1960s died.” The most immediate impact was on Los Angeles County. The murders were absolutely gruesome, and very innocent looking girls did a lot of stabbing. Before, many of the local residents lived in innocence. Overnight, people became suspicious and paranoid. How could people trust their neighbors, when nice little girls were committing senseless murders? People were afraid to go to sleep at night. Manson and his family would also help create a more cynical mood in America. The late sixties was the era of “flower power” and hippies. Manson attached himself to this counter-culture. It was young hippies-like kids who followed him. After the Manson family, the hippy lifestyle seemed even more suspicious to a lot of people. There were many charismatic speakers and leaders who promised salvation through alternative lifestyles. Manson showed that there dark side to the new youth culture and sixties gurus.

12. Discuss: Which paragraph was better? Explain why? Now, look at the first paragraph again: Which sentences can be cut? Do the supporting details look like they were researched? Or, did the writer just write random opinions? Why are the supporting details unclear? Look at them. What questions do they make you ask? Finally: Now look at the second paragraph and notice how it answers basic questions.

13. Unity • What is unity? Why is it important? • Ideas must be presented in a way so that they add to each other. Otherwise, your essay sounds choppy. For Example: • Your information in P2, P3 & P4 should be introduced a little in P1. • A transitional sentence should be included between your attention getter and your general informationin P1. • Transition signals should be included both within and between paragraphs.

14. Unity: The information in P2, P3 & P4 should be introduced in P1 For Example: P1 In his speech at the March on Washington, Rev. Martin Luther King declared, “I have a dream that one day little black boys and girls will be holding hands with little white boys and girls.” King would die fighting for his great dream for racial justice in the USA. He was born in Atlanta, Georgia in 1929. The southern American states at the time had very strict laws that favored whites and were extremely unfair to black people. When King was a child he actually played with white kids, until one day when he was told he could not do that. He later came to feel anger and even hatred toward the whites who deprived his people of basic rights. However, as an adult he became a Baptist minister and studied the philosophy of Mahatma Gandhi, who taught that we must fight inequality with love and non-violent resistance. Rev. King joined the struggle to fight racial discrimination in the American south and became the greatest leader of the civil rights movement. He played a vital role in organizing boycotts and marches to end unfair practices. He was shot to death in 1968 while helping sanitation workers in Memphis, Tennessee. Before he died he became an advocate for radical change for all Americans. His words and actions have had a profound impact on Americans and people all over the world. P2 Topic: Racial Justice P3 Topic: Economic Justice P4: World Impact

15. Unity: A transitional sentence should be included between your attention getter and your general information in P1. For Example: In his speech at the March on Washington, Rev. Martin Luther King declared, “I have a dream that one day little black boys and girls will be holding hands with little white boys and girls.”King would die fighting for his great dream for racial justice in the USA. He was born in Atlanta, Georgia in 1929. • Information that explains the attention getter • Attention Getter: Quote from MLK • Transitional sentence • General information

16. Unity: Transitions should be included between paragraphs For Example : First of all, Rev. King used brilliant tactics to achieve justice for black Americans. In 1955, he led the Montgomery bus boycott. Rosa Parks was a courageous black woman who refused to give her bus seat to a white man. She was jailed, and King became leader of MIA (Montgomery Improvement Association). For one year he led a boycott on all city busses by black residents. In 1956, a US law made segregation on busses illegal. Later Rev. King fought for justice in Birmingham, Alabama. Police Chief “Bull” Connor was a racist who treated black citizens terribly. In 1963, King and Ralph Abernathy organized children’s marches. Hundreds of children were arrested, and Bull Connor ordered children and protesters to be sprayed with fire hoses. People all over America saw this on TV. This resulted in Connor losing his job and segregation disappeared from public places and private businesses. King would later lead a march from Selma to Montgomery. This resulted in the Voting Rights Law, which gave all American citizens equal access to the vote. King not only led marches and boycotts to help racial inequality, but he had radical ideas to create economic justice in America. By the mid-1960’s, America was spending millions of dollars on war in Vietnam. American cities were full of crime and violence. King toured many cities and argued that America needed to invest in employment, and turn away from war. He advocated the Freedom Budget, a plan to create employment training and more job opportunities in public works and education, while spending less on our military budget. He marched and gave his message to people in LA, Chicago, and Memphis. Sometimes people reacted with violence, but he never attacked his attackers. President Johnson became angry with King because he opposed the president’s agenda. Some people called him a communist. He would not be silenced by opposition alone. Sadly, an assassin’s bullet killed him outside the Lorraine Motel the day after making one of his most famous speeches. King, and the non-violent movements he helped direct, had an incredible impact on people’s lives. The Voting Rights Act (1965) made it possible for millions of people to vote for the first time. Before that, laws made it very difficult for black Americans to have this basic right. Voting among Afro-Americans in Mississippi increased from 6% in 1964 to 59% in 1969. It also made it possible for more black people to run for public office in the south. Next, black Americans were given freedom of movement in the American south for the first time. This was the first time black Americans could sit on any bus seat, eat in any restaurant, or do such simple things as use a public bathroom. Signs like “white’s only” were taken down everywhere. Finally, King has inspired non-violent human rights crusaders to this day. He influenced Nelson Mandela in his struggle to end Apartheid. In recent times Aung San SuuKyi, who fought for democracy in Myanmar, was a student of King’s message and tactics. Rev. Martin Luther King was not only the great voice for his generation, but is a symbol of hope and change in our time.

17. Unity: Within the paragraph For example: First of all, Rev. King used brilliant tactics to achieve justice for black Americans. In 1955, he led the Montgomery bus boycott. Rosa Parks was a courageous black woman who refused to give her bus seat to a white man. She was jailed, and King became leader of MIA (Montgomery Improvement Association). For one year he led a boycott on all city busses by black residents. In 1956, a US law made segregation on busses illegal. Later Rev. King fought for justice in Birmingham, Alabama. Police Chief “Bull” Connor was a racist who treated black citizens terribly. In 1963, King and Ralph Abernathy organized children’s marches. Hundreds of children were arrested, and Bull Connor ordered children and protesters to be sprayed with fire hoses. People all over America saw this on TV. This resulted in Connor losing his job and segregation disappeared from public places and private businesses. King would laterlead a march from Selma to Montgomery. This resulted in the Voting Rights Law, which gave all American citizens equal access to the vote. Within the paragraph, a variety of techniques are used to create unity. • Chronological order • Time order transition signals • Explaining the action and then the result

18. Look at your own essay. • Can you identify your two interesting facts and social impact in paragraph 1? • Do you have any transition signals? • Between paragraphs? • Within the paragraph between actions? • Does your information follow a chronological order? • You can use dates (May 16, 1974) or signal words (next, after that, later…) • Do your examples show action and result?

19. Now look at your Famous Person Essay. Read my remarks carefully. With a partner, discuss the following: What remarks did the teacher make? Do you need to reorganize any of your paragraphs? If so, how? What details do you need to work on? How can you explain this more clearly? Now, work on revising your paragraphs!!!