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Making our children safer. PART 2 Children can learn to help protect themselves. Making our children safer. PART 2. An outline for parents about how to help their children learn to protect themselves. Children have these rights : To be safe To have their bodies respected
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Making our children safer PART 2 Children can learn to help protect themselves
Making our childrensafer PART 2. An outline for parents about how to help their children learn to protect themselves
Children have these rights : To be safe To have their bodies respected To have their thoughts and feelings respected To be treated fairly Children should have: Protection, peace Food, medical care, housing Love, care, friendship Education, play, equal chance, Special help or care if needed
ADULTS are responsible for nurturing and protecting children from harm. As children grow older they can help protect themselves
Making our childrensafer There are three major components in child protection education: • recognising abuse • power in relationships • protective strategies
RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – ØTo correctly name body parts so that they can describe what is happening ØTo build a concept that it is NOT OK for another person to touch their private parts unless they are hurt or to help clean them ØTo recognise feelings YES – something we like and NO – something we don’t like
RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – • To name feelings • To recognise that feelings give us messages and to ACT on these messages if they are hurt, uncomfortable or confused • To recognise body signals – if it’s a warning signal they must learn to STOP and THINK – am I safe or unsafe? • To recognise that there are INTERNAL and EXTERNAL signals
RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – INTERNAL and EXTERNAL SIGNALS. Internal signals Body signals could include: • Squirmy, bouncy or lumpy tummy, • warm body, cold shivery body, • sweaty hands, • quick breathing, • racing heart, frozen heart, • crying eyes, open eyes, • shaky knees.
RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – External signs must be taken notice of - qThe location or where the person is qThe time of day or night qThe people around or absence of people qWhat the people (if any) are doing qWhat should be happening in that location
RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – To understand that there are different kinds of touching. OK and not OK touching depends on such factors as: vWHO is touching you? vWHAT body part are they touching? vWHEN are they touching you? vWHERE are you when they touch you (at a celebration, in front of friends, privately)? vHOW are they touching you (roughly, gently)?
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPSTeach your children – qThat relationships are connections they have with people. qThat there are different kinds of relationships. qThat everyone has a responsibility to treat others politely provided their right to feel and be safe is respected.
People who are not close to me People who are important to me People who are close to me Me Family Friends People who help me Relationship Circles
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPSTeach your children – That relationships change because – qpeople move away qpeople change qtrust is broken Therefore there is not a close relationship any more.
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPSTeach your children – qTrust involves knowing the person and believing that he/she will always do the right thing - help keep the child safe and act in an OK and fair way towards them. qThat when trust is broken CAUTION is needed. qBetrayal of trust is a common factor in child abuse.
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPSTeach your children – qThat a stranger is someone we do not yet have a relationship or connection with. qWe do not have any reason to trust them yet even though they seem friendly.
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS • Research indicates that children over the age of eight have a better understanding about what constitutes a stranger (Briggs and Hawkins 1997). However, if a child’s understanding is not strong the following optional questions could be discussed.
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS • Could a lady who looks like a nice grandmother be a stranger? • Could a helpful man wearing a suit be a stranger? • Could someone you have seen before be a stranger? • Is a person whom you have seen talking to a teacher at school still a stranger?
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS • Is someone who has been kind and helpful to you still a stranger? • Could someone who has bought or given you something still be a stranger? • Can a teenager be a stranger? • If a person tells you their name and address and some other things about themselves are they still a stranger?
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Remember our definition: Trust involves knowing the person and believing that he/she will always do the right thing - help keep the child safe and act in an OK and fair way towards them.
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPSTeach your children – That BULLYING is NOT OK!!! It can hurt a child physically, emotionally and mentally. People who bully use their power (physically or psychologically) to dominate, manipulate and frighten others who are less powerful than they are.
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPSTeach your children – Bullying is repetitive, ongoing and kept a secret. It includes: q Putdowns/name calling qThreats qSpreading rumours/nasty stories qIgnoring a person/alienating a person qPhysically hurting a person qTeasing a person constantly qIntimidation qDiscrimination
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Some suggested anti-bullying actions include: qIgnore the bully. Go and talk to or stand with other people. qDon’t react. Don’t name - call back. qPretend you don’t hear or know what the bully is doing or saying. q Be confident and happy with yourself. Then you can ignore what the bully says and the insults won’t matter. They are probably not true.
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPSSome more suggested anti-bullying actions include: Try to: qagree with the bully –say “You might think that.” or “That’syour opinion.” qstand up for yourself –say “You’re annoying me,stop it!” qtell the bully to go away
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPSSome more suggested anti-bullying actions include: Try not to: qcry q show that you’re angry qrun straight for help q think that something is wrongwith you. But remember to stay with your real friends. If these strategies don’t work, speak out about the bullying to parents, teachers and friends.
POWER IN RELATIONSHIPSTeach your children – qEveryone has a right to be touched in a caring way. Some touching can be confusing, hurtful or scary. This gives the child a NO feeling. qChildren must learn to say NO ( if they can ) Then GO (if they can) And TELL TELL TELL ! someone they know and trust.
PROTECTIVE STRATEGIESTeach your children – qFEEL … THINK ….ACT are steps which can help children decide if they are unsafe. If they think they are unsafe they have to make decisions and act on them. qWhen children say NO they need to learn to use their body to say NO in a strong way. Teach them to be assertive.
PROTECTIVE STRATEGIESTeach your children – qTHERE ARE NO SECRETS - JUST HAPPY SURPRISES! If a secret is unhappy it can be hard to talk about it. Body warning signals and external warning signals will help you recognise a secret that should not be kept.
PROTECTIVE STRATEGIESTeach your children – Help your children to think of signs that may help them recognise a secret that should not be kept, eg ·You have mixed feelings or changing feelings ·You feel unhappy, worried, guilty, scared or unsafe • ·You have to keep the secret forever ·Your body gives you warning signals like feeling sick or yucky, shaking, racing heart, lumpy stomach
PROTECTIVE STRATEGIESTeach your children – More signs that may help children recognise a secret that should not be kept - ·You are the only one who knows about the secret ·The secret hurts your thinking and goes over and over in your head ·You really want to tell a trusted adult about it but it seems too hard
PROTECTIVE STRATEGIESTeach your children – More signs that may help children recognise a secret that should not be kept - ·Someone bribes you or threatens you to keep it ·You have to tell lies to keep it ·It is about something not OK or unsafe ·It is about abuse
PROTECTIVE STRATEGIESTeach your children – qTeach and encourage children to seek help when they feel unsure, unsafe or have been hurt or abused. qIt is most important that they TELL and that they keep on TELLING until they are protected. qTelling can be difficult. Having support from a friend and having good communication skills can help children TELL.
PROTECTIVE STRATEGIESSkills and Attitudes & Valuesto teach your children – 1. Skills vassertiveness vcommunication videntifying threatening situations vrecognising feelings vdecision-making/problem solving vnurturing/caring for others
PROTECTIVE STRATEGIES Skills and Attitudes & Values to teach your children – 2. Attitudes and values vequality in relationships vrespect for others vresponsibility vself-esteem vto value caring and nurturing skills