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Asian Parents vs. American Kids- 中式父母 - 美式孩子

Asian Parents vs. American Kids- 中式父母 - 美式孩子. Yie -Wen “Yvonne” Kuan , Ph.D . 管以雯心理博士 Psychologist, Seattle, Bellevue (425) 785-5887. How to Raise a Healthy, Confident Child in a Fast Changing World. The focus is actually on.

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Asian Parents vs. American Kids- 中式父母 - 美式孩子

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  1. Asian Parentsvs. American Kids-中式父母-美式孩子 Yie-Wen “Yvonne” Kuan, Ph.D. 管以雯心理博士 Psychologist, Seattle, Bellevue (425) 785-5887

  2. How to Raise a Healthy, Confident Child in a Fast Changing World

  3. The focus is actually on • Behavioral Management To Help Your Child Gain Life Skills 訓練孩子生活的技能

  4. 父母常犯的錯誤 • Compare your child with other children • Authoritarian • Not allow your child to make decision • Make Empty Threats • Over-reaction • Not keep up the knowledge of the main stream culture

  5. Compare拿自己的孩子和別人比 • Good Intention: to encourage my child follow the good example • Possible Bad Consequences: lack of confidence;沒有信心 only feel good when he/she is winning; thus not feeling secure 沒安全感

  6. Authoritarian 命令式管教

  7. My way or highway 必須聽老爸〈媽〉的 • Not flexible • Potential Bad Consequence • Fighting, Power Struggle 老子小子吵吵鬧鬧 • Lying 陽奉陰違 • Afraid of Authority, Timid 膽小 • Becoming a bully 欺負弱小

  8. Not allow your child to make his/her decision不讓孩子做決定 • Helicopter Parents

  9. Good Intention: To avoid making mistakes • Potential Bad Consequence: • Don’t know how to make a decision when he/ she needs to 不能幹 • Lack of confidence in his/her decision making 沒有信心 • Appear to be indecisive thus not being treated as a leader憂柔寡斷

  10. Making Empty Threats 假裝嚇小孩 • Saying something that you cannot follow through • Possible Bad Consequence • Child not respect you 被孩子看扁 • Child not listen to you 孩子不聽話

  11. Over-Reaction 過激反應 • Fight the child’s fight 替孩子打他的仗 • Sweat over small things一點小事就抓狂 • Crime and Punishment not comparable 處罰與犯錯不成比例

  12. Possible bad consequences • Child does not want to tell you anything 孩子有事瞞著父母 • Might as well be more mischievous乾脆多錯點

  13. Not keep up the knowledge of main stream culture 沒有和主流社會掛鉤 • Apply only the home country belief in the new world • Not engage in the community you live in

  14. Possible bad consequence • Child feels like an outsider感覺自己不屬於這裡 • May not be able to provide the most informed advice to your child when he/she needs it沒法給孩子最好的建議

  15. What Should Parents Do? • Not every fight is worth of fighting for 抓大不抓小 • Establish good relations with your child 建立良好親子關係 • Develop your child’s resilience 建立孩子不屈不撓的精神 • Help your child to gain confidence 培養孩子信心

  16. Every Child is Different A Goldilocks' Approach

  17. Establish Good Relation With Your Child 和孩子建立良好關係 Why? • So the child will value your opinion and your feeling 孩子願意聽話 • So you could use your attention as a reward

  18. Things you can do to foster the good relations • Spend time with your child • Play with the child • Listen to what he/she has to say • Be fair

  19. Of course, avoid all the mistakes that we just talked about • Unfortunately, nobody can totally avoids those mistakes! • Just try to be aware of those and reminds yourself to do less

  20. Help Your Child to Develop Resilience • Learn to be positive 正向樂觀 • Allow them to make mistakes (allow is not the same as encourage)孩子犯錯不大驚小怪 • Develop Resistance to temptation 抵抗誘惑能力

  21. Be responsible for his/her action* 自己做的事自己負責,不怪罪別人

  22. Help your child to develop confidence • Encourage your child to try鼓勵孩子去試 • Praise the effort, not the outcome* 讚美孩子的努力, 而不是結果的好壞 • Parents need to be a role model for your child 父母要做孩子的榜樣

  23. Train your child to regulate his/ her emotion

  24. Learn to identify his /her emotion 辨識自己情緒 • Accept a child’semotion 接受他的情緒 • Train your child to be responsible for his action 心情是主觀的,但行為有對錯, 自己負責 • Learn to make him/herself fee better 學會讓自己心情好

  25. 讓我心情好的事,物:

  26. If you have trouble to discipline your child

  27. Compliance Training 訓練孩子聽話 • Avoid vague and inconsistent instructions 要求需具體一致

  28. Say what you mean 說話算話 • Set small, concrete steps 指示要具體 • Start from simple command從簡單指令開始 • Praise immediately after the child did it 孩子一旦做到了馬上稱讚

  29. Clean up your room 把房間收乾淨 • Pick up all the clothes on your bed • I want to see the carpet with at least 5X5 space • No dishes or cups in your room • All the clothes were hung or folded • All the toys are in the toy trunk • Books have to be either at your desk or night stand • Made your bed on weekends and no school days

  30. When giving Punishment • Most important, don’t get into power struggle • Be specific about the punishment • The punishment should fit the mis-behavior • Don’t say much. Too much speech will dilute the power of punishment

  31. Points system for reward 集點數奨勵

  32. A Well Adjusted Child • Able to Regulate his/her emotion • Able to take care of his/her own business according to his/her age • Able to establish positive, longer term relationship with his people outside the family

  33. What’s Success?到底怎樣才算成功?

  34. Life does not end at finish high school or college

  35. Stress Management • Set priority—Not every battle worth of fighting for • Practice deep breathing • Not schedule too many activities in one day • Have regular schedule

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