Week 10 – Yet Another Humber Exclusive

1. Week 10 – Yet Another Humber Exclusive In Association with Steven Bochenek

2. Today’s Lesson • Delivery systems, couriers, the Canadian Post, Couriers or household drops, hand delivery, internet, cell phones etc. • What came in my mailbox • Next week’s assignment • In-class assignment

3. First – A Brain Stretcher! Remember the limerick? (note the AA BB A structure): There was this C.D. from T.O. Who reeked of cheap booze and B.O. But we all kissed his rear Unctuous smiles, ear to ear When we heard that he’d won a Clio

4. First – A Brain Stretcher! Complete this limerick (completing the AA BB A structure). Watch your meter! There was a young scribe from Humber You have 3 minutes.

5. First – A Brain Stretcher! Here’s mine: “There was a young scribe from Humber Whose pitiful life went asunder She kept skipping dinner Getting thinner and thinner, Her guts always rumbling from hunger” Shall we give her a choco?

6. Delivery systems Q:Which media deliver Direct Response messages? Anyone? Bueller?

7. Delivery systems • That’s right! Canada Post! They deliver addressed and unaddressed mail

8. Canada Post Look what came in the mail last week! Pardon the tear along the side.

9. QUICK SIDETRACK! NB: A seasoned direct marketer will tell you that creativity exists to get the envelope opened. Period.

10. QUICK SIDETRACK How gauche. What about your brand? Nonetheless, the first impression is paramount. You must entice them into the piece or all efforts are wasted.

11. Canada Post So: pardon the tear along the top. Or is that a tear along the side? Let’s tear the whole thing apart, starting with its clumsy sideways orientation.

12. Canada Post Why make your reader go sideways? Pick a format, landscape or portrait, and stick with it. This is awkward art direction. And when you see all that comes afterwards, you’ll wonder why they cheaped out here at the very grand opening. Front: portrait orientation Back: landscape

13. Canada Post Targeting? Why have they collapsed my daughters’ names into a single person? Why have they targeted unemployed teens?

14. QUICK SIDETRACK Targeting? Big companies sell your information to other big companies who want to sell you stuff. Remember: in Direct Response, we know more about our audience. Or at least we think we do.

15. Canada Post The list is an expensive gamble: purchased from ‘Our Canada’ readership. My uncle bought them both this single membership and completed the BRC by hand: Olivia and Justine Bochenek. But my uncle is old and blind. The data entry clerk, who earns minimum wage is bored and human, removed the ‘and’ from the BRC. BTW, what’s a ‘BRC’? And what’s an ‘app’? (Hint: it’s not that.) And how expensive a gamble?

16. Canada Post The list is an expensive gamble: purchased from ‘Our Canada’ readership. This is the magazine my uncle bought my daughters as a gift. They don’t read it but would never insult their great uncle by refusing the gesture. So how expensive a gamble?

17. Where’s AIDA? Attention These are the readers of this magazine.

18. Where’s AIDA? Attention These are the recipients of this expensive piece of mail. How expensive? Let’s open it and learn more.

19. Canada Post Inside, it’s smorgasbord of excessive production!

20. Canada Post Here’s how it looks if you open it from the side with your name on.

21. Where’s AIDA? Let’s start with A. A stands for the ‘hey mArthA’ effect

22. Where’s AIDA? Attention Could be here. “Hey, Martha! It’s for our kids but if they was just one person.”

23. Where’s AIDA? Attention Really here. Slightly dimensional device fits in standard mail package but is very hard to ignore. That gimmick got your attention. But is it a gimmick? Not really – it’s a relevant seasonal message.

24. Where’s AIDA? Attention “Hey Martha, it a tree decoration sent to us from the Princess Margaret Hospital. I wonders why. Heck, let us open it and divine its message.”

25. Where’s AIDA? Attention AN INVOLVEMENT DEVICE MADE, PERHAPS, OF REAL GOLD!! Cheesy? To you, maybe.

26. Where’s AIDA? Attention To readers of this magazine? Probably not.

27. Where’s AIDA? Attention To them it’s a message of hope. The decoration is attached to the card which bears the headline: “Let hope fly.”

28. QUICK SIDETRACK “Let hope fly.” Dissect and discus this headline.

29. QUICK SIDETRACK Discus? No, no, discuss, “Let hope fly.” Lesson: Always, read your work. Spellcheck is for businessmen who wear golf shirts with Disney characters on Fridays.

30. QUICK SIDETRACK Let hope fly. A command (aka call to action). Direct and simple. Yet relevant, given that pigeon made of what may be solid gold. Who’s saying this? And who are they targeting?

31. Where’s AIDA? Interest? Interest? Wuzzat? The next steps in the conversation. Involvement devices, stories and sell.

32. Where’s AIDA? Interest? An orgy of production to bring the reader in. AKA involvement devices. Die-cut dove! Perf it out and return it in BRE, and they’ll hang it in the Princess Margaret Hospital. A ‘seasonal card’ you can send to loved ones with sparkly stuff a la fairy dust on the dove.

33. Where’s AIDA? Interest? Interest? Wuzzat? Involvement devices, stories and sell. Now that you have their attention, it’s time to take ‘em to school. For the copywriter, it’s where you shine as a artisan, weaving your magic with unctuous nuance, removing their reasons to say no. Simply, subtly at first. It’s a seduction, like Salomé’sdance of the seven veils.

34. Where’s AIDA? Interest? And you call it ‘junk mail’?

35. Where’s AIDA? Interest? And you call it ‘junk mail’? Where’s your imagination?! Your self-respect! Sell dammit! Sell!!

36. Where’s AIDA? Interest? An orgy of production to bring the reader in. AKA involvement devices. Die-cut dove! Perf it out and return it in BRE, and they’ll hang it in the Princess Margaret Hospital. A ‘seasonal card’ you can send to loved ones with sparkly stuff a la fairy dust on the dove.

37. Where’s AIDA? Interest? An orgy of production to bring the reader in. AKA involvement devices. Die-cut card you can send to loved ones? They really went all out. NB: Is that where my donations go? Discus. And, of course envelopes for those cards. Would they IOEs? (We need some new jargon. Somebody call the account people.)

38. Where’s AIDA? Interest? And that’s not all! 4-page double-sided, colourlasered, personalised letter. Die-cut card? Get outta here! Front on left. Inside on right.

39. Where’s AIDA? Interest? MASTER CLASS IN COPY WRITING! IT GOES IMMEDIATELY FOR THE JUGULAR! Dear Ms. Bochenek, “I would love to see Ryan and Erin get married.” That’s what our daughter Lindsay said when asked if there was one thing she wanted more than anything else while she was battling cancer.”

40. Where’s AIDA? Interest? MASTER CLASS IN COPY WRITING GOES IMMEDIATELY FOR THE JUGULAR! Dear Ms. Bochenek, “I would love to see Ryan and Erin get married.” That’s what our daughter Lindsay said when asked if there was one thing she wanted more than anything else while she was battling cancer.” Opens in media res. Works like a soap opera: “What happens next?” So you’re immediately hooked.

41. Where’s AIDA? Interest? MASTER CLASS IN COPY WRITING GOES IMMEDIATELY FOR THE JUGULAR! Dear Ms. Bochenek, “I would love to see Ryan and Erin get married.” That’s what our daughter Lindsay said when asked if there was one thing she wanted more than anything else while she was battling cancer.” Opens in media res. Works like a soap opera: “What happens next?” So you’re immediately hooked. 2. ‘get married.’ David Ogilvy’s list of what people are interested in. (Borrowed interest among the most popular attention getting techniques.)

42. Where’s AIDA? Interest? MASTER CLASS IN COPY WRITING GOES IMMEDIATELY FOR THE JUGULAR! Dear Ms. Bochenek, “I would love to see Ryan and Erin get married.” That’s what our daughter Lindsay said when asked if there was one thing she wanted more than anything else while she was battling cancer.” Opens in media res. Works like a soap opera: “What happens next?” So you’re immediately hooked. 2. ‘get married.’ David Ogilvy’s list of what people are interested in. (Borrowed interest among the most popular attention getting techniques.) 3. “our daughter … battling cancer.” Every parent’s deepest fear. English doesn’t even have a word for a parent who’s child has died.

43. Where’s AIDA? Desire: the sweetener; a time-limited special offer Desire = Offer “The offer should seal the deal, not BE the deal.” -S Bochenek, circa 2000, on the problems with direct marketing in Marketing Mag

44. Where’s AIDA? Harder to give a dollars-and-cents offer in fundraising work but in the PPS… “You are invited to the Wings of Hope dedication ceremony on Wed, Dec 15… be sure to send in your dove by December 1st so that it can be displayed…” Why? Simply brilliant

45. Where’s AIDA? “You are invited to the Wings of Hope dedication ceremony on Wed, Dec 15… be sure to send in your dove by December 1st so that it can be displayed…” The opening appeals to their sympathy. The close appeals to their vanity. That’s why it’s simplybrilliant

46. Brilliant but a waste, sadly. These are the recipients of this expensive piece of mail.

47. Delivery systems That’s just Canada Post. Can you name any others?

48. Delivery systems Others? • Couriers and household drops by specially hired delivery companies But what else delivers Direct Response messages?

49. Delivery systems Others? • That’s right! The Internet, via email and banner ads on sites you frequent. Others?

50. Delivery systems That’s right! Your phone! Text ads are pure DR. Note the sender: Princess Margaret Hospital